She's been dating since the breakup. How do I view this???

Just to give you guys a brief recap... I was on here 2 weeks ago grieving about my mutual breakup and the fact that my ex had taken a strong step in the opposite direction (moving on without looking back, no resentment, no sadness, no anger... NOTHING), and how I was feeling guilty and remembering the things I've could of made better in the relationship.

Well, I got some interesting news yesterday that gave me a little extra grief, but a world of closure and relief at the same time. My ex from nearly 2 years together, has been dating since the breakup. My take on this is that she obviously had a something cooking in the back burner, but it still depletes her image as a lady. I am very shocked at the news since she was the most honest girl I have ever been with, and never displayed any signs of infidelity or a "side plan".

I guess she took my breaking up with her as a golden ticket, since she was probably figuring out a way to do it herself for days, weeks, and probably even months...who knows. I don't think the idea has hit me yet, but I want to be prepared for when it does, I can handle it.

Thanks for all your help guys!
CH

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Originally Posted by coldheart

My take on this is that she obviously had a something cooking in the back burner, but it still depletes her image as a lady. I am very shocked at the news since she was the most honest girl I have ever been with, and never displayed any signs of infidelity or a "side plan".

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You don't actually know that. She could be freaking out and rebounding. I could see how you'd be searching for a reason for the breakup, though.

Maybe she's just trying to move on this way? Maybe she's not dating, maybe she's just hanging out with good male friends. My ex didn't (and still don't) know most of my male friends and he'd probably think I'd be dating too, although I just might be spending some time with them, so I wouldn't think about the breakup so much.

what I'm trying to say is: you don't know actually what she's feeling or really going through.. Don't worry about it anyway - it was you who broke up with her :)

You sound like a good stong guy. Keep it real and try to move on; you'll find another girl.

could def. be a case where she is so overwhelmed with the loss of your relationship she is trying to quell her pain by finding someone else to spend that time with as fast as possible. That especially makes sense if she is not showing the normal signs of grief at the loss -- basically she is in denial because of the severity of the pain, and this is helping maintain denial. "see? everything's fine...I'm fine..."

this is an automatic strategy I've done myself which never actually works. However it works in the very short term by at least providing a face of a person to talk to so you are not at home crying alone. (it's a distraction to be with other people... it won't work long if you are dating though, because then you are trying to "replace" which always always fails...but friends are a much better "distraction", they remind you that there is more to life than dating)

I am just thinking this is the more likely possibility as you said you had no indication she had anything on the back burner. If she did, there almost for sure would have been signs that you could easily recognize now.

Do you want to get back together with her?

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Originally Posted by clynn

Do you want to get back together with her?

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Funny you ask this because shortly after the breakup I DID want to get back, but after analyzing the things that I did not like about her during the relationship plus the immediate dating characteristics, I'm not sure I want part of that anymore. It's strange because once the person that you dearly love tries to go with someone else, you kind of don't know where you stand in their heart anymore, and you certainly don't want to spend the rest of your life guessing. It's a tough situation, but the way I am dealing with it is just to avoid thinking about it and move on. No one was put here in this world to wait for another person...

CH

She may very well be spending time with other men just to keep her mind off of things. Or, indeed, she may have moved on.

HOWEVER.........you guys did seem to split very suddenly and quite abruptly. I can't imagine that not causing some confusion and upset.

You may indeed need to get some answers to help you out.

Besides, after spending that amount of time together......it would be nice if you guys were able to make nice instead of the ending being on a complete bad / angry note.