im so so sad and alone

I feel really screwed up.

In short, last year I got into a relationship with someoen who was engaged and eventually married. we continued on for a while and then she decided she wanted to be with her husband.

Ever since then, she has continued telling me that she loves me and wants to be with me but that she cant.

Have still kept in touch, emails at work and txts. every few months she seems to really pull on my heart strings, telling me how she feels. tells me things and her actions say the opposite and confuse me.

I have just moved into my own place and i promised i would show her my place. i was ready 2 do some and she started saying she would love to go on a date with me and i tell her that its just not possible, i cant do anything until her circumstances change. Again yesterday, organising when she is coming around, she says will i be able to give her a hug etc, which sets me off again to what does she want. She says she cant give me what i want by being lovers, and at the same time says she cant be friends because she still loves me so much.
she married a year ago and its been like this ever since. even tho things ended between us, its always been halfy half with her feelings being passed to me.

The majority of our contact is via text messages.
I can never stop thinking about her, even when we have no contact at all, i still have all the memories, and now that i have moved etc im just so so had and lonely.

I just feel so lost and want to try everytime i think about her, and her life.

I know this is all my own fault i should have known what i was doing, but i was in experienced and when a special person came along, once in 25years. im just sad that she keeps chosing otherwise, but at the same time still loves me, even though I dont see her.

I just knew that when i had my own place, my heart strings would be pulled by her. i ask her what she wants from me and she simply doesnt know. i have told her in the past to fix her marriage even tho she tells me theres nothing wrong with it, deep down she must realise there is, when she loves two people.

What can i do, i cant stop thinking about her, i dont want anyone else and it destroys me. even 6months after she officially broke off with me.
Im sorry if im not making any sense, just so confused and sad

: - (

A couple of years ago, i took AD's & had some counselling because of my bad attitude towards myself, i ended these and then this girl came along it was like a reward. i wonder if i need to go back on them to get back on Track

I think you need to seek out help again....

This woman is totally messing with your mind. You NEED to cut off contact with her! She choose to be with her husband now....but yet cannot seem to cut ties with you. With the way she cheated on him, I don't know WHY you would even want to be with her?!?! If you had her all to yourself, don't you think she would probably end up hurting you the same way by finding someone else on the side?

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Originally Posted by Ellynn

I think you need to seek out help again....

This woman is totally messing with your mind. You NEED to cut off contact with her! She choose to be with her husband now....but yet cannot seem to cut ties with you. With the way she cheated on him, I don't know WHY you would even want to be with her?!?! If you had her all to yourself, don't you think she would probably end up hurting you the same way by finding someone else on the side?

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Normally, I don't agree with her ^^^ but this time she is actually right. Get help. Cut off contact. She can't be with you and you keep on torturing yourself by talking to her.

Definently cut off contact with her, and don't beat yourself up over it, it's not worth it. It's gonna kill you for a while, but the best thing you can do is just keep yourself occupied until your urges to contact her go away, contact your friends and do stuff with them, or anytime you have an urge to call her or get lonely, go for a walk, go to the gym, go to the mall and treat yourself to something you've wanted... the message here is do SOMETHING, anything really to distract yourself. Everyone will keep telling you this and I know you probably think its bullshit at this point in time but its so true, it will get better with time.

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Originally Posted by DarkDwarf

Normally, I don't agree with her ^^^ but this time she is actually right.

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Its not about whether you actually agree with me this time or not.... Every opinion counts... and who are you to say its right or wrong? Its an opinion... SO leave it at that... :)

It sounds to me that she cant decide, and she wants the best of both worlds. Forget her she cant be that right for you if she decided to marry someone else

Never get involved with someone who's married.... It can only mean trouble.

This is going to seem like I am just trying to be really mean and hurtful, but I'm not.

Loooook buddy. She's sick, she's f'ed up in the head, she's a narcissist. MESSED UP. Get away now. She doesn't love you, she never did, she is not trying to get the best of both worlds, what is it to her to send you a few txt msg's now and then and maybe see you and flirt a little. If she ever really starts having marital problems, she'll probably start sleeping with you, but that won't mean anything either.

She doesn't give two sh*ts about you, she loves keeping you on the hook, giving her confirmation that she is wanted by other men, and most importantly, SHE LOOOOOVES that you are so miserable over her. You amuse her. She gets off on it. She'll keep squeezing you into a little ball until you're nothing.

Forget her and all of her sick games. Get out there and start living again. You don't need her kind of "love".

Lee, she's a parasite. She was not a reward after you were on ADs. She was a test or something. I'm not going to say you failed, because I'm sure you learned a lot from this experience, but you're like a love battery she goes to get a charge from.

Bad, bad girl. Get back on the ADs and remove her from your life like the infestation she is.