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Hello ladies. I have been married about a year, and i'm not positive why, but I never want to touch my husband anymore. I make excuses to block him off or try to go to sleep first. It is actually making me upset because I don't want to drive him away. He tries so hard to get me turned on, and the whole time i will think, "god, why is he wasting his time, just stick it in and get this over with" I am honestly not sure if it is hormonal or psychological.
anyone ever felt like this?
Are you on birth control pills? How old are you both? And how are the other aspects of your marriage?
This kind of shit pisses me off:
"I make excuses to block him off or try to go to sleep first."
I sincerely hope that you have talked about this problem with your husband rather than avoiding the situation.
Vashti beat me to it, but thats what I was gonna ask! Please answer our questions and maybe we can give you an idea of why this is happening.Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti
I know birth control pills have been proven to like completely destroy your sex drive. I know its happened to me and many other females out there! Even after going off of them, you can feel the effects. So if you are on birth control, maybe you want to try something different. Talk to your doc if this is the case.
Maybe something else is going on. Are you guys really close otherwise? When did you notice this change in your desire to have sex with him? Have their been problems other then when it comes to sex? Tell us more.
Have you read the threads on this forum along the lines of "My wife doesn't want to have sex with me" ? I think you should.
This will not help your marriage at all. He HAS to know your problems.Quote:
Originally Posted by jendenovum
Which makes you more upset? Having sex, or driving him away?Quote:
Originally Posted by jendenovum
And he is thinking, "I dont want to just stick it in, but she is really unresponsive today, man I hate it when she does nothing to help, no wonder she doesnt like sex, she doesn't even try, maybe I should just stick it in her ass to get a response out of her, **** this I'm going to the bathroom to jerk off"Quote:
Originally Posted by jendenovum
Has he physically or mentally hurt you lately? Maybe this is a response to that.
I am 25, he is 27. Aside from the whole sex thing we are pretty happy and get along fine. he did, however, recently confess to me that he has a porn problem. he'll look at it at work and also any time i leave the house, even if he is supposed to be watching our 3 year old son. i think that this has alot to do with it, even though i am proud of him for saying something to me. And no, smart asses, (because i know at least one or two of the men will say it) the porn problem is not a response to my recent disinterest because it existed LONG before my lack of interest in sex. it has always bothered me to an extent, but i tried to not care for my own mental sake. some of you might remember the thread last summer where i was flipping out about my then fiance coming home from his bachelor party with bite marks and belt welts after he promised that he would not go to the strip club at all. i think that i have answered myself at this point. i guess that he has damaged my trust and self esteem to the point that i have just backed away from him. it isnt only sex i'm avoiding now that i think about it. i can't even remember the last time i went and initiated a hug or tried to cuddle on the couch. in response to some other questions, i do try to talk about it with him. he doesnt understand how me being upset has anything to do with not wanting to have sex. i think that i want to get into some counseling to learn how to forgive and forget. i am also on birth control pills, my doc actually just switched me to something higher dose.
Your husband has a porn addiction, he goes to strip clubs and has physical contact with strippers, and you are on the pill, and you wonder why you aren't interested in sex with him? I'd say any one of those reasons would be reason enough. You guys need some marital therapy. (I doubt they will be able to teach you how to forgive and forget.)
I agree with Vashti... The combination of his porn addiction (and your hatred for it), the pill, and his apparent lack of compassion are most likely ruining your sex drive, on top of that, the stress you feel from this makes it even worse.
I think he is rude and it unacceptable that "he doesnt understand how me being upset has anything to do with not wanting to have sex". He is being a complete idiot here.
I think if you go to a shrink, he needs to go too.
I can see why you lack interest in sex. I would too if my bf/husband was addicted to porn, didn't consider my feelings, and had bite marks on him after his bachlorette party.
You guys are missing a huge element in a relationship...trust. I would have a hard time trusting him too if I were in your shoes.
I mean if you don't want to even cuddle or at least have some physical contact outside of the bedroom, that alone should tell you something.
If anything, definately see a marriage counselor or something. If he is unwilling to change his ways or to at least meet you half way, then maybe its best to get out of the relationship.
I have talked to him about counseling before. At first he said he wouldn't go, but he eventually came around. His best friend's wife just walked out on him after 3 years so now I think that he too is feeling vulnerable. One of her complaints was that when she wanted to go to counseling he laughed and asked why, hahah! So I think that he will go.
I guess I just wanted to see if there was anyone else on here with a low sex drive, even for any other reasons. Or maybe even someone who overcame the not wanting to have sex and lack of trust but now is happy again.
Sex drives for women are widely known to flutcuate. I don't know how old you are, but women generally peak in their sexual interest in their mid 30s, so if you are still in your 20s. the best is yet to come.
maybe his moves are getting old
LOL jk.......... hope everythign goes well.