Best friend...

OK, I'm trying to figure out what to do and thought I would bounce it off others...This is a little narrative I wrote, almost as a journal, of my "issue" right now. I'm thinking of just sending it to my best friend to see what her response is. Am I crazy?
-----------
This is hard to express. I feel like I’m cursed. Anyway there is this girl that I’m crazy about. Its not infatuation, its not a crush, I can feel its real in my bones, to my heart, in my soul. People go their whole lives never finding anything completely clear, is this the right career for me? Is this the right home? Do I really love this person? Will I ever be happy? Etc etc. I have one thing that is so completely clear to me that there is no denying: I’m in love with my best friend. This is my curse.

Would that I could just detach myself, be a good friend and have no more, but in matters such as these I have no control. Lately she has asked me several times “are you grumpy?” My attitude may come off as grumpy, but its not. Its pure conflict. Everytime I see her I want to grab her and give her the biggest kiss she’s ever had. Sweep her off her feet. Make her toes curl. How can I be so sure you ask? I’ve tried other things, detaching myself, dating other women, but all along its been her. She’s always been the one. She’s my conscience, my companion, my drinking buddy, my confidant, my soulmate. She is the most beautiful girl in the whole world, she thinks I’m full of crap when I say this, like its just a line, but I swear on my father’s grave it is the truth. For each person there is another that captures them. She does that for me, I don’t claim that she should go start modeling, but TO ME she is the most beautiful thing God ever created. Like he reached down from heaven and said, “this one is for Brian.” She complains about gaining weight, to me she has never been more beautiful. She enraptures me, I stand in awe. In all this world if I could have only one thing it would be her. All the things people wish for, wealth, fame, etc are meaningless compared to her. This is why it’s a curse.

The one thing people search for all their lives and I know where mine is, see her several times a week…its devastating. Like having the winning powerball ticket, falling down, dropping it and watching it blow into the street and down a sewer. How could you stand it? The other night she spoke of her desire to get married, how she plans the wedding, but first she must find the man to marry. I almost became ill, wanted to scream, “I WANT TO BE THAT MAN!!!!” Does she share any of my feelings? I don’t know. I ask myself this everyday. Only she can truly answer, I sometimes think I see signs of it, when we had a falling out and didn’t talk for a while she sent me an email expressing how much I mean to her, when we are together I sometimes sense things, but am I just looking through rose colored glasses? She once told me she fears telling guys loves them because they might take it back later. Its so preposterous its almost comedy . I wish she could just see how utterly devoted to her I am and would be. She seems to think the timing is never right. We have all the time in the world and none. I want to spend forever with her, I want to start forever today. If you gave me the choice between having a year to live, and spending it with her or having 50 years to live without her there honestly wouldn’t even be a choice. I’d take that year and never look back.

So I stand here before you, naked, bare, alone, no tricks or games to play. Asking you simply, will you love me?
--------------

It's beautiful... honestly. From every perspective, it's beautiful. It's well-written, it's obvious that you placed a lot of care into putting it together, and, above all, it's sincere. You love this girl, and it shows through every word that you wrote.

I wish I could give you insight into whether or not you should give it to her, but I cannot. All I can say is that you honestly love her, and it's obvious. But you should do what you think is the right thing to do.

as far as love like that is concerned i would say do everything put your all into going for it, i remember when i broke up with the first guy i loved i did everything and risked everything to be with him because life without him was the most awful thing i could think of. So i wpuld say walk the wire and tell her if she doesnt feel it too then at least you will have tried, there's solace in that.

I honestly do not think it is my place to be saying this kind of thing (being a heartbroken early-teenager), but I will say one thing that I firmly believe in;

Love is worth the risk. Always, it is worth the risk.

I could have had her. She could have been mine. She would be holding onto me now. Should would be kissing me now. -If I'd just done something about it. I'd loved her since we'd met. But I didn't do anything about it. I just let it go.

And if I could change one thing about my life, that would be it.

Love is always worth the risk.

-Z

I tell you what, and I'm sorry because this comes with a short story before the lesson. This past weekend my brother got married to the girl of his dreams and I couldn't be more excited. When he first met this girl he thought that she was way out of his league and that there was no way she could ever like a guy like him. Bue he went for it anyway. Now here comes the lesson. If you never try you will never know. If my brother would have never asked this girl out he would have never known that he was missing out on the chance of a lifetime. My vote is send it to her. If nothing else she will know how you really feel. If you don't send it....its just possible that you would be missing you window to finally "catch that shooting star" If you want it.....you gotta work you ass off to get it. Good luck and remember this...."if in the end it hasn't worked out.....it isn't the end"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Brian24

Lately she has asked me several times “are you grumpy?” My attitude may come off as grumpy, but its not. Its pure conflict.

---

I acted similarly with a girl I was interested in.

She was actually my teammate, as well as my friend.

"Teamcest", or dating within the team, was frowned upon, especially on my team, but I couldn't help but fall for this girl.

I eventually let my feelings known to this girl and they turned out to be mutual.

Good luck with that though, I think I just got lucky.

God, if only my crush would write that about me. I would probably just pass out and never regain consciousness!

SEND IT TO HER. RISK IT. What 's the worst that could happen?!?!
If nothing else, you would get it off your chest and not have that burden of wondering "could it ever happen?".

You need to tell her. You're driving yourself unnecessarily crazy.

Just do it.