Is it natural?

I am new to relationships. I am 24 and just got out of my first semi-serious one that lasted over a year. We were never really in love with each other, but we had a great time... there was just never enough to really give a long-term commitment. We never told each other we loved each other. I think that we did love each other, but not in that way, we were never were actually "in love." She broke up with me and it has been so difficult, so much more difficult than I expected. I never thought I could feel this stronlgy when it came to what we had.

Is it natural...

to think about it constantly?

to feel regret and wish things had turned out differently?

to feel inadequate?

to feel like you should have done things differently, even if you know you were always honest and nice to the other person?

to want that person back and to be willing to plead with them and promise them things and offer to change?

to want to apologize for things that maybe weren't even your fault?

to find it impossible to move on?

to want that person to still feel that way about you?

to constantly think about what you might have miss if things had lasted?

to see only the good things in the relationship and not the bad ones, to put them on a pedestal and think you felt more strongly for them than you actually did?

to hurt like hell and not be able to eat?

to feel out of control, like you need to try to fix things because you want to stop feeling so bad?

TO ALWAYS SECOND GUESS EVERY DECISION YOU'VE MADE, EVERY THING YOU'VE SAID, DONE, AND FELT, ESPECIALLY DURING KEY MOMENTS DURING THE RELATIONSHIP?

Jeeze, are you sure you're only 24? The list I would have expected a 24-year-old to make is a little more like...

Is it natural...

to sleep with her sister?

to get plastered every night?

to throw rocks through her window?

to blame her for everything that I think is wrong in my life?

for it to hurt when I pee?


Congrats, enivel. You're ahead of the curve.

Yes. It is natural. It is natural to have her on your mind every moment of every day. It is natural to think constantly about what you could have done to change things, or what you should have done. It's natural to wonder how things could have been different.

It's more than natural; it's love.

It's also natural to want to scream out into the night sky. It's natural to cry out for help, but to realize that no one can truly help you but her...

But, as much as the above is true, it's also natural to move on. I know right now it hurts, it hurts like nothing you have ever felt.

Days go by, then weeks, then months, and you may not feel like you're moving anywhere, but you are. I know I worried for the longest time that I would never recover. I really did. Every day I felt no better than I had the day before.

Then, exactly six months later, it happened. It just stopped. The hurt disappeared.

You will move on. It will be hard. It will test every bit of willpower and emotional strength that you posess. But one day, it will happen, and you will be stronger for it.

Good luck with it all.

-Z