A younger woman

I am brand new to the forum. So first of all I want to say hello to everyone. I am 31 years old. I consider myself an ok looking guy. I just got out of a relationship of over 5 years. There was no fire in the relationship and it was better that we go our separate ways. I never thought this would happen but this 19 year old woman has come into my life and I honestly can't stop thinking about her. She is such a great person. She is intersting to talk to, has a great personality, and comes from a great family. In the two weeks since we told each other how we felt, I have never been happier. The age difference does sometimes cross my mind, but I think she is just the greatest person I have ever met and I then forget about the age difference. Am I out of my mind?

Yes, I admit the age difference is quite a bit, but I see how it can happen.

My friend was 20 when she bought her first house. She never really had luck dating guys her own age due to their immaturity. When she was 21, one of my other friends introduced her to her current bf, who was 31 at the time. They hit it off completely!

He is immature in some ways and she is very mature for her age. So, they balance each other out and meet in the middle. They are super happy and their families all get along etc. So it works for them.

So maybe this girl you like is really mature?

Eh... it IS a bit of a gap...

I look out for my female friends in college who are 19-20 who want to hang out with guys over 24 and I am the policeman:) There really is just too big a difference... sure she may be extremely mature for her age, but there is so much in life she does not know and cannot feel and internalize without time.

However, against my better judgement, I will say go for it! You really sound like you care about her; the biggest problem in age-gap relaitonships with a younger girl is that the guy only wants sex... and it doesn't sound like this is the case (it better not be or I take back everything I just said!) So, just go SLOW and CAREFULLY, but numbers are a silly thing to let get in the way of love. My ex was 2 years older than me (19-21 at the time) and that was such a HUGE deal to her and her family... ultimately was one of the factors in why we split I suppose... but I just thought it was oh so stupid to even mention that... I was every bit as mature as she was, I saw us as equals, but she always looked down on me like the 5th graders look at the 3rd graders on the bus or the playground... so I am a big advocate of age-difference relationships! If you are in love and both are happy, then what in the world can get in the way of that? Good luck with it!

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Originally Posted by thinker

You really sound like you care about her; the biggest problem in age-gap relaitonships with a younger girl is that the guy only wants sex...

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Actually, that is NOT the biggest problem. The biggest problem is that oftentimes, men at the age of 31 are finished with their "formative years" and mental/emotional growth is nearing completion. She, at the age of 19, is only just beginning, and she will very likely outgrow you in a few years.

If you are talking about simply dating her casually, then I don't know that the age gap is a problem. I wouldn't advise a relationship with this girl at this point. However, once she hits her later 20s, I don't think the age gap is a problem at all.

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Originally Posted by vashti

Actually, that is NOT the biggest problem. The biggest problem is that oftentimes, men at the age of 31 are finished with their "formative years" and mental/emotional growth is nearing completion. She, at the age of 19, is only just beginning, and she will very likely outgrow you in a few years.

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Ahh, yes. Also very true; You sound to be ready to take on whatever life throws you, while she is still exploring and finding herself... which MIGHT end up hurting you as she is likely to change her mind about big issues (i.e. relationships) as she discovers new things about herself. Kindof like the kid in the candy shop analogy... she has different reasons for liking you than you do for her... which may or may not change and backfire in your face later... Just be cautious!

Hey....thanks for your input. A lot of great advise and comments.

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Originally Posted by guyfromcanada

I am brand new to the forum. So first of all I want to say hello to everyone. I am 31 years old. I consider myself an ok looking guy. I just got out of a relationship of over 5 years. There was no fire in the relationship and it was better that we go our separate ways. I never thought this would happen but this 19 year old woman has come into my life and I honestly can't stop thinking about her. She is such a great person. She is intersting to talk to, has a great personality, and comes from a great family. In the two weeks since we told each other how we felt, I have never been happier. The age difference does sometimes cross my mind, but I think she is just the greatest person I have ever met and I then forget about the age difference. Am I out of my mind?

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Guyfromcanada,


Sorry to hear about a 5yr relationship that ended.

With your relationship to a younger woman, when you are with her, do not think of her age. Rather, listen to what your heart beats! I, myself has been engage for 2yrs to a guy twice my age but it was never a problem. Arguements and misunderstandings are just spices of a relationship. And yes, you hear the bells ringing- WE ARE GETTING MARRIED SOON!

Never take shit on any issues about age on love. What's important is the commitment and love you have for each other.

You take care and your girl as well.