ouch!!!

Hi everyone I am new to this forum. I am 28 and living in London.

About 3.5 months ago I found out this girl I hade quite liked for some time had finished with her boyfriend of 4 years, 2 months earlier (although I later found out that he had finished with her).

The night I found out about this I spent some time talking to her and dancing with her (at a party) and when she left I asked to see her again and she said yes and we kissed. Then it took about two weeks until we could see each other again, but we had pretty constantly sent messages in the meantime. On our date I told her that I liked her etc, and she was very excited and we kissed again. I also told her that if this was too soon after her breakup I would back off and give her some time, but she said she had had enough time.

The next time I saw her about a week later, she told me she wasn't ready to get involved again, which hurt, but i kind of expected it and understood. We saw each other again a few weeks later, at which point we kissed again. Then the next three times we saw each other were pretty much very couply, movies, meals, drinks etc and lots of kissing, but her always being a little careful.

Then she told me again that she cannot give me what I want and we kind of broke things off again. This time I stayed out of her way for a while but she kept calling and texting and the next time i saw her she was all over me. She kept saying she had worried that I had gone off her and that she really liked me. She spent the night with me and the next night, and some stuff happened, although no sex (mainly because I didn't want to as I wanted to feel a bit more secure in the relationship first).

After the 2nd night we spent most of the day together and as I brought her to the station she was like "I'm not sure if I'm ready for a proper relationship yet". I was hurt but didn't say much, because she hd previously told me "as long as you don't push me, I'm all yours".

But over the weekend I got pissed off and so on monday I sent her an e-mail asking her what was going on and she called and was really upset thinking I was going to break it off with her.

We saw each other the following friday, at her house, she cooked for me and I spent the night. I felt we had really moved forward and she kept telling me how glad she was I was there and all that.

Then, when I saw her next, she broke up with me, saying she panicked again, and that she was scared of letting me down. It all got quite emotional and she told me a lot about her ex, how he used to shut her out and how she cried a lot and got depressed. And how she doesn't want to go back to that place, and that relationships really frighten her now.

Thing is she kept being in touch, asking me if we could be friends to which I agreed, as I really like her and knew she would be miserable if i disappeared. We also have a lot of mutual friends and it would be to complicated to shut her out completely. She keeps telling me how much she misses me and that the day she broke up with me was the worst day off her life.

Also when I told her I couldn't quite understand why she broke up, she kept bringing up her ex beimg so horrible to her, but always instantly countered with not thinking i was like that at all.

I have asked her twice to tell me she doesn't love me so I can move on, but she said she can't say that because it's not true.

She keeps telling me how wonderful I am.

Thing is, i know there is nothing I can do right now to get her back, but do i stick around for when she has a chance to sort herself out, or do i leave. I don't want to be guy who hasn't spoken to her in 3 months if she finally decided she wants to be with someone.

I just really don't quite get it.

Any advice would be very apreciated.

You leave.

She's jerking you around and you really don't deserve that. Find another girl. But, before you do, tell her this. Tell her that if she keeps jerking you around you're going to have to leave.

If you end up leaving, stay out of touch and do not accept a friendship because it will do nothing but hurt you.

Tell her to contact you when she has decided whether or not she wants to be with you.


Unless you are enjoying this hot and cold business, that is...

What I would do, stick around for a couple months more. She loves you man, you HAVE to give her time for her to open up her heart a little more, so that she is fully over the other guy, or whatever the problem is. It may suck, but it's a chance you have to take if you truly love this girl, or like her a lot.

It may all be worth it in the end and that would make it so much better for you, but you also gotta realize it's a big chance your taking.

Bottom line, If you don't stick around, your always gonna be thinking what if.

Ask her point blank if you're just her rebound guy or if she has serious intentions with you.

yea I forgot about the rebounds, lol.