Need her back and i'll wait as long as it takes

Hello all,

I don't normally air my feelings or thoughts to the world but i'm so desperate at the moment.

I was in a loveless relationship for along time and was secretley in love with my then best friends girlfriend. 5 years past and i finaly made the right choice of ending my relationship as it was not fair to me or the then girfriend. At the same time my best friends girlfriend ended their relationship. As we both had something in common we started to talk more and more with one another untill i confessed my true feelings for her and to my amazement she felt the same way about me. We spent the next 9 months dateing, going place's, holidays and we often spoke of marrage as most couples do. So i made the choice and asked her father if it would be ok to ask her hand in marrage and he said he was more than pleased.

I took her to a romantic hotel got down on one knee and proposed and she said yes!! Now we had been living together in her parents place waiting for me to sell my home so we could move into gether and as you can probably realise not having your own space makes for a stressfull place to live. On top of this she was studying to better herself in her job. We still carried life on and enjoyed each other emensley and planned to get married next year. Being forward planners we had everything booked and almost done. (the dream wedding she always wanted). We argued from time to time as all couples do but instead of listening we tended to brush things to one side untill she aske for time and space to think things through which i was reluctant to do but did it anyway.

I moved back to my house which was being sold and we still texted each other saying morning and goodnight with a good measure of i love you's and kisses untill the third day when i made the mistake of telling her that i was feeling nervous that we were splitong up. I was told to stop all comms to give her space but found it very hard as any reply i did get was suddenley cold and sort of mean sounding. By the second wee she email me to say that she was ending the relationship and engaement and would be down that Saturday with my stuff and to explain why and collect her things.

The day finaly came and she told me that she had realised that she had jumped into this relationship too early and that she needed to find herself as a person and live life. She wanted us not to ever speak to each other again but i convinced her that after 18 months together you cant just do that. I told her that i would rather be close friends than lose her altogether. She told me that she loved me but this is something she had to do and as upset as i was i told her i loved her enough to let her go. I said that over time we may get back together as i have loved her for so long and she was the only one for me. She said not to wait and i shouldn't live in the hope. We were both crying as you would expect.

It has only been 2 days since that day but i feel a piece of me is missing and i want it back. I need it back. I know she loves me and she did agree that we should have taken things slower. I need some insight on how to proceed to get her back in my life one way or the other. I know we still have a chance. Sorry write an essay about it and as you all can understand theres alot i have had to miss out. Any advise please!!!! Thank you all. x

Wow... first of all, I am sorry for the bullshit you have to go through. I can't imagine what that must be like... honestly, my condolences are with you.

Ah... women. My friend, I wish I could tell you why they do this. I can't:) Noone can, not even them. It is an unsolved and unsolveable mystery. I usually rant on about this, but I will try to keep this one short:)

To me, it honestly sounds like she has been and is cheating. Sorry... I can't be sure, and I know you would never see that coming, but from the story, it seems almost obvious that there is at least another guy waiting for her on the sidelines. Again, I'm not sure about this, and you shouldn'e jump to that conclusion.

Otherwise (and also, I guess) she is scared to death of commitment. How old are you (both)? Sounds like she will not let herself "settle" and "commit" this early in her life, as she feels she would be missing out on what life really has to offer her. I know, I know; this is BULLSHIT. It really sucks and really makes me wish I was gay sometimes... I can't explain this to you; they grow up having been told this all their little girly lives; it's not that you aren't "good enough" just that she thinks she needs to see more of the world (which she doesn't) but there is no stopping her. I think you made the right choice in loving her enough to let her go. You sound like a very sane, sound, wise man. Kudos to you.

I know you want her back; but do you really want a person who completely changes face on you overnight? People like this will do this sort of thing again, even if by some miracle you can convince her to come back... It is not fair; you love her and have (assumedly) done nothing to wrong her, and she gets up one day and decides to leave and put everyone's life in a mess. She is a woman. This is what she does.

Is there still a chance? Um... maybe; it would really take a miracle though, but that's why there are miracles:) She told you not to call her ever again and not to hope for her? Why? She is REALLY insecure; but I am confident you have showed her and told her how much you love her... that doesn't seem to be the problem. Honestly, the problem seems to be her. She is just living in this dream of whatever... bullshit anyways it doesnt matter. The funny thing is if this had all happened like a year later, you guys would be fine. But no, she doesn't want to "pigeonhole" herself as she believes she still has "life to live" as you said... I really don't know what to tell you other than this is how women are, and it is best to try and move on.... but I, like you, would not be able to do that! I honestly don't know if it is possible to get her back; YOU are very much for that, but it unfortunately takes two people to make that work, and if she doesnt care less, then your efforts are in vain. Have you talked to her parents? Friends? There is something going on here under the surface; I would try to find that out. I would also give her time and space; maybe a week-ish? Don't cut it off completely, just you will need to go at HER pace... if she can even accept that... I really don't know what to tell you; I am sorry about this, and you really sound like a guy who deserves to be loved back as much as you give your love. Please keep us updated on the situation and if you can give any mroe info?

I'm trying to give you rep, Thinker. That was great.

Understand one thing and that is you should never pain over someone to the measure and extent you have gone through if the other person doesn't equally pain in the same measures as you. If you allow yourself to live and suffer in this fashion you will be nothing but an object, twisted and exhausted by the environment around you.

Recognize that continually living this lifestyle will be nothing but devastating, leaving you in a place of absolute desolation and depression that is almost unbearable. Why do this to yourself? You deserve more as a human being, and you must believe.

This is not a hypothetical contemplation, but by my very own life experience. I have been there, friend, and I understand how it hurts to have a consistently sustaining void, never ceasing to torture the mental faculties and optimism of the heart. However, the more we want to fill the void by earnestly trying to put the same person back into our life the more we lose ourselves in the process.

I don't advocate logic when it comes to love and relationship too often but this is an instance where the principle no longer applies. Do take a step back and look at your life for all its potential and not it's shortcomings as you probably think that she is the only potential in your life. Allowing yourself this time to reprocess all your thoughts and relinquish all the crippling notions. The probable conclusion when you are in the rational state is she is probably not meant to be in your life. Another probable conclusion that you'll make is that she is cheating on you with another man.

Stand strong and know that this is just another life lesson. Our failures in love often become our greatest blessings, however, they are often only realized when another person shows us the contrary to everything we thought was impossible by emblazing the ember of our heart in the most essential of ways, dispelling the myths of the past that we believed to be true. That person you will eventually meet—smile.

Borealis

Wazoo, count your blessings that she had what it took to end it before the wedding. She could have done this two years down the line, with a baby to consider.

I know you feel like a piece of yourself is missing, but it actually isn't. You've just grown around her like that. You'll fill in and you will feel better.

You're not broken.

Thanks for your input guys!

Well to answer the question about has she found someone else the answer is simple no. I know her that well that she would at least be honest to tell me.

Anyway, i've gioven her time and space but alass still no contact. I suppose i will just have to move on as best i can. It will be hard but i take great comfort in the words from you guys have given and helped me realise that i am not the one to blame in all this.

Who knows, she may realise in time how stupid shes been and text, phone or write me. All i really want now is the friendship i miss which we had for 7 years. Shame she would give that up as well. Maybe she thinks it would be easier for me or as i'm thinking probably easier for her. Call me old fashioned but i always believed that when you love someone you try to work things out not just walk away.

Any how, thanks again. I will now try to walk the path as a single person and see where life takes me.

xxx