Can you be Friends with someone youre in Love with?
About 4 months ago, I became involved with a girl in an online relationship, and it was great. I met her through a mutual friend, and we started talking as just friends. After awhile, she told me that she was really attracted to me and wanted a relationship. I said that I did too, as the feelings were mutual. Had you asked me a year ago, I wouldve told you theres no way I would have an online relationship.
But in the last 4 months, we have experienced this incredible connection unlike anything I have ever felt with any other person Ive dated. We've always been able to be honest with each other about everything, and can talk about anything. ANYTHING. We usually know what the other one is thinking before a word is said. I cant even explain how great it has been, even though we had never met in person, it was amazing to go to sleep at night and be truly happy. It was such a relief to find someone that loved me for who I was. Someone that just 'get's you. Someone that feels the same way about things that you do (we're both in college and hate it). Someone that knows how some of my life experiences have affected me (Im a Vet and have some mild PTSD), and was willing to help me with it and work with me instead of just run away. Long story short, I have never loved a girl like I do this one. Most people would look at our relationship and think its wierd or unhealthy. But honestly, when I think of how Ive felt in previous relationships and the level of communication we have, I think its the healthiest one Ive ever been in.
We had made several attempts to meet in person, but due to schedules or financial problems we could never seem to make it happen. In the last 2 weeks or so, I had noticed that things were a little different than normal, but I couldnt put my finger on it. Well, Monday night she tells me that she had done some thinking about us, and had come to the conclusion that she sees me as a 'best friend' rather than a 'boyfriend'. We talked about it, and she says that even though she loves me very much, and still finds me attractive, and that I still make her happy, that she doesnt think she has the 'boyfriend' feelings anymore. I asked if she knew what caused it, and she said she didnt really know, just that thats how she was feeling. She also said that she wants no one else but me (I dont understand that), and that "who knows what will happen when we're around each other, this could just be a phase that she's in right now".
She still wants to be close friends, and I want us to still be close more than anything, but Im a total wreck right now. I dont know what Im supposed to do here. She says that she still wants us to meet, and that no one knows what will happen with us when we're physically around each other. I told her I need some time to let all this sink in, and that even though I love her very much and want us to still be close, I wasnt sure how this will affect us. I feel she thinks things will just go back to the way they were before we 'got together', but for me its not that easy.
I feel like Im going to always have to wonder if the love she used to have for me will ever come back. It hurts to know that I used to be able to put that 'spark' in her and make her feel special, but I dont anymore. I want us to be close, but I dont know what to do.
Im open to ANY opinions, insights, ideas, perceptions, or questions.
