When her parents become a problem

Well, below is a letter/email I wrote to my girlfriend.. if you read it, you'll get the whole story.. if you can't be bothered or it's too long for you, look at another thread. =S

Quote:

dear ****,

forgive me if this email seems really long . it's really important though . hopefully you'll take the time to read through it . if your scared to read on because you think it might be a breakup letter, don't be . it's not . it's up to you whether you care or not to read on . i'm not here to make that decision for you .

these are simply words from a broken heart . </3

hopefully this will be the last time i'll be convincing you to stay . i thought it wouldn't hurt so bad, i thought it'd be nothing . but honestly jess, i just don't know how much more pain i can take before my heart literally breaks in half . it's gotten to the point that i'm losing dignity (self-respect) . =*(

is it really that bad?

jess, i really don't understand why you'd just want to be friends . you don't want to lie to your family? ...about what? about being true to yourself and true to your heart? .. which one would you rather do? lie to your family, or lie to your heart? if you really love me and really can't lose me like you say, i really don't see anything bad about lieing to your family
if your only being true to yourself and to your heart, unless you really don't want to be with me . =( it's not like i'm taking you away from your family, it's not like we have sex or do anything extreme like that, and it's not like we kiss much either . not saying im in it for the hugs, kisses, sex, whatever, but im in it for you . so.. you tell me, because i really don't understand, what's wrong with lieing about love? is it really that bad? is it like lieing about being a drug addict, smoker, or having sex (not saying you are)? but really, is it that bad for you to not want to be with me ?

ok.. maybe it's something else?

maybe your just trying to see if i really love you by having me wait so long just to be with you again ? i don't know.. but what i do know
is my heart is literally tearing apart, i've cried a million tears, and i'm losing dignity (self-respect) . it hurts so bad, i can actually feel my heart breaking inside . =( is that not enough for you, jess ? is that not enough for you to just give love a chance and let it be ? because if it isn't, i don't know what is . i've already had to go through the pain of just being your friend once, and now you want both of us to go through it again ?
=( i really don't understand why ... why you have to make things so hard, for yourself.. for us... for me...

do you really want both of us to go through 3 years of pain ? do you want my heart to literally break in half, to the point i won't ever be able to love again ? would that be enough for you ?

how many times have you said that you realize and know that i
love you ? quite alot, right ? well, i'm not sure you do .. =S .. if you did, you wouldn't want me to go through all of this.. you wouldn't want us to go through all of this ..

if you think 3 years will go by quick, i'll be the first to tell you it won't . not when you're heart is tearing apart, not when you cry, not when you're sad, it could be like forever .

what if...

what if it was the other way around? what if I had a strict family, and you didn't?

would you still love me, even after all the heartbreak and pain, like i still loved you, even after having my heart torn apart over and over ?
would you fight for me whenever i thought about or tried to break up or let go, like i fought for you ?
would you run after me if i left your side, like i'd do anything to convince you to stay and give love another chance ?
would you still love me even if we had to be friends, like i'd still love you ?

i hope you do realize that even though you have a strict family and i don't, that doesn't mean things are any easier for me . it hurts just as much, if not more .

final message

i hope you take the time to think things through jess.. think about what you really want to do.. think about what really matters to you.. do you really want us to be together ?

finally, whatever happens to us, now, in the future, and when we both get old, i hope you remember me as someone who truly loved you and someone who truly cared . <3

love,

**** (me)

She replied with the email below:

Quote:

can we meet this friday ?
somewhere ? anywhere ?
i just cant lie to my family anymore .
its really hard and im tryna be a good gurl ..
yehh .. but its gonna be like a test .. to see if we still love each other in 3 years time .
im so sorry ;

<3 ****_x.

I honestly don't know what to think.. I don't even know what to think of that letter or what to say to her in response to that letter.. :tears: :wacko:

Is lieing to family really that big of a problem? :blink: I don't understand.. I'm a good guy (I'd say =P) and I wouldn't do anything bad or interrupt in her studies.. I actually help her out when she's having problems with homework/assignments .. o_o

What would you do ? what would you say ?

It seems you are giving much more to this relationship than she, but then again I only have these two emails to base my judgement. Parents cant stop love, yes they can make it extremely hard, but you choose if it is more important to deal with their shit or give up and then you obviously dont care about your partner as much. I know plenty of people that went against their parents will in choosing their husband/wife and are still together after 25+ years. You should never need to lie to your parents, its not like she could hide you forever nor should she want to. When parents become a problem you deal with it like all problems. Negotiate at first to see if they can understand why their child has chosen to be with you, and if that doesnt work and your love is the most important than they wont see their child as much.

What is she lying about to her parents?

Lying is bad for your soul. If she's not willing to be a liar, you should see that as a GOOD thing.