Socially Inept

I am an idiot. Today I managed to tell the girl I'm dating that I was skipping a party because it was gonna be a total sausage fest. She wasn't familiar with the term, so I explained that it meant there wouldn't be any poon. It only took me about four hours to realize what a moronic statement that was.

I then challenged her best friend to touch her elbows behind her back while I stared at her rack. Following that, I spanked said friend's ass. I did this while sober.

Later I bumped into an old friend and managed to call him by the wrong name. Not just any wrong name, mind you, but the name of the guy who is banging his girlfriend. It took me an equally long time to realize why he gave me such a funny look.

God damnit. Sounds like someone needs to get liquored up.

DUDE! I can't believe you ****ed up that much in one day! What's next- are you gonna tongue kiss your mom? Slap a baby? What?

And five minutes after reading this, I'm STILL laughing my ass off.

Guys like you are the reason women travel to the bathroom in packs. Yes, they are talking about YOU.

Holy shit are you a dumbass.

Now lets go play some Xbox and laugh about it.

f*ck social conventions, keep doing what you're doing.