Hopeless Romantic=Self Destructive?

I define Hopeless Romantic as not knowing how to hold back feelings when the future is unknown. Not sure if thats the right defenition but just keep that in mind while I talk about it. I think I can explain this best by telling of how I came to this idea.

I was home over winter break from college and had thought about a girl that I was friends with, had only talked to her in one of my classes and in guitar club but had a lot of fun when I did, and hadnt seen nor talked to her since high school(so about 3 years). Finally grew the balls to call her randomly out of the blue to see if she wanted to go on a date and catch up on things the night before I had to come back to college. She took me up on my offer and we out for the night and had an amazing time, so great that we met the next morning at 7am (she had to be home at 2am) to watch the sunrise at a local beach and ended up eatin breakfast, havin coffee, and then goin back to the beach to keep talking until around noon ( I had originally planned on going back to school at 10am). We have talked on the phone a lot since I left, and I cant stop thinking of her. She is the first girl I have had so much fun with since my first love, so when I try to analyze my feelings with my mind I see this as insane because I only spent about a full day with her since high school, and even during that we never dated or anything. This is where my idea of Self Destructiveness came into play, because I feel I am falling for her but then when I try to rationalize it I try to stop these feelings. It is also hard to rationalize falling for someone so quickly because it could be much easier to end up heart broken even though nothing serious in relationship terms has started seeing as I dont even know as much about her as the other girls I had before feelings this much towards them. This leads me to blowing up the memories of being with her larger than they were and expecting too much when I talk to her again. Which is bad because if those unneededly risen expectations are not met, I start feeling depressed as if I lost what could have been. But I also know that if I just let my feelings fly and keep thinking about her all the time, and then find the feelings are not returned I'll end up feeling depressed neways lol. So by not being able to hold back my feelings I start acting self destructivly.

After writing this the only answer I see as it not being self destructive is if I let myself feel whatever and then hopefully get lucky with her. Even then it could only be another LDR which I could handle but know how hard it is to keep one (my first love was a 2 1/2 year 1 1/2 hours drive LDR). Bah, anyone experience this before? Any suggestions?

Hey, el, why does opening up have to destroy you? You're connecting with her- you don't have to be so self-protective in this situation. Time enough to clam up later, if danger rears it's ugly head, but I think you should be open to new and potentially positive experiences.

Dude, I'm right there with you in your fear of just...letting go.

It's scary as hell, and if you're like me, even if you do decide to take the plunge, you won't do it without weighing the options extensively before hand and even still when you you decide to let go.

I don't know if this is your time to give in to your feelings, you obviously don't know. It's all a huge risk, it's a matter of whether you think she is worth the risk. Is "love" for lack of a better word, worth the risk?

I can tell you this, I, like you avoided taking such a risk. For 19 years of my life. I won't say I regret having waited so long. I didn't know what I was looking for, and didn't even really know I was looking for anything at all. But I know there definitely came a time when I knew that if I didn't gamble a little, I'd regret having not taken the chance. Cliche maybe, but life is short. Unfortunately we don't know how short. Just do us both a favor, even if you pass this one up, just don't make it a habit. 'K?

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Dude, I'm right there with you in your fear of just...letting go.

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Yep. Ditto for me.

It's scary how much this girl likes me...and how much I'm starting to like her.

Part of me wants to run.

Ok i'm going to respond to this because I, apparently like yourself, am an absolutely hopeless romantic.

If I had the time and weren't a Deist I would pray every day that I would be transported to a world of fantastic chivalry, dragons and princesses and knights errant and werewolves (yeah yeah, I LIKE WEREWOLVES OK!!) and all that good stuff.



But I digress....

Life is full of "What if's".

Or is it?

There is no such thing as a what if, there is what you *can do*, and there is what you *have done*. When in comes to women, and I shall earn massive nerd points for this, you either Do, or Do Not. There is No Try.

Regardless of the reasoning behind your feelings for someone, if you don't go after them in your own fashion *NOTHING WILL HAPPEN*

I am going to stress this last bit as much as possible because, while cliched, it is amazingly true;

BE YOURSELF.

Don't change your mannerisms and percieved "Self-Destructive" ways, that's what makes YOU *you*. One day someone who can appreciate the aspects of you that you have branded "Self-Destructive" will come along and you will know a love deeper than anything you have gained through supressing what you truly are.

To deny oneself is to deny the world, to deny the world denies oneself.

Be yourself, ENJOY LIFE, be carefree, give your worries unto Fate, say "Aww what the hell," and take opportunity when you see it.

Luck on ya mate.

Hopeless romantic: someone that thinks of love passionately.

That is what a dictionary seems to think. I don't know, just throwing stuff out there.

Thanks very much for the responses. I would normally tell her how I feel, but then again I usually dont feel this much towards someone after such short time together. I'm also afraid that because its been such a short time, if I tell her how I feel I could scare her away. Meh, I need to just relax and be me, its just hard cause I cant see her. Thx for readin my vents.

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Originally Posted by elNatural [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks very much for the responses. I would normally tell her how I feel, but then again I usually dont feel this much towards someone after such short time together. I'm also afraid that because its been such a short time, if I tell her how I feel I could scare her away. Meh, I need to just relax and be me, its just hard cause I cant see her. Thx for readin my vents.

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Most guys are hopeless romantics.

Some are just better at hiding it than others.

You got the hopeless romantic's and the "typical" guys. Atleast thats how I see it most of the time. Typical being the guys who think 99% of the time using his Dick alone.

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Originally Posted by Zach [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You got the hopeless romantic's and the "typical" guys. Atleast thats how I see it most of the time. Typical being the guys who think 99% of the time using his Dick alone.

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"Typical" would suggest your average.

But when you consider your "typical" guy gets married, it's hard to think they're only thinking with their dick.

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

"Typical" would suggest your average.

But when you consider your "typical" guy gets married, it's hard to think they're only thinking with their dick.

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I think sometimes the "typical" guys come to the good side. People do change. The typical guys are part of the reason why marriages fail so much. Only a part of course.

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Originally Posted by Zach [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think sometimes the "typical" guys come to the good side. People do change. The typical guys are part of the reason why marriages fail so much. Only a part of course.

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I think there's a lot more guys out there like you than you think there are.

You just don't hear about them as much because, well, they're like you, not goin' to crazy parties and screwin' sluts and makin' a big name for themselves.

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think there's a lot more guys out there like you than you think there are.

You just don't hear about them as much because, well, they're like you, not goin' to crazy parties and screwin' sluts and makin' a big name for themselves.

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I dont doubt the number of hopeless romantics in the world, I just seem to notice there are few around where I live. Everything around here is ridiculous. Clubs and Partying are EVERYTHING around here. Its really sad. Its just from what I have seen lately. Thats about it.

Well if we wanna get technical, that generalization was in reference to a time frame. Not to the ability to use the brain.

Aegis: prove it.

Varulfr: 100 nerd points for you.

I think the only "hopeless" case I've seen around here is David12. In the face of reality, he does not turn from his path, but cries, "Onward! Ever onward to love!"