This is what I wrote up after I broke up with my boyfriend

Betrayal.


It's just a word until it is put into action. Such a simple thing can destroy even the strongest of friendships, loves, and bonds that connect all of us and make us human. But doesn't the capability to betray also make us human? Does the fact that we are human and can make such mistakes excuse our actions?

How is it that we can act out of selfish desires and not even consider everyone around us, whether it affects them or not?

There are so many unanswered questions floating around in my head. Most are about me, but the rest focus on the people closest to me. Have they made the right choices? Where do I fit in to all of this?

It's weird to feel so lost for so long and think you've found your way just to have everything ripped out from underneath you. And then you realize, you've always been lost, you just thought you found the path, but it was only a shadow.

As I lay in Future Park earlier today, I felt as if the whole world was looking down upon me and judging me. What is she doing with her life? Why can't she see in the dark like so many of us pretend to do? Then I answer back in my head, I'm just trying to live. I'm trying to make it through each day without giving up. I don't want to pretend because then I might actually start to believe I can see where I'm going.

The sun is filtered by the branches of a tree, making awkward shadows that dance across my face in the wind. I look up at the sky and almost start to cry like my best friend had been doing for hours. Like I had been for hours. Like I wanted to so badly. But I held my tears in because I had to be strong. I had to be strong for everyone. They need me. They count on me to be there for them when I can't even be there for myself, and yet I do it anyway because if I don't, then who will?

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Originally Posted by Sarah18 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm making a desperate attempt to sound reflective and intelligent so that I can post it online and have everybody respect me, even though I'm an insecure female who needs to grow some testicles and move on with my life.

Now, who wants to be the first to let me cry on their shoulder before I slit my wrists?

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Not me.

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Originally Posted by Sarah18 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I had to be strong for everyone. They need me. They count on me to be there for them when I can't even be there for myself, and yet I do it anyway because if I don't, then who will?

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This will **** you up. Don't do this.

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Originally Posted by Sarah18 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How is it that we can act out of selfish desires and not even consider everyone around us, whether it affects them or not?

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This is something I've been working on to improve myself. It is part human nature, but people have to be conscious of how they affect the world surrounding them.

Try to make as light of a footprint as you can, however, people do make mistakes. Take them for what they are worth and grow from the experience.

that was very poetic.

so poetic that i couldnt read it.

keep it simple.

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Originally Posted by Sarah18 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But I held my tears in because I had to be strong. I had to be strong for everyone. They need me. They count on me to be there for them when I can't even be there for myself, and yet I do it anyway because if I don't, then who will?

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Yes, this is what it means to be a grown up. If you don't believe me, ask your mom.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yes, this is what it means to be a grown up. If you don't believe me, ask your mom.

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This person isn't anybody's mom. She needs to climb back down off the cross.

I think it is normal for people of all ages to take turns being strong for each other, whether or not they are parents. If this load is too much for her to bear, she needs to simply speak up.

Of course, my line of thinking is that a good person's problems arise not necessarily because he/she gives too much, but because they don't ask for what they need.