Ladies. Question. Petty question, but a question.

This sounds petty, and I know it, but I've had a long night and just figured I'd post here and see what kind of answers I get.

Long story as short as possible although I know it'll turn into a novel.

My buddy introduced me to this girl. We started dating. Dated for a month. Things were great. But things with her family, college, and financial situation with college got rough. She felt as though she were bringing me down, and decided we'd be better off being friends for now until she sorts through this stuff on her own, that way she doesn't have the guilt of feeling like I'm being strung along while she deals with her problems. Okay fine. At least she's not being self centered about it, and is conscious of my well being. I would of stood by her side, but anyway she made her decision and is pretty hopeful for the future.

Now for the ex bf part. She dated a guy for a year and a half. Things weren't bad for them but weren't good either. They split up (she split it off) and he kept begging for a second chance. She got irritated and got fed up with him. However, lately he's been a nice guy. He's let her alone for the last couple weeks though, however she hopes they can remain on speaking terms due to the fact that they work together (but only 1 day a week or so).

Tonight her and I were talking about our ex bf/gf because we both came from long term relationships (her 1.5 years, me 4.5 years). She had this fear that I'd go back to my ex, even though my ex cheated on me and hasn't talked to me in months. So I cleared it up and confirmed I'd never go back to her. Then I asked her about her ex. She said well, I don't think I ever could. She said being completely realistic, the only way I ever could go back to him is if he got into college, got a real job, moved out of his dad's house and could live a sustainable life on his own, which would take a freakin miracle. But even then, it'd just be the point of which she'd CONSIDER it. That's at least what she said.

Well, 12 hours ago, she put up a survey on myspace. Yeah, petty for me to question this, I know. But there was a question about do you like anybody now? She said no. Hmm... Did she put that with intent that she didn't want to string me along? Is she truly not into me anymore?

Then, we talked. Keep in mind this is 12 hours after she put the survey up. So we talked and I asked her how things were going. She said they're getting better, but very slowly. I said ahh, keep your chin up, keep moving forward, you can do it. Etc. So then after talking for half an hour, she put up an away message.

"starting to feel a little bit better. missing someone..."

This may be a dumb question, but since her and I were talking about her ex and whether or not she'd go back to him, I was questioning whether that missing someone was her ex or not. Then again, here I was urging her to push forward and not give up, and that everything will be worthwhile. So maybe it was to me?

Sounds petty. I know. But it's on my mind now and I'm tired so I figured I'd post. Come morning I know I'll think this is a little ridiculous but anyway, just for kicks, what do you folks think?

lol You sound like me... I think to much about the smallest shit.

But your really know what I think? I think you and her need to talk and tell her that if you two are going to go forward with your relationship.. both of you need to stop playing cat and mouse over the internet. Be nice but be blunt... because that is the best way to figure out what is goin on with her..

I mean... it seems she is still hung over her ex.. that's for sure. But yea.. ask her.
Tell her that no matter what she says.. you'll still be there. But she needs to tell you what she really wants. Does she still miss him and want him back? And does she want to move on and be with you.

You never want any unanswered questions...

but then again.. I ask too many questions.. lol

and you know what? You said "ladies, question." Ha! Well you get a reply from another guy first.

jMarkt said it best...you think too much about the small stuff..

and I agree with him on finding out what she wants. She may not be intentionally dragging you along and that's why she kind of "broke it off" with you, but she isn't being honest about what she wants with her ex boyfriend. If she wants him back, she needs to just be straight up with you and tell you that.

Just ask her...don't be forceful and yes, let her know that you're still going to be there with whatever answer she gives you..that you just feel like it's fair for her to let you know, rather than not.

Does she want to be with you and she still just needs to sort things out with school and everything, or has she decided that she would rather just stay friends with you? ask her this sooner rather than later...

:)

I did ask her. When we split I said, is this something to do with your ex? Because if it is, I'll accept it and have to move on, but I just want to know. She said no, he hurt me too much and I just couldn't go back to him. She said she believes she rushed into another relationship too soon, and she said if she gets involved in another one she wants to have her mind clear so she doesn't feel guilty about her past still lingering in her head. She admitted that she'd consider going back to him, however he'd have to go to college, get a real job, move out of his dad's house and show he can live an independent sustainable life before she even considered that. Well, he DID get a new job, I know that much. But she said a big reason she was attracted to me is knowing I went to college because she knew I was working for something. He didn't go to college, so even though he has a new job, I guess it's nothing to really worry about. But she said that it would take him a LOT of cleaning up to do before she'd even consider going back to him, and she said he's just too dependent to do any of that on his own. I said to her "So it would essentially take a miracle for you to even "consider" going back?" She said yeah, it would.

Now she said things like, yeah I mean, I miss his family and stuff, but at the same time I know I can't date somebody just to be around their family. I could relate too, being that I was like a son to my ex's parents, so I think that made her feel a little better knowing she wasn't alone.

But when we split I said... so what's this mean? Do you want to be friends forever? Do you just want time off and then we'll date in the future? Do you want to go back to your ex? What does this all mean? I have to know what's on your mind. She said well... I'd hate myself if I lost your friendship, but this is something I just have to do for myself. I need to deal with these problems on my own because I feel guilty if someone else is standing next to me watching me go through this. She said it's not about going back to her ex, she said it'd take a miracle to even consider going back to him and so far that miracle is far from happening. HOWEVER, she said they do talk now and then and she's happy they can talk without yelling at each other being that they work together under a high stress job and don't want to deal with that at work. But she said she doesn't want to just have alone time. She said she doesn't want to walk around day by day where she's single and dealing with these problems knowing that on a set date we'll get back together. She said she wants to be as stress free as possible, and wants to just freely go day by day knowing if it's meant to be, it'll be. My buddy said that he thinks she'd give it another shot, but right now something is just taking higher priority, which is her getting her stuff straightened out.

So for the time being I'm just talking with her and trying to give her a pick-me-up whenever I sense that she is down. So far everytime it worked, after all when she got done talking to me last night she said in her away message that she felt a bit better about things. But in my eyes, if I sulk and act all upset and try to feel pity, she won't give a shit. If I man up and keep coming around, show her I'm there for her, and maybe ask her out somewhere in the future when things are going better, then I think she'd be more suseptible to want to date again.

So in essence:

-Has some problems she is dealing with.
-Wants to be alone while she deals with them so she doesn't feel guilty about hurting me in some way shape or form.
-Admits she'd consider going back to her ex, however it'd take him a lot of cleaning up to do which seems like it's mission impossible for him. However, who knows, maybe he could.
-Admits she cares about me, but just needs to be on her own to deal with this.

I talk to her best friend now and then and she said that she's just going through a lot. Her friend suggests that I stick around, but give her a lot of space. Give it a few weeks and then come around a bit more. Maybe ask her out somewhere and see how that goes, and try to start over.

*Just for the record, I noticed I said that she's dealing with a lot of problems in here but didn't specify, but it's not like she has a drug problem or anything. Just issues with her parents and college and such. The stress is just pushing her more and more.*

Wow that was one hell of a novel.

but yea. Just be there for her that's the best you can do.
good luck man.

I know it's a novel. But I just feel like you guys need to hear the entire story to pose an accurate answer. Ya know?

It's frustrating to watch things not work out for you, bt. Again. You keep ending up in romantic limbo. I feel for you.

And yeah, all you can do is wait and see. You can't make this happen. You just have to let it happen.

Thanks Giga.

Just to update, she and her ex are 100% through, not even friendship will work. She's done, sick of him, etc. Now she seems to be regretting splitting up with me, although still relieved that I'm still here and still interested.

I give it a week (2 weeks MAX) until we're back together. Just gotta be patient and see what happens. I'll post back here if it happens.

We're back together.

<3

heh good for you bt

You make me ****in' nervous with the "be patient" stuff, man...

Way to go!