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Hello everyone! :)
What should you do if you feel under pressure to have sex? Should you just cave in, because the relationship will fall apart if you don't? Or should you stand firm, even if the relationship crumbles and you're left all on your own? :P
And when is pressure acceptable as gentle persuasion, and when has it gone too far?
If sex is the #1 priority, the relationship isn't going anywhere. Dont allow yourself to be taken advantage of.
I say let it crumble.
though yes, "gentle persuasion" is okay if that's what you want/need. for instance, I was really shy and insecure about sexual things. Wasn't comfortable even with being touched through clothes. I needed my bf to gradually make me loosen up; he knew when 'no' was actually 'yes', and when it was really no. That's not the same as pressuring though, that's just reading someone well :)
If you have the opportunity, take it. You might not have that same chance for a long, long time.
Yeah, that's something I need to learn to decipher well.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiay [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm so hesitant with my girlfriend I don't want to push her to say no at all, and if she does, even if she really wanted me to keep going, I'd stop right away.
heh... yeah,looking back, I'm impressed that he didn't get discouraged.
Plus, I know taking a step too far could potentially kill the mood all-together. I'd take more risks if I saw her more frequently, I'd hate to **** up the mood because I'm feeling too adventurous with what little time we have.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiay [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
On the plus side, it seems like every time I see her, she opens up just a little more so I don't feel like I'm really stuck, just moving really slow.
If you force yourself to have sex when you really don't want to, you'll just end up feeling horrible about it afterwards. Best to wait until you feel ready I'd say. If the relationship crumbles as a result of you wanting to wait for sex, then your partner obviously wasn't right for you anyway.
In my experience you should take time out to figure out what you actually want from your relationship before you go anywhere near sex. If you want different things, then its not going to last. So yeah, think about it and if you really feel pressured and you don’t get the space you need when you ask for it, you know its not right.
Don't ever do anything you don't want to do.
My bf says he loves me but he can't go with out sex any longer, and if I don't put out he's going to leave me. So I'm thinking I should just give in, but after what you guys have said I'm not so sure. I don't want to lose him, but I dont know what to do. I just feel under so much pressure. I had to push him off me the other night because he was making me feel uncomfortable. Is it me with the problem, am I weird for feeling this way? What should I do? Should I just forget all my worries and just go for it? I really dont want to lose him.
If he loved you he'd wait for you to be ready, don't bother wither this twat.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Squished [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
If he loved you and cared about you, he would understand that you aren't ready and not try to pressure you into anything. It's a matter of respect. Understand, though, that he isn't in the same place developmentally, and may need to move on. Sometimes the timing of a relationship is all wrong.
How old are you?
I'm 18 nearly 19 so its not like I'm not old enough. Just a bit nervous really but maybe this is one of those times where I should forget about how I feel about it and just do it? I know guys can find it hard to stay in a relationship without sex so I don't blame him. I just wish I could be more cool with it, but it just makes me really unconfortable and I can tell he's getting frustrated with me.
Too bad for him. You're young. You aren't ready. If he can't be bothered to wait it out then you need to find someone else. Believe it or not, there actually are guys out there who will respect your wishes.
He's wrong. Period.