hangin' out with her once grow my suppressed feeling again once more time.. help!
Dear everybody,
All these things might be a lil bit long, but please bear with it and if possible pliz give me some advices coz i'm cravin for one, desperately need it..
Okay so here we go,
There is this one girl I like (she's two years younger than me), or you can say i'm fallin for. I knew her around 1 year ago from the internet (like friendster, myspace, etc2). I like her the very moment I saw her. She's from the same country as mine (same city as well), but she's currently studyin abroad for another 2 years and im stuck here so we can say that it is a long-distance relationship. Though it's not like anything like that has happened in our relationship.
So, after approaching, I decided to tell her that I like her. That was around 6 months ago if im not mistaken. I told her how I felt towards her, how much I like her. She was kinda surprised by my confession and said politely that she didn't think of me in that kind of way and would be glad if we could only be friends. She had very bad love relationship with her prev bf and that's one of her reasonings, sayin that she's not really ready yet to start another relationship in the near future, afraid of gettin hurt and hurting others in the process. I thought it was just a polite way to reject a guy you don't like. I saw that all of this was pointless and that time I decided that we were better off friends.
She said some sweet things like, "Well, so that you now know my answer, would you leave me lile what others did? We will still be friends, right?" (These were all msn conversations).
I, bein your typical nice-guy, replied, "Sure do, we are forever friends." and I really mean it.
"Promise?"
"Yeah." and that's it.
Well then, after around one month, I noticed that she already had a bf and it hurt me even more. Yes, we were still contacting each other, as if nothin had happened. I was afraid of askin her but deep inside, I was crushed. During that moment, I started to realize that she was not the one for me and I need to get over it. Slowly I started to forget her (we're still in touch though). And then, suddenly she said to me that she already broken up with his bf and she felt so sad. I, on the other hand felt happy and this whole thing kinda disgusted me. I mean, would you be glad over sumone else's remorse? I just couldn't help it.
Ever since I knew her, she already had a bf two times, all while knowin the fact that I loved her. A hunch sayin that im not the right guy for her. I know but this one thing that happened recently screwed me up once more.
Last week, I got to visit her country (which she was stayin for now) and she knew this. While I was waititng to board the plane, she messaged me. It was rare now that she was havin a relationship with a boy for around three months, but I didn't give a damn bout that. I was just glad. So, the conversation looked like this,
(when i'm at the airport)
She: "im bored.."
Me : "why? what're u doin now?"
She: "nothin.. just plain bored.."
Me : "why duncha go watch movies? like let's say spiderman 3?"
She: "i'd love to. but right now there's noone i can ask for it.."
(i thought, u could ask ur bf, rite?)
Me : "just drag one of ur friends, that'll do"
She: "heh, dun feel like it. so what're doin now? haven't departed yet?"
Me : "nah, the plane got delayed for three hours. sucks"
She: "haha.. what a pity"
Me : "yeah, that puts us both in the same situation. boredom"
She: "maybe. well, I'll continue to wait for him (gotcha! it's HIM from the start). Im takin a nap. Im tired of waitin for him all this time"
Me : "okay, see you around. im about to depart in few minutes"
then tomorrow night (monday night) in singapore already
Me : "hello, this is me"
She: "yes, bro"
Me : "eaten yet? still bored?"
She: "already eat. when do u arrive?"
Me : "last nite. around 12 am"
She: "so when will you be back to ur country?"
Me : "this saturday"
She: "aww. so fast.. just thinkin of askin you out for spiderman 3"
(i was shocked during that moment coz we never talked directly before, only messaging or msn. and in my whole life i haven't gone out with a girl even once and im twenty one. that makes me a weirdo, but i dun care)
(after regaining myself)
Me : "heh. you must be kiddin me (I asked her out before and she rejected me constantly. now she's askin me out. that would be unbelievable. yeah, she did say that she wanted to see me last week. that time she hadn't known that im goin to her place. but i thought it's only a joke). i got work to do here. so maybe at night? if not, how 'bout a dinner?"
She: "the movie IS at night, so?"
(man, i couldn't belive my luck! that's what i thought)
Me : " sure do. but you'll be the guide. im not too familiar with places around here."
She: "okay."
(then we decided to meet on thursday nite)
Me : "so, do i need to make a report to ur bf now that im askin u out, borrowin u out for a nite surely has crossed the line, isn't it?"
She: "no need. we already broke up this mornin and i cry a lot coz of that"
(so, ur askin me out because of that? not because u really want it? anyway, i dun think bout it too much. the fact that she's the one askin me out already amazed me)
So then, we met for the first time thursday night 10.30 pm. she was so pretty, just as usual. I was waitin there and she quickly walked to me happily (maybe just my imagination) and gladly shaked my hand.
Im just a newbie in this kinda of thing. I mean, I never went out with a girl even once before. I did, but it was not one-on-one. Now, this one could be called a date, isn't it. I was terribly excited that time, like I could burst out at any time. And I told her that during that time, she just smiled (i love it lol).
We then waited for the movie to start (another half an hour). We chat a lot. She even considered to watch another movie with me the next night (!!!). Then she suggested to take a picture of the two of us together usin her camera (another !!! our first time out, so takin picture the first time meetin, all in all we were only friends, i mean it's weird and not usual in my country, even my sis who went out for his bf for the first time dun take picture like this. she kept on surprising me). I agreed and we took pictures usin her camera and my camera phone (she looked cute in it and i was in a mess haha). She sang for me once (she recorded it and sent it to me through msn) and said that that was her first time recording (i was touched) and then i asked her to sing for me and she did lol.
After that we went inside the cinema. There were no many people inside as it was already very late at night. Only the last four rows occupied. I thought i kinda messed up here coz i didn't talk a lot. When i tried to come up with some jokes, she just laughed a bit and proceed to watch the movie. Really really mess up.
The movie is finished and we went straight home by taxis on our own. She said goodbye and i ask if tomorrow night fine with her? (another movie). She said she would just check it first. Later that night, I couldn't sleep coz of her. She was pretty and surely smelled nice, i think all girls did. That night i messaged her, sayin thanks for the night and i really appreciate all of that. she said thanks also (i dun see any of her excitement, think it was only just me).
Unfortunately, she got another appointment to do that friday and apologized to me about that. That she felt really bad bout that. I said, it's just fine. We can meet another time. I was leavin on saturday so i though meetin up once more time that night would be great. but the fact that she couldn't attend depress me.
Now, after all these things that happen, my feeling for her that i've long tried to hide and forget now emerges one more time. It's just like in the past. I know that it's impossible for me. She doesn't see me the way i do to her. You can say, it's a one-sided love. So what should I do? Im afraid of gettin hurt again but now i can't seem to forget her.. man, this sucks. help
