doesn't love me back...

hey... i'm very confused and could use some of your help

last summer, i met this girl throught one of my friends. in the beginning i just thought she's cute. i got her email and we started chatting on msn. we liked talking to each other.. it turned into a daily routine. then later on i figured out that her and my friend are actually closer than i thought.. at that time i had already fallen in love wit her. althought they never dated it seemed like they really like each other.. my friend always said " she's all yours, i dont like her that way".. but it seemed like she likes him. i never asked her if she had any feelings for him.. but until 2day.. after almost one year.. its still the same she knows i have strong feelings for her but she just doesnt love me back.:upset: i have no clue what to do. she's like the girl i want to marry. please someone give me an advice. thanks.

You exchanged e-mails with her daily and through that you not only fell in love but you've determined she's the one you want to marry? Well guess what, your overblown attachment is a large part of the problem. It's probably too late to fix. I assume you told her you have these strong feelings, yes? And that's more than likely scared her away. Take this as a lesson so you don't screw it up again.

About the only thing you can do is take control of yourself, realize what you're feeling is infatuation tinged with lust, and take it easy. Give it some time, a couple months or so, and try asking her out in a friendly, polite manner. Avoid confessing your undying love for her at all costs. You may as well be confessing your love of eating dead rat fetuses. Maybe, just maybe, if you can rein those wacked out emotions in, she'll give you a shot.

If you've told her that you have strong feeling's for her, and she has told you that she's not into you like that, then there is nothing more that you can do. You can continue to be her friend, if you're the type of guy that likes seeing the girl he likes dating other men. Otherwise, you know what to do. Let go, move on.

I, have a similar problem, Only I'm female. I never told my feelings to the guy I loved, and he hates me now. He won't listen or anything. Take her and explain to her everything. If she cares about you, and didn't waste a year of her life, she'll listen.

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Originally Posted by SaiDome [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I, have a similar problem, Only I'm female. I never told my feelings to the guy I loved, and he hates me now. He won't listen or anything. Take her and explain to her everything. If she cares about you, and didn't waste a year of her life, she'll listen.

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yeaa she does care about me.. a lot actually.. shes always nice to me and starts talking to me even when im in a bad mood.. but i guess she cant get over my friend.. they have been friends for a long time.. and i guess she just has more feelings for him than me and im sure shes confused of what to do herself.. and i can tottaly tell she would go further with me if he wasnt in her life.. sometimes i just think im over with her. i just wanna keep up the good friendship and its working we get closer and closer.. but then again i hear my heart say ' i still have felings for her'..

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Originally Posted by reza90 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

and i can tottaly tell she would go further with me if he wasnt in her life..

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This guy is your friend, correct?

yea he's a friend of mine.. but really he has told her that he only wants to be friends wit her.. so i cant blame him for anything..

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Originally Posted by reza90 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

yea he's a friend of mine..

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OK so we ruled out the possibility of killing him. ;)

Maybe you should try showing that you are a cooler / more interesting person than he is... Maybe...

Is this guy a lot better looking than you and more sociable?

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Originally Posted by DoesntMatter [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Is this guy a lot better looking than you and more sociable?

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Uhh.. i really don't think so, no. like if i was a girl i wouldn't go out with him. he's not that handsome nor does he have a good personality.. i'm 100% sure i have the better personality and well the rest really depends on one's taste.. i guess she doesn't have a too good taste in men? i don't know. Or maybe its just the good friendship with him that makes her feel really close and comfortable with him. I know im doing better than him right now with the friendship.. but i dont know if its gonna be good enuff.. so yea.. and just now we were chatting on msn and it was really nice.. and by the way she said bye i could tell she really cares.. thats what confuses me so much.. that she cares for me but then nothing happens..

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Originally Posted by reza90 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Or maybe its just the good friendship with him that makes her feel really close and comfortable with him. I know im doing better than him right now with the friendship.. but i dont know if its gonna be good enuff.. so yea.. and just now we were chatting on msn and it was really nice.. and by the way she said bye i could tell she really cares.. thats what confuses me so much.. that she cares for me but then nothing happens..

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If she has known your friend for longer then it would seem likely that she would feel more comfortable around him. You know, familiarity with people helps friendships and trust.

And I don't think you can tell from a conversation on msn that she really cares about you. Words are cheap.

I feel bad for you :( well all i can say is stay her friend for now and eventually shes gonna realise that its not gonna happen for the two of them and shes gonna appreciate the person whos been there all along. well it happens in the movies :( best of luck in that dude

You want to marry her, and she doesn't even like you back? I say forget about her, meet other girls.

yea well the problem with me now is that i cant go from one girl to another easily.. i cant do that its hard for me to forget about someone just like that.. and i know how they say look around ull find a better one.. but shes got the personality im looking for and i dont think if i meet another girl that its gonna be the same.. and im always gonna have to think about how she used to be better and stuff like that.. but thats a problem with me.. so yea

So after a year and a half, I have some updates for my issue.

As some of you guys suggested, I kept in touch with her all along. I got over her and moved on to another girl, we had a good time for almost 2 months til it ended.
meanwhile I found out that her and my friend dated for a few weeks.
However i was totally cool with it, since i didn't have the same feeling for her anymore. I have to say that she was trying to hide it from me in a way, maybe because she thought that it would hurt my feelings, but i approached her about it and she seemed kind of surprised that i was not mad.
Any case, time has passed and after some ups and downs, we are talking more than usual again.
Even though I'm not planning to fall for her without knowing if she really likes me or not, we still got talk about some stuff that gave me some clues that this time she's more into me than ever before.
We joke around a lot when we talk, and one of the jokes we had was something about us two running away from home. And without me saying anything, she mentioned that we should move it together in that case, and so it went on.

It is nice to know that she has feelings for me, and I'm hoping things will work out for us. But until I'm not convinced that the clues are reality then I'm probably not going to make a move on her as i don't want to be heartbroken again.

One of my friends suggested that i do a jealousy test on her. Meaning i say something, and if she cares she would then get jealous. I'm not sure if that would be such a good idea, since i think maybe she would just get mad and stop talking to me.
Any Ideas?

Thanks for reading

Reza K.

I think it's a bad idea to marry someone that isn't head-over-heels in love with you.