What I have learned.

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09-07-07, 11:17 PM
Darkest Heaven

What I have learned.

I am in NO position to be posting this kind of thread, BUT, I feel it's time for a change.

The reason I don't feel qualified to post this thread is because of a thread posted yesterday, by me. But, I feel I have learned from this, and it may be common sense to some, and it was to me, obviously I didn't act on it. So, let's re-learn stuff that I should already know.

Needless to say, she didn't come over today as promised at 9, and it's 11:10 and I still haven't talked to her.

On to WHAT I LEARNED.

1: Don't try so hard not to **** up, because all you'll be doing then is ****ing up.

2: Don't go out of your way to make her happy. Be you. If your usual response to artwork is "ew idiots", don't tell her it's your passion. <- example.

3: READ SIGNS. There's a difference between a rough day and an attitude.

4: Don't FORCE her to give up everything for you, let her make that choice. Me or them.

5: Don't call her every 5 minutes, let her call you.

6: DON'T be friends with an ex and cut all contact ASAP.

7: Standards should not be lowered, only adjusted.

8: Don't ask why she loves you, it leads to "I don't knows"

9: Hope and reality are two different things. They don't mix well. Thing realistic.

There's 9 of those, if anybody would like me to expand on anyone of them let me know. I have some pretty interesting (bad, sick), but interesting views on how stuff works with relationships... so if you would like to get my opinion, if only to tell me I'm coo coo, feel free.
10-07-07, 12:57 AM
Bean

Props for thinking about what you've read and learning from it.

I have to contest number 4 on your list - by saying "me or them" you're FORCING her to make another choice.
One that will unlikely be followed, if she chooses you.

I know from experience and from reading on here that she'll do whatever she wants. The hardest part is - if she's chosen "you", eventually you'll find out she's been seeing other people anyway behind your back.

If somebody has to choose between something or you, or if restrictions have to be put down, there's something wrong in the trust department.

I have trust issues from where my girlfriend screwed me over (made plans then ditched me, got a bit overly friendly with other guys, got so drunk I had to go out at 3am to pick her up from the beach because she was sick and freezing cold with no money or anything, called me at 1 in the morning drunk to brag about all of this and was generally hurtful about me and the relationship, etc..) - most weeks for over a year.
I was too weak to break it up. But eventually I got the "courage" to say it's either me or drinking.

She chose me, but carried on behind my back anyway.

So now it's over, and I need to work on myself and build my confidence back up and work on my trust issues.
10-07-07, 01:57 AM
anachronistic

Heh, this must have been one of your first relationships.
10-07-07, 02:33 AM
Darkest Heaven

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bean [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Props for thinking about what you've read and learning from it.

I have to contest number 4 on your list - by saying "me or them" you're FORCING her to make another choice.
One that will unlikely be followed, if she chooses you.

I know from experience and from reading on here that she'll do whatever she wants. The hardest part is - if she's chosen "you", eventually you'll find out she's been seeing other people anyway behind your back.

If somebody has to choose between something or you, or if restrictions have to be put down, there's something wrong in the trust department.

I have trust issues from where my girlfriend screwed me over (made plans then ditched me, got a bit overly friendly with other guys, got so drunk I had to go out at 3am to pick her up from the beach because she was sick and freezing cold with no money or anything, called me at 1 in the morning drunk to brag about all of this and was generally hurtful about me and the relationship, etc..) - most weeks for over a year.
I was too weak to break it up. But eventually I got the "courage" to say it's either me or drinking.

She chose me, but carried on behind my back anyway.

So now it's over, and I need to work on myself and build my confidence back up and work on my trust issues.

Can't keep her with you or on the phone 24/7, so trust is the only way to go. Unfortunately, it doesn't happen that way.

She called me, I told her come over before 12 if you love me, and that was that. (Her excuse was I had a headache and kept sleeping. Yeah, I ALMOST believe you...)

Anyways, with girls that are all excuses, I get rid of. If she's not with you and with somebody else, no matter who it is (family not included), she chose them. If she chose them over you, you chose somebody who can devote themselves to you over her.
10-07-07, 06:41 AM
gHEXjt

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darkest Heaven [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She called me, I told her come over before 12 if you love me, and that was that. (Her excuse was I had a headache and kept sleeping. Yeah, I ALMOST believe you...)

Anyways, with girls that are all excuses, I get rid of. If she's not with you and with somebody else, no matter who it is (family not included), she chose them. If she chose them over you, you chose somebody who can devote themselves to you over her.

Dude, you are ABSOLUTELY NUTS! You can't learn how to be a good boyfriend in a single day. The part of your post I bolded is just downright wacky. WTF are you thinking? You don't own her. You shouldn't expect anybody to spend all their time with you or prove to you that they love you. You shouldn't expect anyone to give up their friends for you. You can have friends AND a significant other you moron.
10-07-07, 07:08 AM
Darkest Heaven

A little update on my situation. She's at work, feeling ill. Still sounds a bit paranoid/defensive/like it's forced when she says she loves me.

But, it's getting much better, and we discussed that we are seeing each other tomorrow, at 9, and getting our time together schedule back on track.

Fell apaprt because of paranoia and trust issues, I know better now.

We love each other, and for those who called me a moron/abusive/whatever, you know what, I love her, and that's why I'm doing this. She loves me. She says she does. 3 weeks or not, it's love as far as I go. She says the same. And if I'm wrong, which there is a HIGH chance I am, I'll come back and apologize for this.

But seriously, I stopped thinking, and started feeling. She did also as I told her about how I'm handling all this. And our feeling say love. And even if it's wrong in your eyes, you can't take it away from us.
10-07-07, 07:11 AM
anachronistic

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darkest Heaven [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

A little update on my situation. She's at work, feeling ill. Still sounds a bit paranoid/defensive/like it's forced when she says she loves me.

But, it's getting much better, and we discussed that we are seeing each other tomorrow, at 9, and getting our time together schedule back on track.

Fell apaprt because of paranoia and trust issues, I know better now.

We love each other, and for those who called me a moron/abusive/whatever, you know what, I love her, and that's why I'm doing this. She loves me. She says she does. 3 weeks or not, it's love as far as I go. She says the same. And if I'm wrong, which there is a HIGH chance I am, I'll come back and apologize for this.

But seriously, I stopped thinking, and started feeling. She did also as I told her about how I'm handling all this. And our feeling say love. And even if it's wrong in your eyes, you can't take it away from us.

You're not a moron, you're a sick bastard.
10-07-07, 07:44 AM
gHEXjt

This guy's two threads are among the most bizarre I've ever read. He asks for "help," "advice," whatever, yet doesn't acknowledge any of it and keeps saying really weird stuff.

Dude, it's love 3 weeks in as far as you go because you don't know what love is, and obviously neither does she.
10-07-07, 07:47 AM
anachronistic

Quote:

Originally Posted by gHEXjt [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This guy's two threads are among the most bizarre I've ever read. He asks for "help," "advice," whatever, yet doesn't acknowledge any of it and keeps saying really weird stuff.

I've seen other posts on the same level, if not worse.