Always searching for something... worthwhile to do... getting tired of this?
Hi everyone,
I have to make a confession: I'm getting tired of always having to find something worthwhile to do. I can't seem to just relax. I become tense whenever I am not doing something productive. I think this is turning me more and more inwards to myself, instead of embracing the world like I told myself I would this summer. I feel that every time I am not having a deeply meaningful conversation with a stranger, than I am wasting my time, and would try to get out of it and do something more interesting. But the truth is, I have difficulty always finding meaningful things to do, and this is bothering me. I don't think I am enjoying life to the degree that I could otherwise.
I mean, I hate frivolity. My seriousness has gotten me places... for example, into one of the best universities in the world. Yet I feel that it is exceedingly difficult to balance foolery and serious work. I enjoy serious work, no doubt. I don't just do it because I feel I have to, but I do it because I find it worthwhile. But its that when I am NOT doing these all important work, I feel that I lack the social support I would like to have. I always have one good friend, which some may say is enough, but that one person can't always be there for you whenever you desire company. I want to expand my social circle, yet I do not feel happy with just any person or group of people. Developing friendships take time, and I often do not have this time--be this lack real or imagined.
I've learned much about myself this summer... for example, I remain the kind of person who stresses efficiency instead of frivolity... or maybe I just haven't tried hard enough to step out of this boundary? I don't know... I don't know...
:detective
