stubborn, stubborn boy

the newest installment:

sent this to him earlier today:

" Although I don't doubt that you have feelings for me beyond the physical, I've come to realize that it's really difficult for you to talk to me every day without having that physical contact. I understand that. I think it's unfortunate, but I understand. Obviously talking all the time did not work for you, but ignoring each other also didn't work for either of us.
So this is what I propose: You enjoy the rest of your summer in Colorado with your family. I'll *try* to enjoy the rest of mine here. We can talk every once in a while but not every day. I like you, and you like me. We have an amazing attraction to one another that I think is a wonderful, beautiful thing. I don't know why this whole thing has escalated into something so dramatic and heart wrenching when it can potentially (and easily) be something really positive.
I move back to New York September 1st. From what you've told me, you'll be in Ohio about a month before your classes start. Take a weekend. Bring a friend. Drive to the city. See the sites. Spend some time in my arms. When I have free time, I can come to Ohio and return the visit if that's what you want. The times in between, we can go about our lives as college kids as usual.
I like you. You like me. Isn't that really all we need for now? We're just kids after all. I'm extending the invitation. I would love to see you in New York in September."

we later had a phone conversation where he said he couldn't come visit because then what next? and he kept asking me what i wanted out of all this and why i wanted him to come visit. and i said, why does everything have to have an explanation. he said it doesn't, this just isn't like you. (he's counting on me being my old, neurotic, always needing a logical explanation for everything self). i said what do you want? he said he wants it to be easy, he doesn't want it to be complicated anymore. he said it's never going to be convenient, so something between us will never work out. then i said, "so it's a matter of convenience?" followed by a long silence. he also said that he's written me about 10 letters and thrown them all away after writing them bc he knows it's a "bad idea." he keeps saying it's all just a bad idea. but then why is he letting me keep things open like this? i think he's afraid he's going to fall in love and with that comes issues more complicated than he wants to deal with. so what am i supposed to do?

i know the logical answer is just to give up. but at this point, he's not just saying "this won't work, we have to stop this, goodbye." he's trying to get me to see his side, i think to justify to himself that he's doing the right thing by throwing this all away. i'm not going to just agree with him for his satisfaction because i think he's wrong. so what now?

Oh, my God. :giggle: You're emotionally entangled with a spaz!

I'm so glad you put it in writing and made it sound so straightforward. He can re-read it when he gets an effing grip and settles down. At some point, he's going to realize that he's not driving this thing and is not responsible for controlling absolutely everything. Man, he really carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, doesn't he?

The poor guy is suffering from the delusion that he can decide how he feels. If he had any idea how sweet and precious this is going to seem when he looks back on it later in life, he'd act differently. He's setting himself up for having Terrible Regrets in the future.

Yes, it's possible to squeeze your life into recognizable parameters and discard anything that doesn't fit in with Plan A. Why would a person do such a thing? Fear? Really? He's afraid of falling in love? What a fool. He should be afraid of NOT falling in love. Now that would be truly inconvenient.

ok good, i'm glad i'm not the only one who thinks he's being an idiot!