Why am I feeling so sad?

I've now reached the ripe age of 50. Many years ago, in my late teens to be exact, I met a girl a couple of years younger than me in park one day. We instantly fell for each other and ended up kissing and cuddling for quite a while. The feelings I had for her were so intense...I never felt anything like that before her...or since. We dated for a while and I became a member of a rock band (as guys do at that age). Unlike my friends who were sensible, met a girl, settled down, etc. I succumbed to lots of interest from other girls and stopped seeing my g/f...I was young and naive and thought that's what I wanted...it was exciting to have so much attention. One night I went to a party and she and her sister were there. I was dancing with some girl and her sister came over and said she came to rescue me...one thing led to another and we ended up in the back garden kissing and other stuff. My by now ex/gf saw us and got really upset...at that time I didn't really care and that was the last time I saw either of them. This set the pattern for the future and years later I was still bedding women without any kind of relationship, but I was also beginning to develop a conscience. I felt awful about the way I'd treated my ex g/f and her sister and searched every Xmas Eve in the pubs/bars we used to frequent in order to apologise...but to no avail. Years passed and I finally grew up around my early 30's and decided enough was enough. I tried a long term relationship but it never panned out...not my fault I might add. I always regretted what had happened in my teens and realise what a stupid idiot I had been...I wish I'd been more like my friends. I never forgot her or forgave myself and now after 30 years or more I finally made contact with her sister only to find that the one girl I was probably ever in love with had died 9 years ago. I am feeling extremely sad and realise looking back that just being with women for sex is unfulfilling and will eventually leave you with a hollow feeling. There's no substitute for the intimacy and friendship in a proper relationship. I hope any guys reading this don't make the same stupid mistakes I made.

I'm not used to baring my soul but I've waited over 30 years to get this off my chest - just wish I'd had the opportunity to tell her that!

I'm 1000% with you, I'm really glad you've realized that... I've been thru some meat grinder myself... I admire youre take on this and your value about relationship is genuine. Although i've never had any relations without relationship... Maybe once... Anyways, I think this is what this all comes down to. I have same standard in life and really understand you. Sorry tot hear about your loss...

that was quite sad. well maybe you can form a friendship with the sister? and or find a woman to settle down with now?

uh huh... you are 55...

Answer this: are you a bit too old?