Just dont understand

hey everyone,

Tell me what you think, my wife and I have been married for 12 years, together for 16 years, I love this woman still the same as I did when we were young, now, we have been seperated for a year and a few months, over that time since june we have been talking about getting back together, I started spending weekends with her and my son, we were intamite the whole time, I am about to recieve a settelment and I had told her I wanted to use it to remarry and have a nice honeymoon, I planned on buying a house, so we have been talking for the last 9 monthes about working it all out, it was great, I felt the love again..well friday I went to help her with some work at her place and her phone had been off all day, well I drove over anyhow, and it was then I found out, she told me she had only been seeing him a week, but we were together intamatly a week befor with her telling me she loved me ...always saying things were going to be good for us, now I know this sounds bad, but she is so out of caricter...this is not like my wife...and the way I found out was even worse, I can make another post of the whole story, some may find it funny, I felt like an idiot...please, tell me your thought.

sorry but what do u mean...when u said about "she ahd only been seeing him a week." sorry that kinda confused me...are u talking about your son, someone? i don't get it plz be more specific on who'se HIM? plz reply back thx u

What was the reason for your separation?

I am sorry everyone, my bad...things werent right, but my wife wasnt haveing an affair, and I believe everything she has told me, but the guy was 25, we are 34..I say the guy, the guy that was at her place on the friday I talk about in the original post, now I went to her place and she had a guy there...it was a guy that works in her area that she had run into on her breaks, she told me he was funny and made her laugh, I mean I still do that even after 16 yrs...but she was moving, and told him that as they talked on her break one day, he asked if she needed help and that he has a truck, she said yes...shetold him I would be there and a few others and we all have trucks, well my wife told me he had hit on her in the past, she is a beautiful woman and I cant blame a man for trying, but her to except would be wrong..well she thought she had him understood as the way things were, he knew we lived seperate...I have suprised her many many times in the past..just show up with out calling..or popping in for lunch..but I couldnt do that after my accident...well the guys truck ended up in the shop and wouldnt be there to help till the next day, she was having problems leaving work on time and wasnt going to make picking up the key, she needed the help to lift stuff like the washer and dryer..I wasnt able...so she told him that she would need his help and asked if he wouldnt mind riding with her to her place staying the night in my sons bed and still helping the next morning, he excepted....she asked him to do this so she could ride the HOV lane and get home an hour faster to get the new apartment key.. on the way home they had talked,..she workes in a hospital by the way, cell phones are off where she works...so havening company in the car and talking the whole way..she forgot to turn it back on...well on their way hom they talked about getting a drink..they started early like 6pm and was home by 8:30pm she got sick, she told me the guy has an infatuation with her and that was hitting on her pretty hard at the bar...she told me that he was a different person than the guy she talked to on her breaks for the last couple of monthsshe explained to him she was married as well..well she says that now they went to her place, she showed him where he could sleep and she went to her room and got sick from drinking...then I show up and knock on the door just like normal ready to hug and kiss my wife..but no answer..so I went around back and knock on her window thinking she was napping, still nothing, so I go sit in my truck thinking she'll be back..maybe she's at the other apartment...then a pizza dude drives up..knocks on her door, and I still seen nothing, I drove up and talked to the driver, it was for my wifes place..her car is there but all the lights are out..so still I figur she is at the other place..pizza dude takes the pizza back to the shop, I sit knowing she ordered it she has to be close..I waited 30 min then went to try and call again, still voice mail..now at this point I still dont know anything...but to me something was terribly wrong! I needed to know she was safe..so I went to dominos and the driver was there, I asked if he heard from her and he said no! but a guy just called me and said "the guy that confronted you at the door is hurassing me and my g.f. I just melted in emberasment and shame..told them its my wife, kinda showed my check book to prove the names match..(joint account) and turned and walked out to my truck..sat there in front of Dominos and broke into tears..well I called and questioned what that was about and sudjested she come out and talk...I went back and sat there for 15 minutes and nothing, went and called again telling her I was going to first call the sherrif then her mom..her mom has a key to her place...but a number of things could have happen, it could have been a killer.I may be a bit much to think that but this is earth people and I was worried for my wifes saftey..so I called her mom first...she inturn got her brother over there...my wife finaly answered and come out to talk, she was mean...and pissed, and I just left knowing I cant talk to her like that...I talked to her again Tuesday and she was scared to call me..I told her I was getting a divorce and all already that friday night...but now she say's that the guy never got but a peck kiss and he suprised her with it at the bar, and after his drinking had gone on he got more buligerant, and she knew that if I got into the door he would have gotten nasty and she didnt want the blood shed in her place...now my wife has respect for herself, I believe nothing happen behind them doors, but the fact a guy stayed the night and everything else that was said..I mean what should I think? but she is in the medical field and knows the ins and outs about diseases and is deathly afraid... we were young when we met and she has only been with one other person other than myself that I know of...but even a condom wont convince her.....now I love this woman and feel like she has done me wrong, but please keep the comments respectful.. and thanks for your time and if you reply.am I seeting myself up for a fall?...there are a whole lot of questions I still have unanswered but I want to secure my place with my wife in life and we have started on just that...just hope its the right thing...

Quote:

---

she told him that she would need his help and asked if he wouldnt mind riding with her to her place staying the night in my sons bed and still helping the next morning,

---

Sounds to me like your wife planned it and wanted it to happen. It was no "spur of the moment" thing as shown here. You don't invite a stranger that you 'talk to' here and there, and who has a history of hitting on you to spend the night in your house when he can certainly find a ride or drive or get picked up the next day. As to her reasoning (so she can use the HOV lane?) that's a very bad excuse to ask someone to spend the night.

Quote:

---

told her I was getting a divorce and all already that friday night...but now she say's that the guy never got but a peck kiss and he suprised her with it at the bar, and after his drinking had gone on he got more buligerant, and she knew that if I got into the door he would have gotten nasty and she didnt want the blood shed in her place...now my wife has respect for herself, I believe nothing happen behind them doors, but the fact a guy stayed the night and everything else that was said..I mean what should I think?

---

What your wife did was wrong. Even if you're separated, that's not a divorce, and so it WAS an affair. I don't believe the story about her not opening the door because "she didn't want to see bloodshed". She DID open the door eventually right? What prevented the bloodshed there that didn't prevent it before? I think your wife must have done something. If she knew he was getting perverted and heavily hitting on her at the bar, she easily could have left him there or drove him home instead of continuing with allowing him to stay the night. There were many ways to avoid having him over, but, like I said, she probably WANTED him over.

Quote:

---

but she is in the medical field and knows the ins and outs about diseases and is deathly afraid... we were young when we met and she has only been with one other person other than myself that I know of...but even a condom wont convince her.....

---

People change. Maybe now a condom IS enough. This statement really isn't enough to convince yourself that they didn't fool around.

Quote:

---

told her I was getting a divorce and all already that friday night...but now she say's that the guy never got but a peck kiss and he suprised her with it at the bar,

---

I would continue with the divorce. Your wife has changed, and had a man over for the night FULLY KNOWING that you wouldn't approve of it. Chances are the reason she had him ride with her could also be so you didn't see the other truck in the driveway and that way she could be 'safer' incase you decided to drive by and check on her. You don't think people plan things like that out, but they do. She isn't respecting you enough and, if she REALLY wanted to get back together, I'm sure she is sensible enough not to get drunk while inviting a strange man over her house.

I'm sorry, but I would continue through with the divorce and hope that one day you find another person who WILL respect you and stop from doing things like that to hurt you. She isn't ready to get married to you and from the looks of things, isn't a great person in my eyes.

Alexi

I you have not fixed things in 9 months I don't think your going to...It sound like you hold that money your going to get over her head to keep her in the picture...It also sound like you care about her alot and want to keep a good family life you her and your son...but from what your saying...it sound like she is playing you for a fool and keeping that other dude around for things she is not telling you about.

My ex of five years was doing the same to me...I did not think it was her style to do so but she did...I found out the hard way because I was not reading the signs....Best thing for you to do is step back and see what happened.........

My 2 cents

Obviously you were having some problems and werent happy hence the divorce. It always comes back around that when you are seperated you start thinking you do love her and vice versa and when in reality it was the comfort you want back.

People do change. And sometimes love just isnt enough, should be, but its not. I give you credit for wanting to make your family whole again...but she's not there. She's moved on, and maybe not necessarily with someone else, but she's not showing she wants this to work. You are young enough to start over...

You wrote so much crap, yet never answered my question.

LMFAO!!!