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I'm always yammering on about how attractive confidence is, and how people can totally blow it by acting pathetic, but can that be taken too far, especially when you're well in to the relationship?
What if you actually are pathetic? At what point should this be revealed? Is there some dirty laundry that your SO really doesn't ever need to see?
Example: Guy regularly has bad dreams that girl is cheating, even though he trusts her completely when he is awake. Keep it to himself?
We all have weaknesses. I think part of having a good relationship is reaching a point where you don't need to hide them. You can reveal your vulnerabilities and feel safe that your partner isn't going to scoff.
Too much confidence can lead to arrogance...
Your face is arrogant.Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yeah, well you're a butthead, Frasbee.
generally, people who are overcofident, have a very good reason not to be. That is, they have a sense of grandousity and greatly overestimate themselves - which leads to a greater sense of failure if something does go wrong.
Marriage equals tell all no matter what youre feeling. If youre feeling down or insecure about something that is the time to share and do tell. Why keep that inside. You should both be able to share how you feel no matter subject topic. I dont think it shows a weakness but more of a strength. Shows the stabilty in the relationship and the trust as well.
I hate when Im feeling not so pretty about something but eventually I muster the courage and bring out in the open. I dont have to have the outcome Im looking for, but at least I told him!
Hmm... can't say I agree, squirrley. I think it is good to bring things up that can be resolved, but things that CAN'T be resolved, but can inflict pain? Meh, I just keep it to myself.
Should women expect the same degree of emotional sharing from men? I mean, sure men are socially expected to 'bottle it up', but to a degree, their coping style doesn't involve spilling all to his guy friends over mugs of hot chocolate (ok, bit of an exaggeration).
Most of the time, most of the men, would rather just be given space to mope or have their minds taken off the problems with a pat on the back or some beer or whatever.
Of course, problems with the relationships and general issues that are crucial should be brought up by both men and women, but I find that a lot of problems arise when the women almost uses a crow-bar to open her SO up, and complains about lack of compassion from him when SHE is upset - when in reality, he's probably giving her the same treatment that he would want from her.
Giga, I think you missed an option of "Emotions should be shared openly, but there should be boundaries".
The moment these emotions start to hurt or make the other party uncomfortable the "revealing" needs to stop and be posponed until the next session. Maybe there needs to be a routine for emotional sharing.
Emotions can be shared, but stingily. Trust has to be earned.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Everything is available on a need-to-know basis. No overshare.
I think both of the above say that
I don't think they doQuote:
Originally Posted by miSSleepy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
They both do not address that emotions should be shared openly
Vashti I do agree with you. There are things I do keep to myself which would cause harm, and theyre basically my own retarded feelings and would have no bearing on our relationship. ok for example my husband has NOT shared with me he's been engaged twice! He told me once, but why wouldnt he tell me that? I had to hear that from his mom. And other things as well. It bothers me he doesnt share those things and Ive mentioned it to him. He said there are certain things he'd rather keep in the past. But those things I feel were kept from me as for me to not to pass judgement against him. I understand it but dont agree with it.
Ive shared everything in my life with my husband. Even things I thought Id take to the grave with me, but felt confident enough in our relationship and with him. Im not angry or upset he doesnt share those things but do wonder why? I have a strong feeling he knew had he told me prior to proposing to me, would I had changed my mind? See what I mean?
I think its important to share how you feel about things, but obviously if its not worth anything. Ive opened up to him about our situation and today had to tell him knowing how much it would hurt, but I was NOT going to go on this family cruise if my son couldnt go, I KNEW it would cause problems but its how I feel.
I guess for me Id rather try and share so he has an understanding of where Im coming from. He also tells me Id rather not say anything at this point because I dont have anything positive to say. Id rather hear that than nothing. I guess Im coming from a bad situation right now as you know so this is why I have the take on it I do. Hell who knows maybe next week I wont want to share shit with him! ;)
Well i bloody well think that's implied ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
If we were being lawyers here about language, there'd be 145 options.
I didn't vote. All the options were quite intimidating.
Is this a sign of weakness?