emotion clusterfuck

deep and hallow heart
i ask not why but how
while calmly trying to destroy my vows
you grow into a being not you
and let your mind fall askew
i ask not what she feels
but YOU what do you feel
deep and hallow heart cold as steel
eating my smiles like some cafeteria meal
you amaze, suprise, and astound me
because your lies hold no grounding
midair drums are pounding
my heartbeat stopped when you downed me
would've left many crushed if they found me
but...i SURVIVE
dropping puddles through my eyes
never felt so much pain
as when you dropped me like rain
im so tired of this feeling
i just want you back
i want it to be good again
want to call you more than just friend
its just too hard for me to accept the end

just something i wrote about my first love

..very emotional.. sounds like she hurt you.

Your words describe your feelings really well...

lol hurt is an understatement..but im getting better now, been 3months though and my feelings still havent changed, but at least i dont have anymore delusions of reconciliation, im moving on, but ill never forget what that felt like, both the good and bad..

its strange to me, i am pretty old to be going thru it for the first time i suppose..i thought i knew something about pain but after this i realize i had no idea..

a close friend of mine has gone thru it like 8 times and id always wonder, why cant he just be like **** THAT BITCH..i understand it now, along with many many more things that make 100 times more sense than before i ever felt love..

its crazy though, feeling hallow without someone..hurting so much, physical pain has nothing on what i felt and still feel.

one thing that is crazy though is id go through it all again just to be with her for one day and have it be like it was...as stupid as that sounds. it was the only time ive ever really felt happy,content with my life..but anyway enough about this i have college tomarow :)

:) .. exactly.. I know what you mean.