I just met a new woman...

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 3 years now. She lives overseas and we see each other every two-three months (I fly there). We have had our share of problems I believe mostly because of the distance. I used to be married, my country’s laws are very different and it takes time for a person to get divorced (I’m legally divorced in the US but not there) so we haven’t been able to get married (since she couldn’t come and visit me and get married in the US). We had some problems in the past, a couple of times she went out with another person for a period of time, one time she told me she felt “confused” about another man, etc, I went through all that and tried to overcome, be understandable of the fact I wasn’t around much and we were not married yet. I did it because I wanted to make my relationship work. During those three years I haven’t been unfaithful to her, haven’t dated another woman, etc. We share many things, but not the idea of children and family, she doesn’t want to have kinds, not now, not tomorrow, she even told me that I should consider being with her if that I what I want. That concerns me a lot for my future since I’d love to have a family. I don’t have kids yet and I’m 33.
She finally got to visit me this week; the problem is, about 3 weeks ago, I met another person, sweet, funny, simple, sincere, etc. Without planning it we both started to feel a lot for each other, talk over the phone regularly, share the same interests in outdoor activities, life, travel, family, children, etc. I feel extremely well on her company and she feels the same with me. We have talked about it, about what we want for life, future, etc. I feel extremely confused, on one side, I don’t want to throw 3 years through the window for a person I just met, on the other side my feeling are so strong about this new woman that I feel I’m betraying her with my own girlfriend!. I miss her so much and all I do is think about her. I feel so bad because my girlfriend is here and we had plans to start living together the next year but if I continue feeling like this my life will be a mess and my girlfriend’s too, and I don’t want to do that. I would prefer to make the right decision and stay with the woman that I can make happy and that can make me happy too.
I'm not the kind of man that switch woman fast, I prefer stable relations. The girl I just met share also the same feelings.
I'd like to know others opinion on this matter.

Lets go back to the issue of children and family. That's a big one. If you want children and your spouse doesn't that is a very big deal. Marriages break up over that sort of thing. Three years is a long time, but do you really want to invest even more than that only to end up hurt and unfulfilled? Didn't think so. Plus, you have to think about the fact that immigration to just about anywhere is like pulling teeth. I'm sure you have already looked into this and are well aware of the hurdles that you face in that department.

I think you are perfectly entitled to "date" this new woman without notifying your overseas girlfriend and find out who you like better. It may seem unfair to some, but hey, no harm no foul and this is what you want anyway. If it wasn't, you would not have mentioned the overseas gf dating other men.

It must be brutal (and expensive) traveling to another country every couple of months for three years. Time to cut the stress and find some love closer to home. That's my opinion anyway. Don't feel like you are throwing time away. You earned experience and so many times long-distance relationships just really do not work. It's not your fault, it just happens.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ExpoNovak [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think you are perfectly entitled to "date" this new woman without notifying your overseas girlfriend and find out who you like better.

---

I disagree with this. I think your 3-year relationship isn't the right one for you regardless of this new woman, and you should end it cleanly.

I dont know exactly if my actual girlfriend is the right for me, I guess it is impossible to tell. Of course, I can make conclusions based on the previous experiences with her. But now that I know another person, of course it will look worst dont you think?, Grass is greaner... you know what I mean?
New relations are always more attractive,, that's why I dont whant to make any sudden desition because I'm not sure I might be getting caughted on the hype with the new woman I met.
Still, my actual girlfriend and I have had problems, like I said, but I wonder if there is such a thing as a "problem-free" couple. Thanks for the opinions.

No, there is no such thing as a problem-free couple, but she doesn't want kids and you do. That's not just a problem, that's a dealbreaker.

Today I talked to my current girlfriend. All her answers were exactly the opposite of what she always told me. About marriage, Children, etc. It looks to me she feels that Im hesitating on our relationship and now she says what she thinks I want to hear. :-( Now she's putting more pressure telling me "I told you that I agree with you, what's the problem now" and of course, all that about how "you are ruining my life" "now what I do with my dreams" "with you Im losing everything I have" etc. Shes trying to make me feel bad about hesitating. It bothers me that eventhough she know Im not sure about her she's still expecting me to move forward on us regarless of what I feel.