This is rather elaborate of an issue...but I'm just torn up about it I don't know what to do.
I've had a best friend for nearly all my life and we've almost never been apart...except when I moved away for a short while. My friend and I are practically the same person, we're so alike and everything is perfect when we're together. I feel almost complete when I'm around him. I've had a lot of relationship problems and always came back to my friend for advice and comfort, then would end up thinking that maybe my friend was the person just for me.
Over the years things were wonderful when one day he told me that he was bisexual or gay (he didn't really know) and he liked one of his friends. I was almost completely torn up inside...it hurt so much, but I didn't show it because all I really wanted was my friend to be happy. I didn't know why it hurt me so much, it wasn't like I was losing them as a friend...but it just felt like someone had hit, me right in the stomach. A few years went by and they dated for a very short time and that was it...now all he does is talk about things like "oh he's cute, hey he's hot" but my friend also says that girls are hot...so I don't know what he's doing. At one point he said that he didn't want to like anyone because he didn't know what he was like anymore.
I never know really what's going on, but the truth is...for me...is that I don't think he's gay at all. He doesn't really act on it, he just mentions that he's lonely and that guys are hot. Unfortunately, I've also come to the realization that I'm in love with my him...and I almost hate it, because I can't really act on it without being very scared. I don't know what type of reaction I would get either. Everyone around me thinks that my best friend loves me too or at least likes me, but doesn't really realize it...that he simply has found what completes him but doesn't realize it because we've always been that close. We just don't kiss or anything. We even stay at each others houses and everything. I think that he decided to be gay because he's scared of women and sexual maturity. That doesn't mean I know what to do though.
I don't want to lose him, but I know that he's the only person I've ever truly loved. I thought I was in love once...but now I realize that this is real, not what I had before.
I need help so bad, I'm so sad over this...and I never confront the situation, I always act supportive in all that they say or want to do because I don't want to lose him and I just want him to be happy.
Also, we recently had an argument and I was very upset...me friend said that he was very upset and I was upset and that no matter what happens I'm always going to be his #1.
I'm so confused...I feel like I should just tell him and tell him right off that he'll always be my best friend and I would never want to change anything, but I have to get this out.
I dunno.
Please give me SOME kind of advice.
I'm torn.
-H.
