Need some advice, got semi dumped...
Hi everybody,
thanks for taking some time to read this.
Basically, tonight was somewhat of an end to this month long story that kinda just dragged away.
I met this one guy over a month ago at a friend's get together. He immediately started pursuing me and was very interested. I found him relatively nice and cute, but he is shorter than me and definitely an opposite, regardless I gave him a chance. He called me every day, several times, we would talk for hours, he was really into it all, eventually we started getting intimate and so on.
The problems started from the beginning because our "relationship" wasn't really defined. We never went on a date, we just kinda breezed through events with friends and he would come over and such. Now, I immediately explained I was not looking for a **** buddy situation and he just came out of a 5 year long relationship in October, so he was saying he was not looking for a relationship, or at least not right away. I immediately explained that then we can't be intimate and it stopped. He still called every day, and was interested in my life and whatnot. If it was just a **** buddy situation why the hell would he call so much, that was my biggest problem of the situation. It was complete confusion fest.
So anyways, once again, intimacy started again, since we are clearly attracted to each other, and once again he was falling short on actual effort on making this thing work beyond the phone and just hang outs with the crew. Everybody knew about us, everybody treated us like a couple, he treated me like I was his girlfriend in his communication, but he just couldn't get himself to talk about what we are or what we are going to be.
Of course, I started asking questions because he doesnt have a lot of free time. Well he chooses not to have a lot of free time, and I believe if u want to be with someone u make time. So I asked him if he will ever have 4 hours at least one day a week for me...and he said he didn't know. That pissed me off and that's where slowly things started falling apart. Take in mind we had many many talks about where we stand and how he doesn't take any effort. Once my friend even brought it up to him how I cried one time (i really didn't but we wanted to see if he would react to it if he heard i did cry- two can play the game) and he ended up being "more honest" (at least i thought he was) and was saying things how he cares and all that other junk that i believed (stupid me). He didn't want me to be mad and was extremely wordy when it came to saying how I got under his skin. And once again, when he was asked in what way does he want me (he said he wanted to be with me), he couldn't get himself to say, I want you to be my girlfriend or anything like that....
Oh and remember how when I told him we can just be friends and when we stopped the intimacy, well he wouldn't stop bringing up the FRIEND word all the time in every sentence, emphasizing on it as if he didn't like that we are JUST friends. he would say stuff like, how r u doing FRIEND, are you ok FRIEND, did u sleep well my FRIEND? i hope you guys can visualize that emphasis.
anyways, after that one semi fight breakdown where he couldn't define us once again it all kinda went downhill in like 2 days, even though it was the first time he said that he cared. so yea, couple of days after that there was a get together at my place, i was cold because we had that discussion about time, how he doesnt have enough time, and i cant be on hour and a half basis from time to time in a week, and have our whole relationship on the phone. After we all went to a club where he semi ignored me, even though he was always there, bought me drinks and communicated but kept his distance due to the fact i was a bitch prior to the club. But i had my reasons, which he knew of and wasn't really addressing them. Well anyways, on my way out (i left early) i tried to find him and he was no where to be found. so i texted him that i am leaving, and suddenly i see him he went out for something, and on a way back he barely spoke couple of words and waved at me....he ****ing waved at me...i flipped the hell out and texted him how he couldnt even say bye properly and i must be stupid as hell to believe i could find someone who cares about me and shows it... well. he didnt respond.
now 2 days he didnt call. he always calls take in mind. so 3 days (the one he didnt call about the time thing we kinda went over and he asked me at the party why i didnt call) he didnt call, and neither have I.
And he freakin calls today asking me why I didn't call. i explain how he dissed me and didnt respond to my msg, he was once again evading the topic and since i was with a friend (she was getting lasik) he said he would call tonight. and he didnt so before i went to bed i texted him to tell him if he was planning to call now is the time because i am bout to crash.
once again we had a conversation which was just bullshit.
i basically put all my cards up front. i told him exactly what i wanted and why i believe he doesnt want a relationship with me. and this is what he said: I didn't say I don't want a relationship with you, I just don't have the time. He was extremely cold for his usual self, seemed disinterested, but he was tired so he said. He also proceeded to say how he wont call me anymore since I bring up him calling me so much as a problem (it is a problem if I don't know wtf we r and i don't want to be with him for months for him only to dump me under explanation oh we were just **** buddies, u know?). and he just seemed like he will get over it so fast, he said it will feel bad but it will pass and he will be ok again...like WTF??? another thing he said when i asked him to honestly tell me what in the world did he expect when we started our "thing", he said he wasn't thinking really about it, as in he wasnt worried what it was going to be or become...
I just felt more crushed by the fact that someone who 4 days prior said that they cared could so easily act like they dont care if they dont speak to me anymore, or like it wont bother them...I would rather him tell me he didnt want to be with me, then him saying he wants to be with me and keep calling me and then not do any effort outside the phone and when we are in private and i told him that.i gave him a free pass to tell me that because i wouldnt get mad.i would just freakin move on and be ok...like dude, we r friends, relax etc...but dont act like u want me completely but then dont come through and then call asking me why I dont call...
anyways, i ended up being silent and he said he had to go to sleep because he gets up early...i just felt so pissed i immediately texted him 2 msgs about how i cant believe he would so easily leave the situation and not even attempt to make time for me in his day....
and he didnt respond... dunno if he crashed, or if he just ignored them
anyways. i really do want to move away from this, but unfortunately my emotions got tangled in, so yea...i am f-ed.
what to do now?
:upset:
thanx guys
