It's all over before it began

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I finally saw her after about 3 weeks, told her i hated how it was I wanted to call her or email her or send her a postcard! Something...Told her I liked her a lot, we're only seeing each other a couple days a month, when I thought we'd be hanging out and spending quality time together now we're seeing each other like 15-20 minutes a month...i liked her too much for that. Basically she just kept saying the age difference, "i thought we already talked about this", I can't even remember the whole convo cause I'm just lost now. Asked her if me being too young made it harder for her to trust me she said it wasn't a trust thing...said shes not ready to date anyone, i went on and told her we don't have to date i just want to get to know you and spend time with you, etc....I ended the convo telling her i don't think I can work with her anymore, I like her too much and hate how things are that I would just stay outside and I'm glad I got to meet her but I just hate how things are.

For the past 7 or 8 months she's been who i thought about everyday. Then once I asked her out and she said yes it only got stronger. I was sick as hell a few weeks ago and went to work for an hour just so i could see her. I have tried so hard and feel like I've never put this much effort into another person in my life and basically what it comes down to is I offered her my friendship and she pissed on it. I stayed out of my comfort zone with her, i tried everything in my power to make her feel more comfortable with me even if it meant me doing something I'd never do or say things i'd never say.

I'm not a people person, I really don't get hung up on people like I have with her. I don't open up and allow myself to be vulnerable like I have with her, telling people my feelings, telling people how i feel about them. All this stuff I've never done, but I wanted her bad enough to where I did it and ignore my discomfort.

I don't regret anything, I said everything I wanted to say how I wanted to say it. I put an enormous amount of effort, time and energy into her. I really feel like I did everything to perfection, I couldn't go back and change anything. IDK if that makes it suck even more or not.

When she told me she'd have dinner with me, I can honestly not remember a time when I've been happier in the past 5 years or more, the whole time she was on vacation for three weeks all I could think about was her and when she was coming back...I was so excited. Before this happened my X-gf of 2.5 years broke up with me, one of my best friends died, and my sister left and this is really the first time since all that that i've opened up and basically gave myself to someone since, I was all hers if she wanted me.

Tonight may possibly be the last time I ever see her. I can't keep seeing her feeling the way I do if she's not even willing to call me. It's torture. As much as I like her and want her I just can't wait anymore I gotta try and forget her. I wake up thinking about her and the possibility of seeing her at work, certain days are agonizingly long just hoping that I'll get that time. I feel like I have no other choice.

I can't say anything about her, I really am glad I got to meet her, she made me feel as good as anybody ever has but about right now I wish I never did meet her, I wish I never fell like I did.

I'm really sorry you are hurting. Maybe you should allow yourself to grieve for a definitive length of time. Feel as bad as you want or need to. Cry if you feel like it. Isolate yourself. Kick the wall (not too hard). Repeat as needed for what? 1 month? 2 months?

Then let it go.

Everyone goes through a heartbreak. You'll come out stronger and wiser in the end, and you know what? You will still be clever and delightful, and the right girl will be waiting to meet you. This one just wasn't the right one.

::hugs::

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

::hugs::

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I'm sorry too.., (e-hug)

Don't worry about it though.., you have a whole online community behind you..

If you want.., you can post up her number.., and we'll all gang-call her..

"Hi.., is Virgin there?"
"Who? I think you have the wrong number"
(As we're hanging up) "Fcuk.., why do I keep calling wh0res" (click)

"Hi.., is Virgin there?"
"You again.., how long are we going to keep going at this?"
"Sheesh.., just tell me I got the wrong number you wh0re" (click)

"Hi.., is Virgin there?"
"If you call one more time.., i'm going to call the police"
"Aren't you afraid you're going to get arrested and grouped with all the hookers? You might give one of them an STD or something" (click)

"Hi.., mam.., this is Mike speaking with the Local County Telephone Monitoring Service.., we just had a couple of reports in the past hour about some prank calls.., and would like to tell you to not give out any information to anyone who seems suspicious.., such as your social security.., date of birth.., or any financial information.., and if we could just ask if you have received any suspicious call in the past hour?"
"Yes.., blah blah blah"
"Well.., thank you for your time.., if you get a call like that again.., just call me back.., and ask for me.., Mike.., Mike Hunt.., get it.., hahaha!" (click)

Best,

GrkScorp

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Originally Posted by Tired [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I finally saw her after about 3 weeks, told her i hated how it was I wanted to call her or email her or send her a postcard! Something...Told her I liked her a lot, we're only seeing each other a couple days a month, when I thought we'd be hanging out and spending quality time together now we're seeing each other like 15-20 minutes a month...i liked her too much for that.

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I'm sorry to hear about that Tired. I hoped this would work out for you.

Don't know if this will help, I personally find that revelation of interest is an art in itself. If you're infatuated with someone, if you love that someone and feel like you can't live without them, the worst thing to do is to reveal that in all its intensity. I personally find that interest has to be revealed slowly and skillfully, usually as a reward for the girl's interest in you. I know it can be painful and really hard, but sometimes if interest on her side is vague it's the only way to create chemistry and interaction process that slowly and softly glides towards a good relationship. Sometimes its good to have a mystery. Sometimes it's good for the girl to wonder is he really interested in me or just being nice? That curiosity draws her closer, she gets tempted more and more to test you and to explore you until she's infatuated herself and then there's no turning back.

I have her myspace account, never used it before, I don't even have one. IDK if this is stupid or not but I wanted to finish what i was saying last night, the things I left out. I know its not going to change anything but after all the effort and time i've put into this I wanna say everything I wanna say and not leave anything out.

I was called away last night when i was talking to her and i didn't have much time, i was rushed.

I don't want her to have the wrong impression although i know it doesn't really matter now. I want her to know i was just trying to sleep with her, I'm not a freeloader, I heard about her getting cheated on and i hope shes not letting anything we could've had go to waste out of fear i would cheat on her or run off with a younger woman. She said something to a friend of mine about having fears a YM would run off with a YM.

And I never gave her my number which i had been meaning to for months, although it may never get used I'll tell her i've been meaning to give it to her and after all the time i've put into this I don't wanna leave anything out or regret anything.

Then that'll be it, I'm glad i got to meet her but I won't contact her anymore unless she comes to me.

I just hate the thought that because I'm 23 she MAY have this impression that i'm a partying drunken skirt chaser that stands no chance at being faithful. If some false assumption is what is letting this go to waste, thats just terrible.

I know i should let it go and say ____ it but I just feel like I didn't say everything i wanted to say.