I still hate girls from middle and high school
As in specific girls I recall I just can't stop hating and girls in general
I really wonder sometime if my hate for them, and for a lot of guys with certain behaviors and characteristics, will ever really subside. It's like I'm going to love them based on some innate biological programming, but the reprogramming that is allowed conflicts with that. Like right now, I'm writing a tame post describing how I feel, but how I physically feel is like punching my fist through their skulls. That's how I know it's personal, I don't just want to shoot them dead but kick their ribs in hoping that they don't all break at once because the satisfaction would be too short lived
It's like, every time someone makes a disparaging remark I don't want to say a word, not a single fuccking word, because words spoken to idiotic people (which would be almost all of them) are rather meaningless
You know, I don't think I even really realized it until Kromats post and actually some posts with Indi about something seemingly completely related, but... I realize I'm not even half-assing my attempts with women. I can do so much more but am not. Not even half-assing it, more like 1/10th assing it, and I think now maybe because I still have huge mental hangups maybe originating in how much I hate certain people and more generally girls. Mentally I still see them as enemies to some degree