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Whats up with people who avoids talking about themselves? It might be considered a virtue to some people but it makes it hard for others to know them.
I have a friend who always asks me about my day but then when I ask him, he avoids the topic. When I confront him about it...all he says is "you don't want to know me...I'm a loser".:(
One of my friends does that all the time. So I just tell him it's cool makes me feel better :D Gives him a laugh and talking. It's almost become a tradition -_-
Given the context.., that sounds more like a cry for help than him avoiding or trying to push you away.., it's an invitation for you to explore deeper..Quote:
Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Him: "you don't want to know me.., I'm a loser"
You: What the hell are you talking about? What makes you say that?
Him: blah blah blah
You: What an interesting theory.., do you want to hear mine?
Him: blah blah blah
You: Everything we do.., everything we think.., can be traced back to (point/touch your forehead) the pre-frontal cortex.., that's the home of the ego.., there's a whole industry that takes MRIs of the region to see when it has high or low activity.., neuromarketing.. But it's beyond selling you a product or service.., it chooses what ideas.., concepts.., thoughts.., feelings.., and emotions it wants to have.., and we all obviously want the best for ourselves.., including.., being the best we can be.., so to motivate us to be that way.., we are constantly self-critical of ourselves.., focusing on the negatives so that we can improve them.., but in the process.., overlooking or even ignoring all the positives.., it's as if we're blind to them.., in a way.., we all feel like losers.., and maybe we're so focused on being the best.., maybe we have such high expectations for ourselves.., that it's very difficult to accept the reality of all the positive aspects to us.., even when other people can see them.., do you want to know how I see you? honestly.., what I think when I think of you?
Him: blah blah blah?
You: (insecurity comforting galore..., subtle & non-overt ego validation grounded on some actual facts about him.., topped with some casual observations and ending with vague language)
Sounds like low self-esteem in need of validation.., don't be obvious about it.., just be comforting.. The less obvious and more comforting you are.., the more positive you'll see him become.. Just notice that it's a cry out for help.., rather than a negative depressed mode of pessimism..
Best,
GrkScorp
Give him something to talk about lastwish *wink wink, smirk, nudge*
I agree with Scorp. "I'm a loser" part sounds like a cry for help, need for empathy. He's begging you to explore this part without telling you that.Quote:
Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I've tried asking him more questions to dig deeper but he still avoids conversations about himself. Do you think its just because he doesn't really consider me important enough to share them with me?
It depends on the nature of the conversation and your closeness as friends. Have you ever brought it up to him that he avoids certain questions? What was his response?Quote:
Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Ya...whenever I bring up the fact that he doesn't seem to want to talk about himself, he says "you don't want to know me, I'm nobody, I'm a loser, etc". He also said that he doesn't want to tell me things because I don't really know him (I've known him for 2 years and have been friends with him for about a year). Its weird because I'm obviously trying to get to know him better. But whatever I say...it's just not going through him.
I find him really strange. One one hand, if he isn't really interested in forming a friendship with me then he wouldn't even bother asking me about my day. But on the other hand, why wouldn't he want to share anything about himself?
Try saying "If I didn't want to know you then I wouldn't be asking". If that doesn't work tell him "Do you really want me to start calling you a loser?". If that doesn't work just give up (and start calling him a loser). :)Quote:
Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Maybe because of low self esteem or maybe because he's scary and doesn't want for anyone to know thatQuote:
Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I think if you have tried some gentle prodding and find he really doesn't want to talk about his life, you have no right to invade his privacy.