translation please???

hi, this is my first post and cant really believe im here, but here goes. its a long one. i just passed the one year mark of a break up, we where together for little over 4 years. it was a long distance relationship, i spent 5-6 months of the year abroad with her. the end started with the sudden death of her father, two weeks later she gave the old 'i love you like a brother'! excuse and it was over. it was an intense relationship, never see eye to eye type but it worked. we laughed allot. not seeing each other was hard but the distance wasn't an issue for us, really. we spoke every day and counted the days till we saw each other. it was the most insane thing but it worked for us. she was my sole mate. i could be a prick a times and say things without thinking, allot of that i think was mainly because of the financial pressure and sacrifices id made to see her, uni, my hobbies, so forth. i didn't care bout that though, they just didn't really interest me anymore. i worked hard saved and lived a care free life in europe for half the year. i loved the life style but still all the pressure of supporting me and her while i was there was hard. she continued life as usual and finished uni the year we broke up. i felt i had been left with nothing! so i returned home and tried to continue with life but all my hopes and dreams had been dealt a massive blow, something i couldn't comprehend even now fully. i put all my eggs into one basket and it hit me like a tone of bricks! i was in hell, something i don't wish on anyone. i felt like a fool. constant revolving thoughts, replaying things again and again. blaming myself. i found it had to control my own thoughts, i was on the edge. she was the most beautiful positive thing in my life, she made me want to be a better man and she drove me nuts all at the same time, it was great and i blew it. it got worse, i lost my job and a few friend along the way. all i seemed to do was talk about her. everything was going from terrible to 'is this real or am i just dreaming ?' terrible, i was feeling outside myself. i knew i needed to start a fresh and went about remembering and planning my goals, i applied for uni a few months back doing something i always enjoyed and found some how to be slowly healing and struggled threw somehow, god knows how. i still thought about her allot during the day, just maybe not every minute of every day now. i read a few books on positive thinking and so forth and things started to look up. i didn't really communicate with her threw out the last year, just birthdays. even then i didn't answer the phone when she called on my birthday. she would send emails every few weeks threw out the year but i did not want to reply, so id leave it. it was great to hear from her but it gave me false hope. she would always be asking me why i don't email her back. i don't get how she didn't get it.
so to the present moment. a year had passed since the break up and the one year mark of her fathers death. i was wondering how she was coping. i was close to the family also so i replied to one of her emails and wrote a lengthy email a week ago to her to ask how she was and told her how i was feeling. she's a very sensitive, emotional girl and i new she was in pain. i cant stand seeing her upset, it tears me apart so i wrote her how i felt. 'i wish i was there, i wish i could take away the pain, wipe away her tears, it was hard for me not to run to her and try and fix it all and make her happy, im just built that way and i wrote that. it was genuine and heart felt and in some way i needed to know where i stand, it was time for me to move on. and then the reply 'it is hard for me i wish you where here, im sick with the flu at the moment and would love if you were here to look after me, to bring me tea and watch movies together like we used to, pleeeeeease email or even better call me, you know i really want you to, i love getting your emails' i took it as she was very exited with the email and i was exited that she was exited. truth is i was living in hope that we would one day be together again, this email was a good sign. so i called a couple of days later (against advice to email and not call, should have listened) and the conversation was going great for the first 6 hours. she was crying and laughing and she mentioned that everything reminded her of me there and that she loved me and missed me, she said that a few times. she wanted to know the next time id be there again. i told her soon but not sure when an she replied 'my heart cant take your suprises' id didn't ask why or what and try to not comment and here what she had to say. i thought to my self go slow, friends for now, slooowly. but im impatiant and curiosity got the better of me, i needed to know. eventually i asked what do you mean by 'you love me'? all signs where positive to this point. we have a strong emotional connection and have been threw allot together. then, i don't know what happend. like she was confused or scared, she told me she loved me like a brother again, i was devestated. like a brother? i just don't understand? i just wanted to hold her and tell her how much i missed her, tell her what she means to me, let her know im there. its strange because sex was the futhurest thing on my mind. it was deeper than just sex. Is that normal? she told me she felt the same. this i where i get confused! she loves me and miss me and wants me to look after her while she's sick, to hold her a tell her everything is ok ect. this your brother does? i don't hug and hold my sisters like that nor do they me in that way and we have a traditional close european family used to hugs and kisses. needless to say i am devestated and feel it all closing in on me again! i cant go threw this once more. we talked for 7+hours, neither of us wanted to get off the telephone. in the end i told her i couldn't be friends with her and that she cant call or email me anymore. it was so painfull to think i wont here from her again but i felt i had to do it. she was devestated and crying saying 'if i lose you i lose a peace of myself, you are the only one who knows and understands me' i told her you don't love a brother like that. have i done the right thing??? in any case it was over AGAIN even before it started, and the pain and confusion is back and all to familiur. does she love me like a brother? or is she scared of being hurt again? confused and lost again. can anyone shed some light on a women mind???:P