Why has my sex life slowed to a crawl...
Hello! New to this forum and I thought maybe some of you could help me. OK, first off a run down of our relationship. I've been with my girlfriend for 5 months now, we "dated" for a short period of time and hit it off great. She moved in with me for a month and then we moved in together at her place ( for financial reasons & a conflict with my previous roommate ). We both love each other and see a great future together.
I've been hurt in the past and so has she by people cheating on us SO I had taken about a 4 year break on sex and relationships :P, I'm 29 & she's 26. Sex with her at first was great, pretty regular (at least once every 2 days). For the past month and a half it has slowed down sooo much, I would probably say we've had sex 5 times in that time period. At first like a guy I thought she was cheating on me, that's not the case - Second I thought maybe she wasn't attracted to me but she swears up and down that she is - I've even lost about 35 pounds since we have been together. She says she is always tired and just not "up" to having sex right now. Ok, she has a new job with a lot of responsibilities, we have off and on problems with her family at her place and she is having some pains keeping her up at night. So I see that she is stressed and honestly wore out.. I’ve talked to her about this and asked what can I do to help, and not just to have sex - for her to feel better in general. I’m already working on a better living arrangement to maybe “lighten the stress load” as we speak. At first she would say “I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours but I thought you knew I wasn’t that sexual”, then states “There are times when we will have a lot of sex and other times when we won’t”. She’s never seemed “non-sexual” and I found it kinda rude to state when we could and could not have sex without even bringing me into the equation. I brought it up a couple more times since then because this is just eating at me, is it wrong for me to want to have sex with the woman I love? Every time we spoke about it I ended up saying I was so sorry for bringing it up and the I wouldn’t talk about again. Well the other night after talking to some one else about the matter I confronted her again ( FYI - I’m not badgering her, these were 4 conversations spread out over a month and a half ) and simply said “Put yourself in my shoes”, I told her how I felt. How this is making feel, like I’ve done something wrong. She broke down in tears and I felt so bad but she did say “yes, even though I’m under a lot of stress I’m being selfish and I will try to make things better”.
Now I don’t want her to do anything she doesn’t want to do, she says she wants me but doesn’t do anything about it. Like I said I know some of the above reasons for being tired are not under anyone’s control but at the same time she stays up until 2am when she has to wake at 8 - its like she’s not even trying to come to some compromise. At first since I was “out of the loop” with sex, things didn’t quite go well sometimes in bed but I did what I had to do to make and keep her happy - no matter what. I know she’s under a lot of stress and so am I, a lot I don’t even mention to her about so she won’t worry any more than she has too. I always put her first and approach any issue with compassion, its like she has just given up on sex - I’m trying to get in “tune” with her sex drive and take notice to some things I may miss but I’m baffled. Right now I’m just trying to keep my mind off of it but I find her so attractive and I want to make love to woman THAT I love.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated, sorry this is so long. If anything needs clearing up please ask -
Again thanks!
