Could really use some advice: 2 guys and unsure

Hey all,

I was really desperate to find a forum because I'm in such a sticky situation an I could really use some advice! I'll try to keep it as short as possible. Here's the deal.

I've been with my boyfriend for a couple months now. He's great... most of the time. He's in the military and stationed in another state. Therefore I fly out to see him when I can. I'm attracted to him and I do enjoy his company for the most part. There ARE times when I feel as though he's just not "responding". Like he's detached. When we first started talking, I enjoyed our conversation. But now, I feel as though sometimes I bore him (and he's even eluded to the fact that every once in a while our conversation is a bit dull.. I agree as well). Although in the same breath, when I talk to him about it, he assures me that he really wants to be with me and he's very, very happy with me. He'll be deploying very soon.

Now this other guy, I haven't known that long. He too is in the military. The times we've talked it's been great. Him and I have A LOT more in common than my boyfriend and I. This guy has even told me that he has a crush on me and would like to be in a relationship. However, things changed when he got deployed well before he was supposed to. Not that his feelings have changed for me (I don't think), but he said he had "a lot of things on his mind, but would still love for me to write him". Understandable. I HAVE written him, although I'm not sure if the letters are getting to him. I almost feel like this guy is the better match, but I just don't know what I should be doing.

The address guy #2 gave me was to the state from which he deployed. He said the letters would eventually get to him and he'd write me and give me an address that would send the letters to him directly in Iraq. I've written twice now and haven't heard anything back, nor have I received any returned letters so I'm assuming they got somewhere... hopefully Iraq!

I'm not sure where to go from here. Should I forget about guy #2 even though I feel in my heart that he may be the better match afterall? Or should I stick it out with my boyfriend and see if things change. I mean him and I don't have a bad relationship... but I just feel like he's so detached. On top of all this, I don't know where I stand with guy #2.. I mean what if the letters never get to him and he forgets about me?

Any advice would be amazing!

-MilitaryPride

I'm not really sure why you need to attach yourself to either one. You obviously don't care much for your boyfriend, and the one on the side is being deployed, meaning he isn't available to you. Why don't you just try being single for a while?

Shh! thanks for the reply!

It's not that I don't care for my boyfriend. I do. I think he's a great guy. If this other guy wasn't in the picture, I think I'd be more willing to want to work through things... or I'd hope to anyway. With him, I just feel like some days he's into me, and some days he's not. I've told him how I felt and I know that's he's tried working on it, but there's this nagging feeling in my gut that the other guy is my soul mate... if there even is such a thing.

I don't mind the fact that he's deployed either. I've been in a good amount of long distance relationships that have worked out. LDR's are better for my lifestyle right now. I just don't know if maybe I should go with my gut on this and keep talking to guy number two or if I should continue to work things out with my boyfriend and see if things change.

-MP

Hmm.. maybe I am not thinking straight, but if you have experienced long-distance relationships that worked out, wouldn't that mean you wouldn't have had a "good amount" of them because you'd still be with the first one?

How old are you?

I'm 21 :D

Let me be a little bit more clear. I have been with 2 other men (both in the military as well) that have been long distance relationships. What I mean to say is, the reason of them not working out wasn't because of the distance between us, but because of other reasons, not related to being so far apart. So when I said they "worked out" I meant in terms of the distance apart wasn't a factor on either side affecting the relationship. There were other outside reasons for those not working.

Do I make a little bit better sense?

-MP