This ended up being longer than I intended, but the last paragraph pretty much summarizes it.
I just embarked upon a 'semester' of traveling and activities with my sister, leaving my girlfriend behind, but also not planning to go back. It's better than it sounds, I needed to leave where I was living because I was unhappy and unstimulated there. Our relationship, however, was fantastic. We had rough times, as all do, but we had a very healthy, balanced relationship overall.
She was the 2nd serious girlfriend I've had, and the 4th girl I've ever slept with. Part of our hard times were caused by me wanting to initiate an open relationship period for some time that we were apart--3 weeks, then together for 4, then apart for 4, then 2 months before I moved.
I don't know why I'm so obsessed with feeling like I need to experience sleeping around with a bunch of girls, but I really do. I know it's going to be meaningless in the end, but I keep thinking it's something that I have to do, so that when I'm older I won't look back and regret not having done it, and so that If I do end up getting married it won't interfere at that point.
My parents were separated and divorced when I was 5 and 8 respectively, and I think this often plays into my thinking that I have to find the right person and know that it will last. Obviously there is no way to know for certain, but I think that there are ways to increase probability, and I feel like the above issue is one of them.
Anyways, we've already planned one visit in a few weeks, and have speculated about a couple more to take place over the next several months. I was really hoping to get some of my urge to sleep around out of my system, but so far it hasn't come close to happening. It's somewhat difficult because I'm with my sister, but to be honest I haven't put forth much effort. Now I feel like, Okay, we're gonna see each other in a couple weeks, she'll be crushed if I sleep with anyone between now and then, and vice versa, so maybe I should just hold out on trying. As of now we haven't agreed to be exclusive, but as my sister pointed out, as much as we're talking to and thinking about each other, we're not really "broken up", but rather have sort of unintentionally entered a long distance relationship, which is something I have no desire to participate in.
Basically it comes down to this: I may want to be with this girl forever, but I feel so strongly that I need to experience being with other girls before I'm ready to commit to that (with her or with anyone). At the same time, it's incredibly difficult to do that while staying in communication with the current girl, and it's also a gamble (and maybe pretty inconsiderate?) to think that I can go off and explore my options and that she'll be there waiting for me when I'm done (if I don't find something better).
What're some of my best and most realistic options?
