listen?

okay. i haven't been able to talk to anyone about this for a long time, or even at all really. and i would just like some feedback.

i dated a guy that i met through friends for about five months. when we met, he had just been dumped for another guy by his girlfriend of three months, so we took it slow, and just hung out and partied with out friends when we could.

we both fell for each other the first time we met, even though we barely talked until his friend gave me his phone number. we got along really well, and after a few weeks of just hanging out and being together unofficially, he asked me to be his girlfriend. this was right before he went home for the summer (from college) and he wasn't sure if we would be able to handle being apart so much all summer.

we worked it out, though, and saw each other as often as possible. we had a great connection, and one weekend when he came up to visit me, he brought me a rose, and a blue balloon (i had mentioned a few weeks ago that for some reason i wanted a balloon, and he remembered). While we were laying on my bed upstairs (sex hadn't entered the picture yet, we had only been together for two months) he told me that he had never felt this way about anyone before, and that he though he was falling in love with me. I said I felt the same way, and over the next week both our feelings got stronger. he would call me every morning to wake up me up and chat before we both had to go to work, and we texted each other almost all day, every day.

we talked about marriage, and living together, and alot of serious things. whenever i was sad and stressed and missed him, he would say, 'Don't worry. Three months is nothing, when we have the rest of our lives to spend together.'

At the time I was living with some roommates I knew from high school, and we were in no way getting along. I am a person who needs to just vent alot when I'm upset, and since he was the person I was closest too, he heard alot of my anger. He hates fighting, especially since my roommates were his friends, and we always talked about it, and he would tell me to just be chill and not to get angry, or to stay as apart from each other as possible.

I have to mention, at the time, alot of terrible things were happening in my life; my mother was going to jail for something she hadn't done, related to sexual abuse charges I had pressed against my stepfather; I knew almost no one in the town I had moved to; I was just generally unhappy and stressed. I also started smoking occasionally to deal with the stress.

After a while, we started arguing about the situation, and he got into a fight with two of my roommates, and the whole thing was escalating and getting out of hand. Still, we talked about it, and even when we fought (we both fight very dirty, and to win, and both tend to be very cruel when fighting) we always talked calmly about it when we had cooled down, and made up with no hard feelings.

Finally, near the end of the summer, he came up to visit, and the day started off well. We went job hunting for him, when he came back to town, and he was very sweet and romantic. Eventually, though, I got irritated with him. When he's around a group he focuses his attention on everyone, and since he was up to see me, I didn't feel like i was getting any of his time that I should be. We were going to go for a walk on the lake in the afternoon, but his friend called and asked us if we could pick her up after work, so she came with, which upset me. He got irritated when I became sullen, and when we all got back to the house, I went upstairs and he stayed down in the kitchen with everyone else. Finally I left, and went to a park a block or two away to have a cigarrette and relax. He hated that I smoked, and eventually I texted him and, thinking we could get some alone time, asked him if he would like to come swing at the park with me. So he came, but he knew that I had been smoking, and not long after he showed up, we argued. Aside from our words, though, everything else was very romantic. I was sitting on the grass, and he had his head in my lap, and we were both comfortable. Eventually we walked back to the house for dinner, and he went back to the group, and I went back upstairs (hoping somewhat that he would follow). After dinner (i took a nap rather than sit with everyone, since I didn't get along with the majority of the people) he came upstairs and asked me if I wanted to go to the fireworks with all of them. I was already very upset (i am a little of an overly emotional person) and was in the bathroom trying to fix my make up from crying, and I said in a very angry voice, I DON'T ****ING WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ALL OF THEM, SO NO, I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE FIREWORKS WITH THEM. He tried to get me to go, but I was good and angry, and refused, hoping maybe he would stay with me, but of course he didn't (he is also an extremely oblivious person). So I went by myself down by the lake to watch them.

A few friends of mine were supposed to come over that night to celebrate my birthday, and when I finally came home, my friend Phil was there, and he brought me a bottle of tequila. Me and my boyfriend didn't make up, and I ended up getting extremely drunk and passing out. He did take care of me all night, though, and i woke up next to him. He put his arm around me, and we were very cozy with each other. The next day was much of the same, though, doubled because I was already irritable from a hangover.

A week or two later he ended things, and I begged him, promised I would do anything, I would get my life together, I would be nice to my roommates, and he said he didn't want to change me.

We remained sort of friends, for a while, and a month passed, and I finally decided that if I stopped texting him, maybe he would miss me more? He didn't text me at all for a few weeks, and finally I texted him and we picked up being friends. This was about two months ago. Durng this time I moved out of the triplex, got my own apartment, and worked hard at getting my life together and doing my own thing. I never stopped feeling just as strongly for him as I had in the begginning.
Recently, we got into a conversation about all the amazing sex we had had, and it escalated, until we were both at a friend's coming back party, and we were both quite drunk and ended up hanging on each other all night, til we got a bedroom and ended up having sex. Afterwards, we had a short conversation, in which I told him I loved him, and he asked me why? what is there to love? and I said everything. Then he put his head between my shoulder and neck and fell asleep.
In the morning he was very affectionate, and cuddly, and kissed me on the lips often in a very nonsexual way. we spent several hours just laying in bed cuddling, until our friends came to get us for lunch.

After that we started talking every day again, about everything, and it seemed like when we had first met, just getting to know each other again.
A few weeks after that, I left my lights on in my car while I was at work, and he came to give me a jump. We ended up going to get hot chocolate and having a really good time. Afterwards we sat in my car and talked for a long time, and eventually ended up having very slow, romantic type sex. When we parted, he kissed me on the forehead and the lips, and said he would call me.

Its been a while now, and I've tried not to text him all the time, because I don't want it to seem like I'm obsessive or clingy. Everything seemed to fade away between us, he stopped texting me as often or calling, and finally he barely even texts me back.

I still love him, and would do anything to reconcile things between us. I would honestly give up everything in my life right now, just to be with him. And I'm not sure how to understand what is going on with him. I don't know if I should pursue a friendship or something more, or just give him space to do his own thing and be patient.

Thoughts? On everything? Please.