I think I want to get my heart broken
I'm 26 in less than a month. I have never been seriously wounded by a romantic relationship. Mostly when a relationship ends I will feel a sense of regret for some weeks, but nothing I would describe as "pain".
My relationships start the way I imagine most others do: I meet a nice girl I find attractive, I ask her out to dinner, we have a nice time, I ask her out to another dinner, I take her to meet my friends etc,etc. Most of my relationships I have enjoyed very much. Girls have been an overwhelmingly positive experience in my life. I really love girls. Now I'm single, I spend a staggering amount of time thinking about girls, looking at girls, chasing girls. Sometimes I wish I could just turn it off and think about something else.
Anyway, I have never had my heart broken, and I think it's about time it happened. Or time to be in a relationship where I give up control. Where I can't eat if she doesn't answer my call, where I wonder where she is and what she's doing. Not that I want that I want to be like that permanently, but just once. To see what it's like.
Sometimes I worry that I don't have it in me. That my emotional range is too narrow, or something.
I think my best bet is to be extremely selective on who I ask out on a first date. I met a girl at a party on the weekend. A young eurasian girl who lives in a big house on the water. We had a good great night together, but I'm not going to see her again because I know this girl could not break my heart.
Does this sound right? How would one go about deliberately having their heart broken?