A few months later... Still not sure where to go from here...
Some of you may be familiar with my story already, as I'm pretty sure I've posted here before. But, a few months have gone by, and I still don't know where to go from here... To those that maybe haven't heard it before, let me fill you in (note: I'll try to keep it as brief as I can, but I'm bad with condensing things... @_@ So, don't be surprised if this turns out to be a bit of a lengthy read).
Currently, I'm a 19 (soon to be 20 in a few weeks) year old guy, and this goes all the way back to when I was actually only about 5 or 6, if you can believe that. See, back when I was a kid, in grade school, I instantly fell for this girl in my class. 'Course, I'm not denying that, being kids, it started as an innocent little crush, but as the years went on, I really started to see how cool of a person was, and I felt this... attachment. Unfortunately, I was too shy to let on, and she didn't know until grade school was almost over for us, when my friends sort of filled her in. Interestingly enough, she didn't seem to be displeased about hearing that; actually, that last year, we kinda had some cute moments together, heh...
After grade school ended, I was so broken hearted that we had to part ways, and moreso because I never even really let on my feelings myself. Since then, I've tried to just stop thinking about her, and get on with my life, but it just seemed like the most I could do was push the feelings deep down, and not actually get rid of them. Imagine my surprised when, earlier this year, I randomly stumbled upon her MySpace page. I messaged her, just asking if she remembered me, not expecting her to really even be interested in writing to me, and I was taken aback when she wrote back such a nice sweet message that "of course she remembered me!". I wrote her a bit over the last 8-9 months, and things seemed to be alright.
Now, I know, I can't say for sure whether or not I still have feelings this girl. But... Having this contact with her again have made my repressed feelings for her come bubbling back up. I just really want to maybe see her again, and get to meet up with her in person, and see if I DO still feel something, yanno? I'm never gonna really know otherwise, right? I don't want to live the rest of my life wonder what would've happened if I at least tried. So why am I making such a big deal about this?
Well, once I really got access to her profile page (she has her page set to private "friends-only" view), I learned some things that made the situation a bit tricky... For one, at the time, she had a boyfriend of about 8-9 months. I'll get into that in a minute. The other thing is, well... Despite the fact that her "home" is in a city that's not very far from me, during the school year, she goes to a college that's 1.5-2 hours away.
Back in May, she came home for the summer for four months. To me, that would've been my easiest, best opportunity to try and schedule a meet-up, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, knowing she was seeing some one else. It just would've been too awkward. So, I just kept to writing her; in fact, I even hinted around about meeting up some time in a subtle way, and she didn't seem disinterested. Then, a month before she was to return to school, she and her boyfriend split up. This put me in a complicated place, because on one hand, she was single, so it wouldn't be so weird to ask her to meet up, but on the other hand, with her just having gotten out of a long relationship, it probably wouldn't have went well.
I struggled back and forth with what to do for a little while, then a couple of weeks before school started, I panicked, and pulled the trigger, writing her about maybe meeting up in person to catch up. And... she just didn't write back. A few weeks passed, and she returned to school, and I stupidly sent a little message saying something like "hi, how ya been? haven't heard from ya in a little while", and again, no response. I know for a fact that she DID get both messages, though (how I know that isn't really important). But it's weird, though, because she doesn't seem to have totally disconnected from me; she hasn't blocked me, or deleted me from her page, or anything like that. I dunno if I just caught her at a bad time and she wasn't sure how to react, or what.
Since then, I haven't written to her, mostly because I'm not sure what to even think, right now. It seems like we're stuck in this awkward little limbo, now, until one of us breaks that awkwardness. I don't *think* she's seeing anyone new, at the moment, but it's hard to tell, because she seems to have migrated to Facebook, and uses MySpace fairly irregularly. Sometimes I wonder if she switched over because of me, but I try to comfort myself by remembering that she seemed to be in that "switching over" process even when I was first writing to her. Anyway, I don't currently have a Facebook page, because I don't know anyone else that uses it. It probably WOULD be a better way to contact her, but I don't want it to look like I made the page just to get to her...
So... There you have it. Now help me out, here... Is there ANY way I can bounce back, and fix this? Or am I doomed to never really get to see where this could've went? If this IS possible to still be salvaged... how? What should my next course of action be? And most importantly, how would I even go about scheduling something like this, considering she's 1.5-2 hours away most of the time?
Well, thanks for reading, if you stuck around, and an even bigger thanks to those that can pitch in some worthwhile advice. Actually, there are a few more "issues" about this whole situation, but to keep things from getting overly long, I cut those out because they just weren't important right now. One step at a time, here, right?
