Advice needed Engagement?
Hello everybody. I have a fairly lengthy and complicated situation. I have been dating for girlfriend for 6 years. We're 24. She was my first serious girlfriend right out of high school. She went away to college while I stayed home and we did a long distance relationship for 4 years. She has since moved home. I love her very much. She is my best friend and she is such a good person. She has become my pillar of strength and the only person that I know that I can count on.
Here is my issue. I love her but I'm not sure that I'm in love with her. As strange as this sounds we started dating by circumstance after high school. We were niave kids. I'm not proud of what I'm admitting by any means but I have cheated on her 3 times and she doesn't know it. The first was 4 years ago at a bar. The second time I wasn't really cheating. My girlfriend and I were going through a very tough time and I felt as though she was pushing me away. I started seeing another girl and told my girlfriend all about this and my desire to end our relationship. Something bad then happened in my life and my girlfriend was there for me. I ended things with the other girl and I stayed with my girlfriend.
I cheated on her again 4 months later with a coworker. It lasted a few weeks before my conscience got the best of me. I know that this was a terrible thing to do to her. I know this. That was 2 and a half years ago. Since then I have stayed faithful to her. A huge problem in our relationship is our sexual relationship. She is not at all a very sexual person and I am. We have sex only 6-10 times a year because all sorts of reasons that she comes up with. It's no fault of mine either as I am a very considerate partner. All of our friends around us are getting married and this has caused her to push the issue. In July I finally decided that I am ready to committ to her. I bought her a very expensive ring and plan to propose to her on Christmas.
Here is a new problem in my life. There was a job opening in my office that I had the responsibility to fill. I interviewed some candidates and in walked the daughter of someone I know. As soon as I saw this girl I was immediately attracted to her. She, in my eyes, is the perfect girl. The kind that I've always put together in my head when I thought about the perfect girl. I hired her because of the relationship I had with her parent. Since her first day we hit it off. We laugh and joke for 8 hours a day. She thinks I'm a great guy because I help her with her homework (grad school) every week. Everytime I see this girl I get butterflies and I spend so much time with her that when I'm not with her all that I do is think about her.
If you saw my girlfriend and then saw me you would laugh because we are 100% opposite people. This new girl seems like the type that I would be with. We match. She's not so innocent and neither am I. A few weeks ago before leaving for the weekend she kissed her hand and then grabbed mine to say goodbye. An electric force went through my body. It was that feeling that I haven't felt in years. I'm not sure if she is interested in me and I haven't really thought of pursuing this because I'm her immediate supervisor and I'm planning on getting engaged. This morning we were talking about my impending engagement. She asked me to bring the ring in for all to see. She then told me that she was going to wear it around the office all day. I didn't really know how to respond so I was silent until she said I'm just kidding, I would be furious if someone did that to me. I don't know what to do.
I do love my girlfriend but I'm afraid that if I marry her then I will always wonder who else is out there in life. I'm not sure that I've lived enough to committ to this person. I think that this new girl was introduced in my life to stop me from making a mistake. I've thought about pursuing a relationship with this new girl because even though I'm her supervisor this is my job and not my career. I just obtained a MA and am looking for higher work that I should be obtaining very soon.
What does everyone suggest that I do? Do I propose to my girlfriend? Do I wait a while? Do I pursue a relationship with the other girl? I told myself that I would never cheat on my girlfriend again and this is a promise that I'm going to keep. For as long as I live I will never cheat on her again. If the opportunity for a relationship is there with the other girl then I would break ties with my girlfriend to do it. I know that I sound like a huge jerk but I'm just such a confused huge jerk.... Please help me. Thank you.
