Awkward Situations w/ Ex and Unrequited Love
This is going to be a long post, so please bear with me. I'm afraid this is going to be a "too long, didn't read" post.
In June, the guy I was dating for about 5 weeks broke-up with me (I know I mentioned this elsewhere on the forum). To be honest, I was finally getting over him, although we were keeping in touch as friends via email. Well, this happened:
I lost my cell phone on Thursday at the Landmark Theater. I was with my coworkers watching Milk.
I sent out a mass email to my closest friends (including my ex), asking for their cell phone numbers. My ex emailed me back, and asked what happened to the phone. I told him about Landmark, and said I had called the theater asking if anyone had recovered it. They said they'd call me back. He replied saying that they'll definitely find it, and later suggested that we should grab some coffee and catch up since the Landmark is not far from his apartment.
Towards the end of the weekday (Friday), sure enough, the theater called and said they had my phone. I told my ex, and added I wouldn't be getting off work until 7PM.
Once I got the phone, I called him up. It was so awkward. We had this hesitant conversation about banal stuff. He made no mention about meeting, so I decided to head back to my car. As I was driving, he asked if: "So... You don't want to meet?"
I did want to see him again, which is the stupidest thing I could want. I made a u-turn, re-parked my car, and waited for him in Barnes & Noble. He found me right after the earthquake (An omen? A message from God Almighty saying: THIS IS BAD!). I didn't know what the boundaries were, so I didn't hug him. For a second, he just stood there, and then opened his arms. And yes, I hugged him, but he hugged me much tighter than I expected. It was kind of sad, but it also felt nice.
We hung-out at the Lounge and talked for about two hours. It's weird. On the phone, we don't know what to talk about, but in person, it's significantly easier. He started to get hungry, which made him realize I didn't have dinner yet either. We walked back to his apartment, he got his wallet, and then we walked down to a Japanese BBQ restaurant. He paid.
We talked about our families, mutual friends, and other inconsequential things. Then we talked about our plans for the holidays. He asked if I was doing anything for New Years, and I said I would be with family. I don't know if I was projecting my own emotions or what I wanted to see, but he suddenly looked very sad and lonely. There were also several instances where he looked uncomfortable whenever I mentioned something that signified our age difference (movies I saw, and how old I was when I saw them).
We went for a walk down the block, then he dropped me off at my car. I drove him back to his apartment. When my car was in neutral, I said goodbye. Again, he sat there a moment before opening his arm to hug me. I hugged him back, and he clung on for a while. And then he kissed me behind the ear. Before I could think straight, I returned the gesture (f*ck!). We said goodbye again, and I asked him to take care of himself, then I drove off.
On Saturday, my friend emailed me to inform me about my former coworker's holiday party. His parties are huge and amazing, and I knew that I'd get to see all my coworkers from my last job, so going was a must. However, my former coworker is friends with two people who are friends with my ex. That's how I met my ex at the last party on April 24th. I had a vague feeling he might be there, even though my coworker knew what happened.
Sure enough, after I met my friend we walked down to the patio, and my ex was the first person I saw, standing several yards away. The most bizarre thing is that he was already looking in my direction when I came out of the house.
Awkward. I didn't hug him until he opened his arms. We talked for a minute or two. He mentioned last night and how weird it was. He was expecting coffee, but somehow it turned into dinner, and he didn't know what the hell we were doing. He asked if I felt the same way. I replied I did, but I also had a lot of fun, which was good. I then said goodbye to talk to my friends and former coworkers.
I admit that throughout the night, I was stealing glances to see where he was. Several times, I caught him looking at me, and I had to look away really quickly. What is this? Middle school?
As the night wound down and 1AM approached, I sat down with my ex's friend and started to chat. My ex saw us and took a seat. We chatted, then I moved over to sit on the arm of my ex's chair. His friends signaled that they were leaving. He stuck around with me for a while, and we didn't really talk. But he would do little affectionate things like nudging my foot or wrapping his arm around my waist. He said he wanted to share The Wire with me on Sunday. I said, sure (what is wrong with me?!?!).
Finally, Sunday was even weirder. So I guess he just wants to be friends? My ex and I watched a few things on TV, went out to grab some junk food, watched some more TV. While we were watching TV, he nuzzled my arm, but didn't do anything else. We hugged, and then I left.
ARGH... I can't stand this. What the hell? What's going on in that head of his? When we broke up, he said that he wanted to be friends. I told him that wasn't what I wanted, and that was that. After two months of feeling like crap, he friends me on Facebook. I didn't want to look like a bitch, so I friended him back. We email one another on and off, then the above happened.
I'm being a fool and walking straight into this mess because I miss him terribly. I know he wants nothing beyond being my friend. We even talked about it again. But why the mixed signals? Do we have to talk about physical boundaries? This is so awkward. I'm holding onto the hope that he might give me a second chance, and it's dumb. :sad2:
