Always wanting more...

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11-12-08, 01:12 PM
Aeradalia

Always wanting more...

I am still in the stage of the relationship where I have a pretty good idea as to what kind of person my boyfriend is.. I may not know everything about him, but I know enough of his personality to gauge the nature of these 'unknowns.' Also at the stage where I can reasonably discern how he approaches life and what he wants from it.

So I found myself thinking over all that I know of him, and some of the more intangible evidence I've gathered from intuition. However I kept pressing onward... wanting to know more.. feeling like there had to be more. Finally, I had to reel this emotion in, and remind myself that he is flawed (and that's not a bad thing), he is very affectionate, he truly cares, the way he thinks is interesting and pleasing to me, he's honest, devoted, ... etc. And yes he is very sexual... but charitable with affection and very caring. Though at times he may be occasionally disheartened or glum, it requires relatively little effort to encourage him... All in all, flaws included, I really like him as a person... there's more here than just feeling love.

I felt bad for seeking out more in him and apparently trying to find fault in him. I think I can attribute this to a few things:

*Trying to be objective and see what's really here (or if I'm fooling myself).

*Uneasy about the odds against finding love and maintaining a workable relationship.

*Not sure if I'm worthy of love, given my own flaws and mistakes in life.

*That part of myself that is seemingly always searching for more out of life... and apparently without end (which I have to temper through reminding myself to slow down and be happy).

Does anyone else have similar thoughts such as this? If so, how do you handle it?
11-12-08, 01:36 PM
The Godfather

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aeradalia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

*Uneasy about the odds against finding love and maintaining a workable relationship.

*Not sure if I'm worthy of love, given my own flaws and mistakes in life.

*That part of myself that is seemingly always searching for more out of life... and apparently without end (which I have to temper through reminding myself to slow down and be happy).

Does anyone else have similar thoughts such as this? If so, how do you handle it?

This sounds like a big issue of not knowing yourself. Which is no easy fix.

First and foremost, I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself. Figure out what your path in life is; what you want to get out of life. Decide what you would be unhappy if you didn't accomplish for yourself during your lifetime. Having a purpose is the most important step in being happy IMO

Once you have done that (and it may take a while) the rest should be much more obvious. Make it a daily mission to do something to help you move that direction with your life.

This should help your uneasy feelings, your feeling of constant search for something more, and your self image.

Did for me at least :D my $0.02
12-12-08, 04:03 PM
Aeradalia

My world was thrown for a loop after the divorce... partly to do with the shock and the self-doubt from it, but also from the financial 'loose-ends' that I've been trying to tie up.

Admittedly, meeting my boyfriend was an accident... not something I really planned on. So I guess I feel a little embarrassed about my situation and do wonder if I really have anything to offer him. He is patient with me and aware of my current situation, which has helped considerably.

I haven't forgotten the goals I had planned... but they'll have to be put on hold till I can afford to pursue them once more --- and this brings about much frustration... though I do try to keep things in perspective (and remain positive).

However, there is a strong part of me that would like to have these financial issues rectified before anything serious with my boyfriend were to happen later on down the road. I wouldn't appreciate having responsibilities heaped upon me if I were to enter into a relationship... and though he may not say so, I'm sure my boyfriend wouldn't really like that either.
12-12-08, 09:37 PM
vashti

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aeradalia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I felt bad for seeking out more in him and apparently trying to find fault in him. I think I can attribute this to a few things:

*Trying to be objective and see what's really here (or if I'm fooling myself).

*Uneasy about the odds against finding love and maintaining a workable relationship.

*Not sure if I'm worthy of love, given my own flaws and mistakes in life.

*That part of myself that is seemingly always searching for more out of life... and apparently without end (which I have to temper through reminding myself to slow down and be happy).

Does anyone else have similar thoughts such as this? If so, how do you handle it?

I suppose at your age, I struggled with more of these types of emotions. I think a lot of it has to do with lack of life experience, the thing brings more confidence about your own worth. Personal development takes care of many of these issues in an otherwise emotionally-healthy individual.

As for your financial issues, yes - you SHOULD resolve them before anything serious happens with your boyfriend, and by "serious", I mean marriage. There is no reason why you can't still date, so long as you are financially responsible.
13-12-08, 02:09 AM
Aeradalia

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I suppose at your age, I struggled with more of these types of emotions. I think a lot of it has to do with lack of life experience, the thing brings more confidence about your own worth. Personal development takes care of many of these issues in an otherwise emotionally-healthy individual.

As for your financial issues, yes - you SHOULD resolve them before anything serious happens with your boyfriend, and by "serious", I mean marriage. There is no reason why you can't still date, so long as you are financially responsible.

The life experience I have is mostly negative and at times I still struggle with it. I am aware of my lack of life experience in terms of relationships and the normal scheme of things, and this awareness alone can be somewhat discouraging.

Being in a relationship with someone who's older can be a bit of a mixed blessing... on one hand he's experienced more and so I can learn from him, ... on the other hand, I have to contribute to the relationship too and not rely on him all of the time. This relationship is something I really would like to have work out... so I've been trying to put my life in order and learn from others as well as my own experiences as quickly as I can... while forcing patience when it's deemed necessary.

It is natural for me to hide my emotions... not allow them to be expressed, especially in times of stress. However, my boyfriend encourages a relaxed atmosphere in which to discuss these feelings in terms of their possible meaning and usefulness... which is strange and new, and so far, proven quite helpful.

I considered putting my financial issues in order an advantageous way of reducing unnecessary stress in the relationship and possibly giving it a better chance of survival.

In regards to marriage... my feelings are still mixed on that as I am now a bit gun shy. I think it would be best to focus more on the here and now, and if/when the topic of marriage is brought up, then it will be taken into consideration. I've learned the importance of pacing yourself a long time ago.