It's been ten years...

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13-12-08, 02:07 AM
smplguy24

It's been ten years...

Ok let me start off by explaining my title. I have been in love with this girl for over 10 years. Ever since the day I saw her. We had become really close about 8 years ago and were always talking and hanging out. We started to date for a brief time, but this was when we were 16. Now that we are both 24, so much has changed, but it hasn't...

Now that I've confused you...let me try to explain. We talk about once or twice a year now and go get dinner and catch up on things, but I'm always the one to begin to talk to her. I hate doing it, but I feel I should since I thought we were friends and those were her wishes. I'll send her a happy b-day text or a merry christmas one, but then she always asks me to hang out and do something. Which is cool, but then it's another six months before we talk again.

During the last ten years we both dated other people and none of those relationships seemed to work out. We talked all about it and even both laughed and cried at our experiences. From the fights, to the funny times, to the down right horrible ones. I can't help but think that one day she may tell me she is ready. I'd say yes. Like I said before, I've dated other people to no avail and If i found the right someone I might forget about her, maybe, but I don't want to lose her period.

I have told her many times how I felt about her. She always either told me she wasn't ready or didn't want to lose our friendship at the time, but now all I want to know is, would you consider us close friends anymore? Or what? So what is there to lose?

I'm just confused and I've talked to her about it, but she has no answer. I just want a different view, that's all.

Thanks!
14-12-08, 04:46 PM
TheTooya

The answer I believe you are seeing, is "friend zone." That said, it looks like you aren't really close friends anymore, friends yes... but talking once or twice a year is a little spare to call "close friends".

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14-12-08, 05:13 PM
IndiReloaded

You're both single, right? Assuming that isn't a problem, I think its time to bite the bullet.

Has she done *anything* to suggest she might be physically/romantically interested in you? That matters. Sometimes, in these situations, the guy is holding a torch for a gal that she simply isn't attracted to. In such cases, she's being nice to you, friendly. But is thinking to herself "hell, no", as far as a relationship goes.

You need to make sure that's not the case. If, however, she's even slightly open to the idea, then you've got a chance. In that case, LOTS of advice. But be honest w/yourself.
14-12-08, 06:26 PM
Muffin Princess

I feel really bad for you being in this situation. But if you've told her many times how you feel and she's never responded, I think you may have to accept that this may never happen. I don't know how to suggest it as 10 years is a long time, but if you don't try and get over her then you'll never be happy with anyone else.
15-12-08, 05:46 AM
IndiReloaded

Yes, but he said they were 16 (that's only 8 years, btw). So most of those years don't count for anything other than the hormone haze they were.
15-12-08, 11:02 AM
carl1222

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yes, but he said they were 16 (that's only 8 years, btw). So most of those years don't count for anything other than the hormone haze they were.

Yeah, Indi, but he is not just carrying a torch but an Olympic torch.

Smpl ... she doesn't think of you that way and she never will.

She may depend on you to hold her hand through her bad times, but she will NEVER be your girlfriend, and she will never love you ... EVER.

Do yourself a favor and cut off your semi-annual meetings ... force yourself to cut her out of your life completely. It's time for you to live.

Carl.
15-12-08, 12:30 PM
IndiReloaded

Olympic torches need to have their heads held under a bucket of water for 10 minutes tho, else it won't work.

This guy needs to flame out & crash before he moves on.
15-12-08, 01:12 PM
carl1222

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Olympic torches need to have their heads held under a bucket of water for 10 minutes tho, else it won't work.

This guy needs to flame out & crash before he moves on.

Sad but true, Indi ... but I think he already has!
20-12-08, 01:24 PM
snoz

I'm in a similar predicament. Ended badly by her doing, she said she still wanted to be friends yet I'm the one saying hi when I get the chance.

Cept I don't really want us to be back together I just don't get how someone can cut off contact like that so I say hi every now and then to make her feel bad the day that she realises she went back on her word muaha which is probably never but ah well.

move on buddy
20-12-08, 03:04 PM
Lite

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Olympic torches need to have their heads held under a bucket of water for 10 minutes tho, else it won't work.

This guy needs to flame out & crash before he moves on.

I was going to say, how has his hand not been amputated from blood loss due to holding that torch up for so long.

Seriously dude, you're suffering from delusions of adequacy when it comes to what she's looking for in a mate.

Now, you're saying you've been in love since with her since the age of 16, when you're now 24, so I know I'm not great with this whole government tax math thing, but how is that over 10 years? Is this like when a place advertises that they have over 50 years of experience in the business, but really it means they employ 10 people with 5 years each?

Stop the obsessing, maybe that whole holding a boombox playing Peter Gabriel over your head while you wear a trench coat would have worked in the 80's, but these days doing so merely gets you a summons to court...And we all know that NOTHING says "I love you!" like a restraining order.

You're being an idiot, and you've literally wasted all of these years on someone who isn't worth the attention and effort. Either you resolve yourself, and your feelings, to being just a friend, or risk wasting more of what little life you've been given on this planet for a pipe dream.

As much as we'd all love for you to get the girl, get married, and live happily ever after. We don't believe this is likely to happen in your case. It isn't that we find you unworthy of her, just that she's unworthy of you and you need to move on.

Dear FSM, did I just write that? Someone shoot me now. Dude. Stop, you're being pathetic and there's not reason for you to do so.
20-12-08, 03:06 PM
Lite

Quote:

Originally Posted by snoz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm in a similar predicament. Ended badly by her doing, she said she still wanted to be friends yet I'm the one saying hi when I get the chance.

That whole "wanting to still be friends thing"?? Yeah, so that's an excuse for her to try and not hurt your feelings more often than not. Real, actual, friends make you something of a priority in their life. If it's one-sided in this case, she's humoring you and probably doesn't want anything to do with you. Best you move on, stop wasting your breath, and let her simply miss having you around in silence. If she isn't too shallow that is.