I miss my ex

It’s been over 4 months now since I broke up with my ex and I saw some pics of him today on bebo, he had this really vulnerable look on his face and he looked like he had put on a bit of weight. He didn’t look too happy. I felt a pang of regret and wondered is he sad. I am over the stage of wanting him to suffer, even tho he was a terrible bf. I have an urge to contact him but I also have a fear that I’m just making a fool of myself and in-fact have mis-read the pic. I miss the comfort we had, the hugs, the intimacy. I’ve been really busy lately, coz biz has really picked up. The dating site I joined had a night out on sat which I joined and I met a lot a great people. So life has pieced together quite nicely for me except for this feelin I miss and have. I want to contact him but I also don’t want to contact him. How do I feel better about this?

You argue with me about publicly discussing community service.

fight your feelings eco!!! Indulge yourself in other new things and new people! Forgive but don't forget, ever!

Why did you break up?

oh vashti, lots of reasons, he was very jealous, manipulative...there is so much to tell, ahh thanks vashti, i guess i just need a reminder, sometimes i can be too soft, i wrote a letter about the relationship and i'm gonna go read that now..altho i don't really want to get mad again, i've let go of the anger..i dunno, maybe once i sleep on it i'll feel better

ye fras, thats always a good plan hehe

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Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

sometimes i can be too soft

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This is reflective in your posts here as you tend to be overly empathetic to bizarre individuals.

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This is reflective in your posts here as you tend to be overly empathetic to bizarre individuals.

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hey, what are you trying to say here! yeah, she has been the nicest one to me though :upset:

lol thats coz you are nice indig

Ah Eco..he has the frightened puppy look but that doesn't mean he has changed.

My last big break up I had I made sure I made a list of all the things that were wrong in the relationship and what I would and wouldn't accept from a partner in the future. It really helped clarify how truly shitty things had been but that I had a choice to change it for the future.

Maybe you just need to revisit your list?

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Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

oh vashti, lots of reasons, he was very jealous, manipulative...there is so much to tell, ahh thanks vashti, i guess i just need a reminder, sometimes i can be too soft, i wrote a letter about the relationship and i'm gonna go read that now..altho i don't really want to get mad again, i've let go of the anger..i dunno, maybe once i sleep on it i'll feel better

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That's enough reason for me. I vote you read the letter and get mad again. It will help strengthen your resolve.

Its okay for you to feel sorry for him (and mbe a teensy bit of satisfaction that he's still miserable after you've gone?). It says you are human. But I suspect you miss the feeling of being with someone, the fun & the good times.

You don't miss HIM tho. You'd feel a lot better, in fact, if you found someone new. Any prospects in this regard?

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's ambivalence. Basically you still have feelings that you haven't resolved yet, and when coupling that with what appears to be an empathetic streak and your own lack of intimacy and comfort currently...

It's a bad recipe to consider contacting someone. While people can, and sometimes change, they have to do it for themselves because they want to, and not because you hope they have.

Like your anger towards him, your feelings of sadness for him too will pass. He isn't your problem, and you can find better ways to deal with your loneliness if you're patient and active about addressing it.

Getting in touch with him will just cause trouble. You'll wind up hurting him even more and you'll possibly even hurt yourself if you let a guy like that back into your life. What's done is done. Move on.