honesty...damned if you do and damned if you don't

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23-12-08, 11:00 AM
ecojeanne

honesty...damned if you do and damned if you don't

I just got told tonight that I’m rude and I support the underdog, what do you reckon?
A guy I want to be friends with wants more but I told him out straight that I’m not interested romantically but that I want to have a laugh (there is no way in my right or wrong mind I would EVER be interested) he’s a cool guy tho and I think it would be cool to hang out but only as friends, he says he’s perplexed by me, wft?? Why? I made myself VERY clear without having to be rude. I treated him like I would a close friend. He’s pushy and I told him out straight; ‘stop I told you, what are you doing with this barely touching me bullshit? I’m NOT interested’ can guys not deal with direct honesty?
23-12-08, 11:48 AM
IndiReloaded

Some ppl need to be hit over the head with a sack of bricks. Some just don't like to be told 'no'.

You were clear. Your responsibility in the matter ends there. Think no more of it, Eco. I'm sure you're fine.
23-12-08, 11:57 AM
carl1222

Jeanne, you've gotta know that if he's interested in you romantically and you're not interested in him that way, it's a BIG problem for him.

If so, you can't be just his friend (or more accurately, he can't be just your friend). Give the guy a break and cut off all contact with him ... even as a friend ... that's where your responsibility really ends.

I think you may be confusing his true romantic interest in you with just wanting to be physical with you, but only you know for sure.

Carl.
23-12-08, 12:22 PM
Mish

Quote:

Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I just got told tonight that I’m rude and I support the underdog, what do you reckon?

Hehe

To first one no, to second sometimes ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Why? I made myself VERY clear without having to be rude. I treated him like I would a close friend. He’s pushy and I told him out straight; ‘stop I told you, what are you doing with this barely touching me bullshit? I’m NOT interested’ can guys not deal with direct honesty?

It's going to be very challenging for you to continue being friends with him due to this. You obviously see each other from different perspectives and continuing friendship may signal to him that your "no" probably means a "maybe". Depending on what kind of person he is this will be either non-issue, an irritant or simply impossible to put up with. Given that he is already pushy, I think it will probably be the later.
23-12-08, 03:59 PM
Aeradalia

Quote:

Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I just got told tonight that I’m rude and I support the underdog, what do you reckon?

I don't know you well enough or what the conversation was about... so I really can't give an honest answer.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

A guy I want to be friends with wants more but I told him out straight that I’m not interested romantically but that I want to have a laugh (there is no way in my right or wrong mind I would EVER be interested)

Guys (and girls too) will sometimes see friendship as an opportunity for something more.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

he’s a cool guy tho and I think it would be cool to hang out but only as friends, he says he’s perplexed by me, wft?? Why? I made myself VERY clear without having to be rude. I treated him like I would a close friend.

Apparently he didn't get the message the first time... possibly because he was hoping that friendship could lead to something more. This is a common mistake.. though annoying at times.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He’s pushy and I told him out straight; ‘stop I told you, what are you doing with this barely touching me bullshit? I’m NOT interested’ can guys not deal with direct honesty?

I don't think it's the direct honesty that he's having a problem with. He was just trying every possible opportunity that he saw... so the fault lies with him for being so damned determined. He pushed it too far all by himself and it is your right to put him in his place. Deep down, I'm sure he realizes that.
23-12-08, 04:18 PM
IndiReloaded

I think we should come up with a name for 'friends wanting more'. We tried this before but there's a creative bunch on the site right now.

Flovers? Torchies? Those all sound so lame.
23-12-08, 06:57 PM
Junket

Quote:

Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I just got told tonight that I’m rude and I support the underdog, what do you reckon?

I thought you were talking about me.

Seriously.
23-12-08, 08:11 PM
Dasein

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think we should come up with a name for 'friends wanting more'. We tried this before but there's a creative bunch on the site right now.

Flovers? Torchies? Those all sound so lame.

How about just simply an acronym FWM?
23-12-08, 09:52 PM
UKboy

Quote:

Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I just got told tonight that I’m rude and I support the underdog, what do you reckon?
A guy I want to be friends with wants more but I told him out straight that I’m not interested romantically but that I want to have a laugh (there is no way in my right or wrong mind I would EVER be interested) he’s a cool guy tho and I think it would be cool to hang out but only as friends, he says he’s perplexed by me, wft?? Why? I made myself VERY clear without having to be rude. I treated him like I would a close friend. He’s pushy and I told him out straight; ‘stop I told you, what are you doing with this barely touching me bullshit? I’m NOT interested’ can guys not deal with direct honesty?

DIGG HIM!:D
23-12-08, 10:15 PM
misombra

he was probably confused because you stayed around after you said no. it's like in dog training, if you hold a treat out for a dog and then say no, well they think they're just supposed to sit and wait until you give it to them. they don't know that "no" means they're not getting the treat. and the dog will be confused.
24-12-08, 12:13 AM
ecojeanne

well he called me and i went thru each statement that he had made about my so called rudeness and underdogness, i rebutted everything. he accepted his behviour was unnacceptable and i left the phone with a happy tone of talk to ya soon....(of course i'm thinking NO way am i speaking to him again, idiot!....i didn't know him that well anyway and i'm not into having to defend myself not fancying him, he can feck off)

yep the underdog thing he said that coz i was listening and asking probing questions with 2 seperate people (guys he had hassle with and he didn't like but i had to mediate...all got sorted in the end....but men acting like monkeys basically) last night in the bar instead of talking to him i was listening to other people's sob stories...well i do tend to feel sorry for people...so what?...it's not like he owns me and i can't control my feelings and who i am.

anyway he's no friend of mine and by the looks of it never will be.