is he lonely?

i had the most awful day of my life because of something that happened this weekend

i ran into my ex of 2 weeks at a party, we have mutual close friends, and we ended up being in the last 3 people there as our mutual friend said he would take me home so i was waiting for this friend to close shop. the ex said i was going to his street when our friend asked where i was going. i told him to shut up and then we ended up being alone for a moment

he asked me to go home with him and i refused but was intoxicated and he said "i don't want to sleep with you, i just want to lie beside you, i just want to sleep with you in my bed" this was total bullshit in my head but i agreed to go with him.

we got to his house i literally jumped into bed and tried to go to sleep, he was rubbing my shoulders, and then started kissing my neck and ears as he KNOWS very well i can resist that less than anything else but i told him we couldn't do anything and he backed off.

then he asked if i hated him because i wouldn't let him touch me and i used to and i was acting like a b*tch to him. i said that's what i am and turned over and he said you don't think i actually believe that do you. he tried making out with me i went along with it for a few seconds at a time and then that finally ended when he told me i looked so beautiful that night more than anyone he's seen in the last few weeks

i said, i could've helped him bring someone who would've helped his blue balls out home and he said he wanted to bring me home. i then said he should find someone he likes to which he said he never said he didn't like me (granted he didn't but wtf is that suppose to mean)

then he said it seemed like i wasn't saying what i had to say to him i was holding back he tried to get me to open up all the time but i didn't and he wasn't going to because he has to take care of everyone and he doesn't want to show weakness and that we were both passive aggressive and i said he didn't give me room to trust why should i pour out my soul i wanted to help and there-in lies our problem together because otherwise we're perfect we're too alike in that sense

then he kept asking me to say something, i said he made me sad and i was worried

he kept asking me what that meant so i finally told him that if i've ever invested any time into anyone i care about them and will probably for a long time just on a friend level at least and that i could see how sad he was and how he might not be saying anything and i didn't expect him to tell me but i wished he would tell someone what was up because it wasn't good and i didn't like to see it and i genuinely wanted what was best for him and he wasn't going to be able to be with anyone at that rate and that i was sorry

then he turned away, started tearing which made me uncomfortable for someone so bottled up so i said sorry and turned over and then a moment later he grabbed me pinned me down and kissed me like i've never been kissed in my life, it felt like it went on forever and there was no tongue or anything but he just kissed me and then kissed my forehead and shoulders and told me to sleep well, i said it was going to be awful in the morning and he said we would talk about it then

i woke up early and started throwing on my socks and stuff and he asked what i was doing and hugged me and kissed me and held me, i didn't answer and he grabbed me and said don't go i told him i was and he wouldn't let go of me and kept telling me not to leave, i finally got my stuff together and he asked me to please not leave, i said he had to do stuff that day and he said he didn't care he didn't want to do them he wanted me to stay, i felt like if i left that room i'd be leaving anything good but i had to. i kissed his forehead and said merry christmas and left his place.

now i feel empty and confused, i don't know what that all means he was just holding me and i dunno, the kisses were more than they ever were and i know i shouldn't start feeling this way, i wonder if he will text me for xmas or new years and know he wont, he had told me he hadn't hooked up with anyone since me but i think that's bs too what does this mean.

Is he lonely? yes
That is not your problem. The moment you make that your problem is the moment you take charge of his emotional well-being. A person should not be so emotionally fragile and needy to you. It is not fair and it is manipulative.

I would try to put him out of your mind. It sounds like he could draw you into a very unhealthy relationship.

Why on earth did you go home w/him?

You are lucky all he did was just try to put some pressure on you to spread your legs.

Be smarter. Decide *before* you go home with someone what you want.

well, thing is i'm definitely not over him, i definitely think that we could work if we forced ourselves to talk things out, and i guess in my drunken stupor my subconscious knew that. i am just so confused because if he just asked me to go home and sleep with him he may have had better luck than with what happened.
do you think he will make an attepmt to contact me based on these things?
what explanation is there for his behaviour?

Pfft, he should have been happy just to sleep in the same bed as you

should i contact him at all or am i not allowed to do that?
like a text on christmas or new years just saying happy one or the other? or not wise?
he should've been happy to sleep in the same bed as me? why, i don't even know what his intentions were, does anyone?
does anyone have any idea in general how he's feeling about me maybe?

i like how he didn't text me or anything for christmas but my and his boss who is married for the 3rd go around, old enough to be my father, and is absolutely in love with me did.

It does not matter that an old married man, who is also your ex's boss, texted you merry christmas. Maybe it is just me, but I think something is seriously wrong if those thoughts are going through your head.

Focus on your ex. He is a mess and you should NOT try to fix his problems even if you can. Also, why did you guys break up in the first place? Why is it likely to be different a second time around? Know that wanting to make something work is a lot easier than actually making it work.