He's Going Away...

Yesterday my boyfriend called and said that he was considering taking a job offer in Iraq that would last until June. He has a friend over there and so this has increased his confidence in thinking this is a good idea. If he were to take the job, he could return to the states and pay off all of his debts... which seems to matter greatly to him to be rid of them.

I'm not sure what to think... usually I can be very objective and reasonable... but with this, I guess I let it get to me. We talked for a while more on the phone. Afterward I couldn't stop from thinking about all he had said and what that would mean... it just progressed from thinking about it to feeling awful, scared... and a host of other emotions I couldn't really differentiate.

I pretty much live alone... and without anyone to really talk to or any form of distraction that worked (tried to watch tv, play music, draw, read a book... etc) I decided in my 'emotional state' to simply numb these emotions with alcohol. I couldn't think last night and I certainly didn't want to feel.

I've never let anyone affect me like this. We've only been together for about 5 months and now he's going away for 6 months... but he tells me that he wants to stay together... that I have nothing to worry about. I know this will hurt because I won't stray... I'll remain faithful to him and will be lonely and sad without him. I feel like I've finally found someone that truly makes me happy and now I have to let him go.

I hate being this emotional --- it makes me feel weak.

Well, you know. It's his decision to go, and it's your decision to be OK with it or not. But here's to hoping he returns safely regardless of what you choose to do.

That sucks, Aera. Has he finalized the decision yet? Or is he still just thinking about it.

Doing what? Working for Halliburton? Geezus.

Iraq is going to become less, not more, stable as Obama begins the troop pullout in 2009. Control will be more the responsibility of local government, such as it is.

If your BF needs to make money, he would be far better off looking at jobs on the north oil rigs, or places in Canada like Ft.MacMurray which, while hard work & sometimes dangerous, at least doesn't have the added complication of a local population that is trying to blow you up.

As Indi pointed out, they'll pay a good wage for a reason. In this case it's quite a bit worse than odd working hours. I hope he's not a "Hey, Iraq, that sounds cool!" kind of thing.

Aera - you have my sympathy. My nephew is serving his first term as a Marine in Iraq, and we worry a lot. If your B/F ends up going, you may want to hook up with some military wives for some emotional support.

I did two six month tours in Iraq with the British army. The news doesn't give you a 100% accurate picture. I don't know what your SO will be doing over there but if he's like the majority of the contractors he'll be on a secured base (which most of them never leave), there's an element of risk but there are all sorts of procedures in place.

So if you're worried about that aspect of things for gods sake ask him, he'll be able to tell you better than I can and the more info you have the better you'll feel.

As for him going away for 6 months well yes it is tough, but I'm guessing he'll get at least 2 weeks r and r during that. A lot of the civvie contractors take it in dubai rather than going home so maybe you could go out and meet him.

Anyway all I'm saying is that in the coming weeks you'll get more info so wait and see. Being seperated like this tests relationships but it also makes them stronger. Also I was on the phone to my bf every day I was out there without fail so don't think you're going to lose touch the whole infastructure with phones and internet are really well developed.

Anywho I'm not telling you anything your bf won't be telling you as soon as he gets briefed up.As for how you're going to cope yourself you'll still be in a relationship with a man you love and you'll be able to draw strength from that even if he's not right there beside you.

We discussed the matter a little further... will probably continue to do so over the next few days. I talked with him about possible alternatives, but he seems quite adamant about going through with this. So I will try to gently press the idea of going elsewhere once more and if that proves unsuccessful, then I will help him make arrangements, gather more information, and support him in any way I can.

I was simply taken aback by the sudden surge of emotions when last I talked with him. This is very unlike me... since most serious situations do not conjure a very strong emotional response. Instead I usually feel devoid of emotion and mostly analytical... emotions do not begin to seep in until hours or even days later. I'm beginning to realize there is something about him that affects me in new ways.

However, I don't wish to experience an emotional episode like that again... I'm glad I didn't 'lose my cool' while talking with him or worse, in person with him. He deserves better from me... and needs it right now especially.

Well, all you can do is tell him your fears. And discuss with him his reasons for wanting to go do this. And mention those alternatives. I wonder if his friend is having more an influence on this than he's saying?

But yes, if he goes, you'll have no choice but to put a happy face on it. Anyway, until me makes the final choice all you can do is try to talk about it. Calm concern seems like the best course for you right now, A.

I understand your pain. The guy I love is going away for two months and where he's going, he won't have any way of contacting me the whole time. But it's for something really important to him. It's a ministry that he's been accepted into where he can get his pastoral degreee, which he really wants. Since it's so important to him, I am happy for him, but I know. I'm going to miss him like crazy.