Fallen for my friend

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10-01-09, 05:46 AM
Brighteyes

Fallen for my friend

I'm confused over where I stand with a friend of mine. I've known him for years now, but we only started hanging out lots about 8 months ago when I added his email address and we started talking. He's been with someone I've known since junior school for 2 1/2 years, so I had no intention of falling for him and he isn't the type i usually go for anyhow but still I fell for him - we just click.

Before christmas him and his girlfriend broke up for a bit and he didn't even seem to remorseful about it - upset that it was over, but he said it seemed like the right thing. Even before I fell for him, I noticed his girlfriend doesn't treat him too well (and she's my friend, I would have assumed the best of her - it's not just me being jealous). When out, she dances up close and sleazily with other men in front of him, sends flirty texts to her exes and until recently would hardly ever speak to him and every time he wanted to see her he had to arrange it days in advance.

Since me and him have been hanging out together though, she swings between being really distant to extremely possessive - and not surprisingly he doesn't feel too happy in the relationship still. He recently admitted to a friend of ours that he 'likes me more than he should' and when we hang out he cuddles me, compliments me and basically all that lingering closeness that 'just friends' don't do.

He would never cheat on anybody and I would never be with someone who was taken, so nothing untoward has happened. I just want to ask whether you guys think he'll ever leave her? Or am I just being used as some kind of emotion affair to fill the void that his girlfriend leaves? Should I wait around and see what happens? Should I just stop hanging out with him to stop this hurting me? - I love him as a friend too but it hurts cos I want more but can't.

Be honest, be brutal...it's for my own good....
10-01-09, 06:41 AM
Spring Haze

Maybe you should ask yourself if you want someone who's spineless and who flirts with girls even though he has a girlfriend.

Quote:

when we hang out he cuddles me, compliments me and basically all that lingering closeness that 'just friends' don't do.

And you allow this behavior to continue because...?
10-01-09, 06:58 AM
Lite

You don't respect your friend, or her boundaries, so you've pushed in on her man. Yet you want us to be sympathetic to your cause because she treats him like shit? Isn't it really his place to make the determination of how she treats him, and whether or not he's willing to put up w/ that?

Might as well go whole hog and steal her man. It's what you want to do, and it's what you want us to excuse your behavior for. But that's what it is without the slanted shades of gray you want us to view it in.

Just go for it, sounds like you two deserve each other for effectively cheating on your friend/his girlfriend. Why not go whole hog.
10-01-09, 10:26 AM
Spellbound

Ask yourself - Do you really love him? Is it worth loosing your friend to have him? Is it worth making things awkward between you two if you tell him you have feelings for him and he doesn't feel the same? If the answer is yes to all of these then tell him how you feel. If the answers to any of those questions is no then don't say anything. Wait and see where it goes. Time has a way of working things out.
10-01-09, 03:52 PM
IndiReloaded

Yep, what Lite said. You're just making excuses as to why she 'deserves' it.

Why would you ever want to be with a guy that would cheat on his GF, 'sleazy' or not? This guy is playing both of you. If I were you, I'd tell him plainly to dump his GF if he wants to be with you.

If he does, then have him show up at your doorstep with both you and your friend there. Then both of you dump him together.
10-01-09, 07:29 PM
Brighteyes

Thanks for the brutally. As I previously stated I don't want to be the person that steals someone's partner and that is why when I realised I liked him a little to much, I backed off. I barely speak to him as much and when we hang out I invite loads of other friends too.

Your right. In black and white it's not fair for him to do this to his girlfriend and he is a twat. I just needed people to tell me this so I couldn't kid myself otherwise and I could get over him....I have to hate someone to get over them otherwise I find myself excusing their behaviour.

As for me making excuses for him behaving the way he does - it was me excusing his behaviour again because evidently I still like him. Gaaawd I'm pathetic....

I do know what the right thing is to do and I'm doing it. I'm just finding it hard because we were really good friends before we started to like each other - so not speaking to him is hard. I just lost a friend but least I'm morally sound.
11-01-09, 01:35 AM
Lite

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brighteyes [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I just lost a friend but least I'm morally sound.

Eh, more like you keep your dignity intact and you don't have to deal with the follow-up emotional questions about your own ability to be monogamous that always come along afterward. Having been the guy who cheated, that's really the toughest question to answer and resolve beyond the knowledge that you've betrayed someone whom you shouldn't have.
11-01-09, 01:37 AM
Junket

This is the first day of my life,
so I was born right in the doorway...