How do I meet new people?

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10-01-09, 07:53 PM
and_for_what

How do I meet new people?

Sorry, I couldn't find a more appropriate sub-forum, so I hope this is ok.

Anyone who's been reading my other threads will know my situation but essentially my girlfriend of 2++ years left me on New Year's day for another man. There's no point me going on about how I feel, but it is not good, to say the least. Also relevant to this particular post are:

> She was my first girlfriend, in fact the first girl with whom I did anything with or got even slightly attached to.

> We met at university, which is a very, very easy place to meet people because you're all forced together for a lot of time, live in the same town, and have the same things going on in your life. Specifically, I happened to sit next to her in a lecture one day, and she introduced herself to me.

> My only other friends "in real life" were made at school, and those friendships took three or four years to really form. We haven't seen each other since we left school quite a few years ago (well very occasionally) and they live in different cities to me now anyway. There were basically three or four people who I'm thinking of here (all male).

> I moved to this city a few months ago for the sole purpose of being with my girlfriend. I have very few material possessions with me, not much money, no job and live in an uninspiring rented shared house with six others. My housemates are alright, I talk briefly to three of them when we see each other, but we're not "friends" or anything.

So that boils down to two big points:

## My girlfriend was my best friend and my only friend (as well as all I wanted to spend my time on). I don't know anyone else within 200 miles of here.

## I have never been someone to make friends easily, or socialise very much. Remember how my girlfriend and I met by chance, as well, so I'm not one for approaching girls specifically.

I am extremely sad and in a bad way. I want to spend all my time with my girlfriend still but that can not happen, for various reasons. I am assured in my other thread, and I can understand that it might work, that spending time with other people could help quite a lot. I don't want another "girlfriend" just like that, but to be honest I do want to talk to girls and be in their company. I am so used to it and I came to enjoy it tremendously. Call me a fag, but girls are nice.

I have hobbies, well a few. Most are solitary pursuits but one at least involves other people. The same small group of people each time, though, and mostly old folks or young married couples. My girlfriend and I used to do that activity together, as well.

I was in the process of starting up a new business, and hoped to hit the ground running in the new year, but I've been completely paralysed thus far. This coming week I might be able to start working on it again, but I won't until I feel that I can. It will be a very lonely job and I won't see people very much while I'm doing it (if it even works out).

Basically, how do I meet new people? I don't want to ****ing post an advert somewhere asking to meet people, and pubs and clubs are repulsive and weird. Besides a lone man going to places like that is a bit funny.
I play the guitar and I have been looking for other musicians with whom I might be able to start a little band - that would be one good thing.

The internet is where I turn to for all my help and advice, and I talk to people on msn and stuff, but even that seems pointless now - my girlfriend was the main reason I use the internet any more and we'd talk on it all the time when we weren't together.

I'll leave it there, but does anyone have any ideas how I can meet new people?

Thanks
11-01-09, 01:32 AM
Lite

Try meetup.com, I've been using it to find like people to hang out w/ occasionally now that I have moved somewhere that I have no real friends of my own.

You really cannot have your girlfriend/spouse be your only friend. It's unhealthy and it places an unrealistic amount of pressure on your mate to always be there to fill your time.

You can also find people to talk to online in places like Second Life or even WoW. Just don't go looking for romance there. Understand that it is a temporary social crutch for you while you make more real local friends. If you have real friends elsewhere that play games online you can use that to keep in touch w/ them and keep things going friendship-wise.

I'm not sure this is necessarily a good year to start a new business. With sales so far down and layoffs still coming you might be better served working to further refine your business plan, model your expenses, and save more money to keep yourself solvent while you start it up.

Another good way I've found to meet people is to find bars with Karaoke or Trivia nights where you can interact w/ patrons w/ similar interests. Well, I don't sing, but you can at least strike up a conversation w/ someone over how well/awful they were.

But, meetup.com is a great place to meet like-minded people to hang out and do whatever. From board game nights to movies to bike trips.
11-01-09, 01:35 AM
Junket

That's funny, I was about to come in here and suggest meetup.com. I'm on it and it's a good site.
11-01-09, 01:44 AM
and_for_what

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You really cannot have your girlfriend/spouse be your only friend. It's unhealthy and it places an unrealistic amount of pressure on your mate to always be there to fill your time.

Yea definately. Not only that but apparently it causes other problems. Interacting with other people must be a good way to realise the good and bad aspects of your partner and of your relationship. Things that you each notice can then be brought up in conversations about your relationship and action can be taken.
And it makes people either not care at all (e.g. my girlfriend) or care way too much (e.g. me).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You can also find people to talk to online in places like Second Life or even WoW.

I'm not really into gaming. I interacted with people on forums, mostly - forums about my interests and hobbies which at the moment I find entirely unappetising. There's no proper interpersonal shit that goes on there, anyway, it's just talking about things and ideas. What I want is to speak to a real person. I have no idea what people are like, especially girls.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm not sure this is necessarily a good year to start a new business. With sales so far down and layoffs still coming you might be better served working to further refine your business plan, model your expenses, and save more money to keep yourself solvent while you start it up.

Well I have no job and have been unemployed since I left university in the summer. I've applied for various jobs around here but no one wants me. This business plan is my only hope to earn money, really.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Another good way I've found to meet people is to find bars with Karaoke or Trivia nights where you can interact w/ patrons w/ similar interests. Well, I don't sing, but you can at least strike up a conversation w/ someone over how well/awful they were.

Thanks, good idea. I like quizes and stuff, I'll keep my eyes open for signs advertising quiz nights. Although, it won't really be the kind of interaction I'm after. I just want to talk to someone and hear about them and learn from their words and behaviour, do you know what I mean? Like ideally I'd just sit and talk with them about stuff.

meetup.com - thanks both, I'll have a look.

EDIT: meetup.com has nothing within 20 miles and only four (unsuitable) things within 40 miles. There's really very little that goes on in this town, lol. I'd never ever have come here if it wasn't for my girlfriend.
11-01-09, 04:48 AM
Lite

Quote:

Originally Posted by and_for_what [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

EDIT: meetup.com has nothing within 20 miles and only four (unsuitable) things within 40 miles. There's really very little that goes on in this town, lol. I'd never ever have come here if it wasn't for my girlfriend.

So, start up your own event?
11-01-09, 05:08 AM
fi123

Have you considered moving away from that town? I mean putting distance between you and your ex would make it a lot easier for you in the long run, and if she sees that you are moving away she might suddenly realise she's not so sure she wants you to go.

Apart from that, if there are no jobs round there, you live with 6 people you hardly communicate with, you have no friends there and it sounds like there is nothing going on round there, doesn't seem a lot of point in staying.

I get the feeling you are only staying there for the sake of your ex, that you are clinging on to her by staying there....i can understand why you are clinging and am myself very clingy but really it is not a good idea to stay there for this reason and u are not furthering your cause by staying there as you will not increase your chances of being with her by staying around.

Going to a new town might be just the thing, and you are very young and i doubt very much that this girl is the only girl who you will love in your life.

Start thinking instead that there are people out there who right now are looking for you and would love you to bits and you love them back to bits and who would luv ur cum lol!. But if you stay where you are they may never find you nor u them.

Take a bit of time maybe, apply for some jobs in other places and believe me when i say that by moving away will not lessen your chances of getting back with this girl, if anythiing it is more likely to make her start missing u if she is the one u should be with.

Hope this helps
11-01-09, 05:18 AM
and_for_what

Thanks, good post. Well, I moved here to be with her but I'm not *staying* here to be with her. I was going to stay here because... where else would I go?

Before this I lived back at my parents' house for about 6 weeks over the summer, and before that I was living off at university. Sure, I know some other very nice places I could be living, but it would be a great deal of disruption when I'd just started to feel at home here. Actually, it already has been a great deal of disruption just recently, so that doesn't really matter.

I also wanted to stay here because of my new business. It's a real-life thing, not web-based, and I had got it all sorted to start up in this particular town, so all that would kind of go to waste if I moved. Not that that's a bad thing, though, neccessarily. There are much better lifestlyes I can think of than living in this town (which is nice but not amazing) and running my business. It was never meant to be a long term thing but once it was set up I planned to take a less active role in it and then see what my girlfriend and I wanted to do - where we wanted to go.

There's nicer places in England I could be, I suppose.
But whether there's jobs there is another matter.

I will look into it.

btw I doubt me moving would make my girlfriend miss me. When I asked last week wtf do I do now, she suggested I move somewhere else or go travelling, lol :(
11-01-09, 05:56 AM
fi123

Ok so you live in England which i do too and really England is a very small place. I bet the best place for you to be would be in one of the major cities, like manchester/birmingham/london and let's face it no city in england is going to be that far away from your ex and you might just have a much better chance with your business in one of those cities. Is there any major city you could go where you have friend/s? How about going back to the city you went to uni in, you will know all your old haunts and i bet there are people there you would still know. Have you ever considered that your ex might be suggesting you go away so she has some space to think what she really wants? Maybe she is still a little uncertain if she made the right decision and maybe if you go away she might get bored with this guy and start thinking of u again. If that were to happen there would still be a chance for you both if you were both still in England.

I'm not saying this will happen but like i say you are very young, much younger than me and i really think you need friends/to make new friends at a time like this so u can have some support.
11-01-09, 06:22 AM
and_for_what

Quote:

Originally Posted by fi123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ok so you live in England which i do too and really England is a very small place. I bet the best place for you to be would be in one of the major cities, like manchester/birmingham/london and let's face it no city in england is going to be that far away from your ex and you might just have a much better chance with your business in one of those cities. Is there any major city you could go where you have friend/s? How about going back to the city you went to uni in, you will know all your old haunts and i bet there are people there you would still know. Have you ever considered that your ex might be suggesting you go away so she has some space to think what she really wants? Maybe she is still a little uncertain if she made the right decision and maybe if you go away she might get bored with this guy and start thinking of u again. If that were to happen there would still be a chance for you both if you were both still in England.

I'm not saying this will happen but like i say you are very young, much younger than me and i really think you need friends/to make new friends at a time like this so u can have some support.

I'd love to go back to where I went to university. It was York, if you want to know, and it's really just the finest city there is. Really, though, I just want to go back to my university days because they were so happy and sunny. I think it might be a bit sad there without my girlfriend, though, because she was the main thing that made those years, and as a result that city, really nice.

I would probably have stayed there after I finished except that some bad blood between my former landlord and I kind of tainted the whole thing. That passed, though, and recently (before we broke up) I started to really miss the place.

My business is one that I can't operate in a very big city, and really this place I'm in now is ideal for it and I have no competition at the moment.
Besides, I've lived in London for a year and I don't like places like that. I know Birmingham well, and some other cities - they're not for me. York was excellent.

thanks
12-01-09, 07:31 PM
and_for_what

ho ho, I've been on a singles/dating site just now. It's one sad and depressing ****ing place, shit. I don't mean to sound gay, but everyone there is really quite ugly and sound awful. "OMG LOL I luv drinking and going out and staying in and having a gd time innit"
eurgh

I don't want anything to do with it, haha
13-01-09, 11:56 AM
swargolet

Ive noticed that waaay too many dating sites just have desperate people that either 1. just got out of a relationship or 2. Have some quality that isn't attractive to pretty much anyone.

Then every once in awhile you'll have a nice girl/guy that comes on that usually gets snatched up by some creep and then they never come back to online dating.

At least this is what I've noticed with online dating for people aged 18-25. I'm not too sure about how it is with any other age.
13-01-09, 12:27 PM
Mish

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But, meetup.com is a great place to meet like-minded people to hang out and do whatever. From board game nights to movies to bike trips.

Yeh that's a cool site and they have some activities here as well. I might check it out too.

Apart from that, there's lots of things to do to make new friends and look for new partner opportunities. There are dance classes, social groups, volunteer work groups, dating sites, short course groups, music courses / groups (You can find musicians who could join your band in these - also can post ads in music papers).
13-01-09, 12:32 PM
Mish

Quote:

Originally Posted by swargolet [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ive noticed that waaay too many dating sites just have desperate people that either 1. just got out of a relationship or 2. Have some quality that isn't attractive to pretty much anyone.

Interesting that you see it that way. When I visited them I found a very broad selection of individuals from every walk of life of every personality type and of every attractiveness level (1 - 10). But way to stereotype :D
16-01-09, 07:54 PM
and_for_what

Hey dudes. I'm still a bit concerned about this.

Like I mentioned before, for the first twenty years of my life I was a real loner, and happy with it. I can probably revert to that state if forced to, but right now I don't want to and I want to meet new girls - genuinely not with a "relationship" in mind, and certainly not sex, but just because I don't know any girls other than my last girlfriend and I want to find out wtf they are, and it will more quickly help me to forget her.

I really have no idea how I'm going to meet anyone. Shall I go and fly a kite on my own and see if anyone comes up and talks to me?