A thank you and a learning experience.
I haven't been on here all that long, 4 months or so but I have learned a lot and want to take a chance to thank those of you who helped me deal with life. I also learned valuable lessons about people and dating in general that I think you can only really learn by being burned by someone.
My story started last March when I met my girlfriend. Life was great, we saw eye to eye in every category at the time. At the 2 month mark she told me she had a crush on a guy from our work (mistake #1: don't date co-workers). She thought it over for a day and came back explaining she couldn't imagine life without me (mistake #2: Crush = get the hell out). We made amends and life went on.
A month later as I go over to give her the stuff I bought her for her birthday she answers the door and I immediately knew something was wrong. She looks at the stuff I bought her and tells me I have to take it back....the crush never faded. We go our separate ways and I am burning inside, the way it all panned out it just hurt like hell. A week later on the 4th of July she calls me around 11:30 after I get back from fireworks and drinking with friends, she wants to talk and i agree. She explains how bad of a mistake it was to leave me and that she has ceased all communication with this guy. My heart wins out over my head and I tell her I will give it another go (mistake #3: I think this one is kind of obvious).
It took all of two days before they started talking again and I honestly was too afraid of losing her to step in. We managed to work things out for a while and things were fine, even with her talking to this other guy b/c I truly thought that she had abandoned the idea of liking him. She comes to me a few weeks later and sits me down to ask me what I think about her moving in with this guy and his brother. She was in a financial pinch where she was living due to some outside factors. For a reason I may never fully understand or be able to explain I decide I am okay with this because my belief is I don't have the right to tell someone what to do and looking back she should have never posed this question.
Fast forward two months, we are still together but I am silently falling apart inside over it all and every time i bring it up with her it comes down to "he's my only friend" and "I have no where else I can live". Come to find out she was upset that I didn't ask her to move in with me when she was looking for a place. I have a roommate and felt it was inappropriate to push this on him, plus I didn't feel right about it inside based on what had recently happened.
I was laying in bed with her one night and i couldn't fall asleep, my mind was running out of control and I realized that everything that had come to be was not something i was okay with and that I felt completely betrayed by someone I loved. I broke it off that following evening because I knew in my heart it was all wrong.
Its now 4 months later and I found out that her and this guy are moving from a roommate living arrangement to something mirroring a more romantic living situation.
I cut all contact completely with her about a month after the break. She tried to contact me about once a month wanting to "apologize" for what she did. I stuck to my guns and told her I wouldn't speak to her until this other guy was no longer a part of her life.
I'm a very trusting and soft hearted person toward people in pain, and inevitably I let my guard down a few nights ago. She text me wanting to talk and I talked for a bit and learned a lesson that I will never forget and am grateful to have learned.
I told her she needed to change that she has no trust in people. She always swore up and down I had a thing for a girl I hung out with 4 years ago and I never once did anything to indicate I did. I explained to her that she is afraid of letting someone else have any kind of control in her life. She became distant from me when i started standing up for myself in our relationship and this other guy she is with is a doormat in every sense of the word. He can't say no and she can't let him go. They literally do EVERYTHING together, it was so bad people at work asked me if they were dating while we were still together. She denied this and made up excuses, she can't be wrong which is ultimately why things fell apart. I finally said goodnight and went to bed.
I got a series of texts from her last night begging me to talk to her and tell her what needed to change. I left my phone at home for the evening and went out without any way of her being able to contact me and it was a big relief. I got home and read these messages and realized that I was a victim of "White Knight Syndrome."
All this time I have been banging my head against a wall trying to help someone that can't even see past herself. I gave everything to someone who I thought loved me but rather just has a need to feel attached to something. When the control isn't there things begin to unwind. In the end, I learned you CAN'T change people, no matter how hard you try or how much effort you put in you CAN'T. It all has to come from within, that person has to realize for their self that a problem exists, only then can change actually occur. I would still never think twice about giving my life to save hers or any other human beings, but even a life can't change what happened to the girl I loved.
I look back on it all and its sad, it still hurts inside knowing I am watching someone I care about drown in their self, but the best thing I can do for them is let them go and not look back.
If you actually made it all the way through this, thank you for reading it, I really appreciate it.
Its been a long 10 months and I have endured more than my fair share of pain, but I would do it all again given the chance because I learned so much. Hopefully those of you who read this can save yourself undue heartbreak by moving on before it catches up to you and avoid being a "White Knight."
Again I just want to thank those of you who advised me through the rougher parts of this, I was lost as for what to do and you guys were pretty much spot on.
Thank you.
