Ok so I don't know if any one here remembers at all my last post dealing with this girl because that was probably like a good 8-9 months... or so ago...
But anyways to sum things up me and this girl have been best friends for about 4-5 years now. A year ago I completely fell in love with her and did what I thought was the best thing to do at the time, tell her.
She was dating someone... the broke up. I thought I had a chance *nope* she went out with someone else, they broke up. I had to be the shoulder to cry on each time, was there when she vented etc etc. I know I'm stupid I hurt myself by doing that and put myself in a bad position.
I realized why nothing ever happened between us more than being close friends is because even though I had told her I loved her on more than one occasion (albeit at bad times), is because I was never genuine with her. I was so caught up in not getting hurt that I was guarding my feelings the whole time, pretending like I never cared, JUST BEING A FRIEND. <----- stupid I know.
So I decided "screw this" and stopped being just a friend. I got her a nice stuffed bear for xmas (in her favorite color of course) and she loved it. When she comes to vent to me I tell her I can't sit and listen because it'll hurt me, find someone else.
Also a week ago when she called us "friends" I had to tell her how jealous it made me feel. She then told me she didn't want a boyfriend right now (she's into fashion, music, creative arts that kind of stuff and is working hard on building a portfolio for college) BUT we could hook up.
...
Being a guy, to me "hook up" is sex... all there is to it. I thought about it real hard and I asked her what did she specifically mean by that. She said "open to fun". Ok so I know sex screws up friendships and all that crazy stuff, but I know this girl well enough that her intentions are along the lines of "let's mess around and see where it leads us".
Not a bad thing right? Not good either unless I play my cards right. Of course I told her I want something more than just sex, something beautiful and lasting because I love her. That got me silence... Understandable since she doesn't want I boyfriend but I just wanted to be clear as to what my feelings are regarding her.
So this past week was full of us messing around before and after class and hugs good-bye, cool eh? I thought that was a good sign. But since Wednesday she hasn't responded to my calls nor my texts except to say that a friend thanked me for wishing her happy birthday. I'm not smothering her, I send maybe 2 texts a day and call just to see what's up.
Could some insight please be given on what's going on in her mind? What is she thinking and who/what does she see me as?
Thank you and I apologize for the long read and any grammatical mistakes I may have made.
