He's back...and want us to work things out..

I am insanely embarassed to be writing here again, but i know you guys will give me honest advises and not bias ones.

If you read about my story before, i had a boyfriend, he cheated, had to marry the sl*t coz he got her pregnant. Then after 1.5 years he made contact, wanting to see me.

So here's how it is now..

I met up with him, i just felt like i needed to. He has always been this person who is full of life, even sometimes thinking he's God. *darn him*. But that day, when i first saw him, all i saw was a man, who practically looked like a walking dead, he lost alot of weight. I pushed that nagging voice to ask him, what the heck happened and started shooting my mouth off. All the anger that i had, i just let him feel it. He took everything, nodded in agreement with whatever i said. Then he started opening up his mouth about what happened.

It was a mistake he did one night. We had an argument on that night *i remembered*. She was his trainee *he was a driving instructor* and they became friends. He met up with her that night after our argument, and u know the rest. After that one night, he came back to me, as he said it didn't feel right with her. I didnt have a clue all this had happened though. He insisted that we broke up because of his new job, but a week after breaking up with me, she called to meet him. That's when he found out that she's pregnant. They had to get married.

'I never loved her. The only reason i am going home every night, is because of my son. I go out drinking every night then and that was how my license was revoked. You can choose to believe or not to believe, but ever since that night, i have never touched her again. I tried to love her, but i just can't do it. We sleep in separate rooms. *chuckle* that's how great my life is...'

I thought that was the end. I felt happiness, serve him right for doing all this to me. After a while, i started feeling sorry for him.

It's been almost 2 years and i have finally forgiven him, we even chat on msn when we are at work.

This is when it gets all messy.

He said that he feels he is making things difficult for the both of us, so he's gonna stop bothering me. But before he go, he just wanna let me know, that he love me, then and now. And that he is really sorry for all that has happened. He's been suffering too all this while, but he knows he deserve all this.

To cut the really long story short, we have gone out for dinner, 4x. And sadly, we even kissed one night. I am not a whore, but i realise that beneath all these anger and hurt, i still love this idiot. The sickest bit is he is still married to that frog. He wants a divorce but worries that, his wife will never let him see his son again, as their marriage is a civil marriage, he has no right over the son.

I cant say we are back together, we are not. I don't even know if that is the best thing to do. Yes we love each other still despite what has happened. He told me, he's gonna settle his issue by this year. And once it's settled, if i am still available, he want us to work things out. He don't wanna be selfish, he told me to go out, date other guys. 'U might find someone better than me...'

I'm stupid right? That's what my friends are saying. Some even told me, they will not attend my wedding if i really end up with him. He could be lying to me? He's using me just to cure his loneliness? I really wished that all this didnt happen. Things would have been better. The issues we had won't be as bad as it is now.

Tell me, what should i do. I've dated within the 2 years, but have not been in any relationship as, as much as i try to deny this, i still love this idiot ex of mine, him being my first boyfriend. I just never thought he'd come back in my life. It feels so good to have him back, but at times it does feel wrong. It's like i am the 3rd party now. I am the OTHER WOMAN.

Advise please.....

Do you live somewhere outside the US? Because inside the US, marital status has no bearing on paternity rights. If his name is on the birth certificate, he is the father, and he will be allowed visitation rights unless he has done something that would warrant them being taken away. If he told you otherwise, he is full of sh*t.

Secondly, I don't know why you are so angry with the other woman. HE was the one who was cheating. HE was the one who violated your trust. Although I believe it is possible he just made a mistake, it doesn't really matter at this point because he is someone's FATHER, and his priority should be that child, not you.

Finally, I'm sorry to sound harsh, but YOU are the intruder at this point. What you are doing will lead to the destruction of a child's family. YOU are the one who should be scorned. He married that woman, and you lost all rights to him. You need to stay away from him or accept responsibility for damaging a child's life.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Do you live somewhere outside the US? Because inside the US, marital status has no bearing on paternity rights. If his name is on the birth certificate, he is the father, and he will be allowed visitation rights unless he has done something that would warrant them being taken away. If he told you otherwise, he is full of sh*t.

Secondly, I don't know why you are so angry with the other woman. HE was the one who was cheating. HE was the one who violated your trust. Although I believe it is possible he just made a mistake, it doesn't really matter at this point because he is someone's FATHER, and his priority should be that child, not you.

Finally, I'm sorry to sound harsh, but YOU are the intruder at this point. What you are doing will lead to the destruction of a child's family. YOU are the one who should be scorned. He married that woman, and you lost all rights to him. You need to stay away from him or accept responsibility for damaging a child's life.

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Hi, Yes i live outside of the US.

The reason why i am so 'angry' at her is because, she knew he has a girlfriend, that he was with someone. Guess it really took 2 hands to clap, for something like this to happen.

I know that at this point, i am the bad person, when i was the victim initially. Do note however, that i didnt even push for him to have a divorce, i was in fact asking him to try family counselling for his situation. Even recommended him a counsellor. If this marriage should go down the drain, i for one know, i am not the reason why it failed. I just got in the scene barely a month ago.

She ruined my relationship (together with him) but i am not about to do the same to her, no matter how heartless i am. It's not my intention to even damage a child's life. He (my ex) have to make the best decision for the little boy. If he feels staying in a marriage, where there is no happiness between the parents is best for the child, then he should stay on. If he thinks otherwise, only he can decide.

I guess this is what they say, what goes around comes around. I dont want karma hot on my heels and the best thing to do is to stay away like what was mentioned.

It's just that..it's gonna be really hard for us....

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Do you live somewhere outside the US? Because inside the US, marital status has no bearing on paternity rights. If his name is on the birth certificate, he is the father, and he will be allowed visitation rights unless he has done something that would warrant them being taken away. If he told you otherwise, he is full of sh*t.

Secondly, I don't know why you are so angry with the other woman. HE was the one who was cheating. HE was the one who violated your trust. Although I believe it is possible he just made a mistake, it doesn't really matter at this point because he is someone's FATHER, and his priority should be that child, not you.

Finally, I'm sorry to sound harsh, but YOU are the intruder at this point. What you are doing will lead to the destruction of a child's family. YOU are the one who should be scorned. He married that woman, and you lost all rights to him. You need to stay away from him or accept responsibility for damaging a child's life.

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I disagree.
Going by what that lady did 2 years back to the OP,cutting into the relationship,it is in all fairness and justified ground to the OP to distrupt the marriage between her ex and his wife at this point of time.
However,i want to put it across clearly that i'm not advocating the actions of what the OP's ex committed against her and neither do i encourage what the OP is allowed to do should she decides to at any point of time.
To say,i'm a realist and i believe in putting things the manner they are irregardless of the aftermath.I stand with being partial and but not fairness.That being said,i'm all for people to indulge in free will,doing what they want to do but at the same time,i believe it goes hand in hand with being served same medicine.
This lady intrude another's relationship,knowingly.The man played along.Now,if the OP decides to sow discord in their marriage.It is nothing short of justified.Perfectly alright in my sense.
The child is but a mere distraction.If i may put it,the child is but a sacrificial piece for any motive the OP harbour.
If OP wants to go ahead and sow discord,it is her right.If she doesn't want to and prefers to let live,then it is by grace and not because she is not allowed to.

This guy is living a chaotic and unhappy life.

He alone made his choices, he decided to do what he did and he did it.

Taking him back at this point would be a mistake because he needs his shit in order before he can try to recover. If you take him back now you will have to deal with all the baggage, emotions, screaming, ex wife phone calls......you don;t want to do that. Let him go, he needs to take care of himself.

He's a cheater and you deserve better.

You know, I firmly believe that some people can change if they really want to. If he's really interested in being with you, he will file for divorce and find a way out of his situation before approaching you.

Which, he doesn't respect you enough to do. Instead he has relegated you to the position of, "The other person." Which, if you look at relationships, there is always "The other person" that one person who takes your partner's energy away from you. Ideally this person's need for energy or merely their presence is transient. But when they become a permanent life fixture, then it causes severe long-term issues.

You should respect yourself enough to not be involved with a married man. If he's truly worth having, he will understand that and take care of the situation before pursuing you.

You should post your story sometime Lite. From the bits you have left on here it sounds like you had quiet a train ride to end up with your wife.

I agree with Lite. Ppl do make mistakes and learn from them. Sometimes.

Nothing you have posted suggests he has done so. Drop him before you get shredded.

As for the gal, LOL, enticing another woman's BF, husband, partner to sleep with her and then get pregnant is one of the oldest methods to steal a guy away from another woman. Happens all the time. Women who do this, are usually looking for a man to parasitize.

Leave them to their mutual misery, would be my advice. Feel sorry for him, but don't let him into your heart. Again.

She wouldn't have been able to steal him if he weren't willing to **** her without protection. IMO, BF77 didn't lose much and shouldn't try too hard to get it back.

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Originally Posted by Cbrider [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You should post your story sometime Lite. From the bits you have left on here it sounds like you had quiet a train ride to end up with your wife.

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Oi... Yeah, that's a long and sordid tale indeed. One I'm not particularly proud of repeating. It involves a lot of my own personal failings and character flaws amplified by bad situations...

Maybe someday when I'm not working 60+ hours per week and feel up to dealing with the sheer amount of emotional trauma that revisiting that part of my life. I've written it all down elsewhere before but never in a condensed format.

On the other hand I can say I'm actually the happiest I've ever been in my life over the past year or so.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Do you live somewhere outside the US? Because inside the US, marital status has no bearing on paternity rights. If his name is on the birth certificate, he is the father, and he will be allowed visitation rights unless he has done something that would warrant them being taken away. If he told you otherwise, he is full of sh*t.

Secondly, I don't know why you are so angry with the other woman. HE was the one who was cheating. HE was the one who violated your trust. Although I believe it is possible he just made a mistake, it doesn't really matter at this point because he is someone's FATHER, and his priority should be that child, not you.

Finally, I'm sorry to sound harsh, but YOU are the intruder at this point. What you are doing will lead to the destruction of a child's family. YOU are the one who should be scorned. He married that woman, and you lost all rights to him. You need to stay away from him or accept responsibility for damaging a child's life.

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Vashti ... try not to give legal advice unless you are a lawyer.

Carl.

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Originally Posted by carl1222 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Vashti ... try not to give legal advice unless you are a lawyer.

Carl.

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Hmm... it wasn't really meant to be legal advice, but rather a bullshit detector. Why? Are you saying I am wrong? Based on virtually every single divorce involving people I know or have ever heard of, this has been the case. True, my experience has been limited to people living in California, Arizona, Oregon, Massachusetts, New York, and Florida. Please tell me where this isn't the case. Maybe the South? I want to be sure to stay away from those backwards states. :D

Note: I want to clarify that I was referring to majority paternity suits, and not exceptions. Most of us know unusual things happen from time to time.